


Expression

by Nachtnebel



Category: Kingdom Hearts (Video Games)
Genre: Awkward Vanitas (Kingdom Hearts), Edgy teen involuntarily adopted by a bunch of other teens, Everyone has issues but Vani is the king, Gen, I just imagine Vanitas having the most adorable expressions, I mean he has Sora's face come on, Lost Trio (Kingdom Hearts), Mentions of past abuse, Sea Salt Ice Cream Gang, Vanitas Is Bad at Feelings (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas Redemption (Kingdom Hearts), Vanitas has an insecurity, Vanitas-centric (Kingdom Hearts), Ventus and everyone else will probably show up at some point, Xehanort's A+ parenting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-22
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 50,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26046862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nachtnebel/pseuds/Nachtnebel
Summary: “This is the path I’ve chosen” – But how could it be a choice when there was never an option?Vanitas was suffering. That much he knew since he had been born. However, he was never actually aware of the extent of his fledgling feelings, always denying the impact they had on him. But without his helmet to shield and prevent him from acknowledging his biggest weakness, Vanitas feels incredibly vulnerable. Which was already stupid enough. To feel. The only positive thing in his negative existence is: He seems to be the only one painfully aware of that. Or so he thinks.Vanitas involuntarily has to learn from his ‘siblings’ and their friends that he is - much to his dismay - alive. And that there is so much more to life than he was taught.
Comments: 79
Kudos: 152





	1. Despise

He was darkness.

That’s all there was to him. Simple as that. Simple and clean. Nothing more.

There was no light in him.

The few fragments of what once used to be a heart – long gone. However, he couldn’t turn into a heartless. To become a heartless, he should’ve had a real heart to lose in the first place.

There was no redemption for him

He was neither a somebody anymore, nor a nobody. Not human. Only a monster. A shadow of the two persons that defined him. Or was it three?  
The shadow they cast. How much closer could he be? The dark parts of Ventus, his brother. And Sora, his other brother. And lastly, as a vessel, also Xehanort.

There was nothing left for him.

You could clearly tell by the way his suit was drained of color, white and black. The remaining parts of him. His thoughts, memories and remnant. His lingering spirit.  
He had a purpose … once. But as it turned out, the X-Blade was forged without his meaningless sacrifice – and given to Sora. Just like that. By the hands of his own Master. Xehanort. Somehow, that made the hole in his chest burn with irritating fury. The desire to tear everything and anything, including himself, apart.

They were mocking him. What use did he still have? Why couldn’t he just disappear? If there was nothing to do for him, no goal, no master, no nothing – why couldn’t he die?!

He assumed his connection to Ventus, the last remaining of his three bonds to existence, prevented him from vanishing. Or maybe there were still some of Sora’s pieces left in the realm of light. After all, his nature couldn’t help but be drawn to what he craved the most. Their darkness, their light, their hearts.  
And as long as there was still some of their hearts left, he would just shatter over and over again only to collect his pieces all over. As a lingering shadow. Because for some reason he couldn’t quit. As if his urge to destroy and suffer was as strong willed and naïve as Ventus’s and Sora’s believe in hope and all that shit. Because none of them ever gave up.

He hated it. Life, to him, was nothing but pain. Hollow and incomplete, just like himself. Perhaps that’s why he despised it.  
Right now, he despised absolutely **everything**.

He was still too weak. Black smoke and particles oozing from his body, Floods crawling around, barely able to manifest long enough to lift their heads from the big puddle underneath him. All color drained from him, his face grey, black veins coming out of his eyes, covering his face and yellow shining orbs as eyeballs.  
Yeah, it would take a long time to regain his strength. Not that he aspired it. He had no reason to. No rush.

Nonetheless, why, of all places, did he always have to end up here? Born in a graveyard. Dying in a graveyard. And now, after the eternal abyss behind the door, he was here again. Lingering in the Graveyard. He spent eternities in here. Screaming, raging, attacking invisible opponents, slaughtering his own creations to numb the throbbing pain in his head – their irritating emotions – with physical pain.

At least there was no master to lecture and hit him anymore … or so he thought. Maybe it was because Xehanort was also a part that defined him but … whenever he dared to close his eyes, there was that face. That stupid grin. His nagging voice.

_“Vanitas”_

Was he real? Or a part of his mind now, just like he did it with Terra?

_“You had one purpose. And yet you repeatedly failed to accomplish even that.”_

‘I know, Shut up!’ he wanted to shout, but his mouth wouldn’t open. Too **weak**.

_“How ironic that it was Sora in the end to help me forge and wield the X-Blade. The person you share your face with bested you, Vanitas. Not even Ventus needs you anymore.”_

His mocking voice and laughter. No it wasn’t him. His mind was just to torturing him now. It wouldn’t leave him alone, voicing his thoughts and anger in the most infuriating way possible. Was this his punishment? Although, could that actually count as one, considering he never experienced the opposite? What was even the word for that one?

Vanitas clenched his fists, involuntarily summoning Void Gear. He could feel the darkness boiling inside of him, the Unversed in his head cried and raged, but only barely drowning the laughter out. He wanted to destroy and shatter something as much as he was destroyed and shattered. He wanted to make someone suffer as much as he suffered. He wanted to become numb, scream until his lungs gave out, hit the rock bottom beneath him until his hands became useless, smash his head against the ruins until either them or his skull broke.

He truly despised existence. In general. But most of all, his own.

Time was meaningless. He had no idea how much had passed. At some point he must’ve lost consciousness for a while. The only thing he barely registered was the sun, rising and sinking above him multiple times. And that when he woke up, his suit wasn’t as hollow of color anymore.

After a while, laying and dealing with his inner demons – or the voice of his old Master and that ugly face behind his closed eyes – became too overwhelming.  
He sat up, cross legged, watched his Unversed regain their strength as well. They limbed and sauntered without destination. Some kept close to him, as if they wanted to guard their source. Some seemed like they wanted to run as far away as possible. Others didn’t even bother to move and just sat in one place, mimicking him.  
Vanitas contemplated if he should grab on of them by the neck and pull it apart. The familiar pain of a dying Flood didn’t affect him that much anymore. They were used to it. He was used to it. What he created was meant to be destroyed anyway. Either that or he would absorb them again.  
But with so much negative emotions still boiling inside him, it would be impossible. He was already filled to the brim. Yet, it would be even more painful to call them back instead of killing these things … although they would return to him nonetheless. He wasn’t sure why it made such a difference. Personal reasons? Illusion? Whatever. It made him stronger in the end. So it was worth it. It was supposed to, at least.  
  


Walking used to be easier. He focused on planning instead, leaning against a big rusty Keyblade in the ground for support. What was he going to do? Go for Ventus and kill him just for the sake of it? Travel to different worlds and cause chaos and destruction just because he could and it would lift his spirit? Or maybe he should go for Sora’s ass and kill them both? No, the connection was too weak to track him down. He couldn’t even feel Ventus. The half of Vanitas’s heart was useless now, which is why it shattered and slowly dissolved in the dark abyss in his chest of what could have been a heart. Because it wasn’t needed anymore.

It was boring and useless. Killing Unversed, smashing rocks, screaming and cursing until he was exhausted and collapsed again. His body felt so empty and numb despite the aching pain. How was that even possible? Perhaps he would regenerate sooner if he sent his Unversed to other worlds, collecting more negative Emotions to feed him. But he wasn’t strong enough to even open a dark corridor. And he wasn’t in a hurry.

Eventually, he just sat on the ground again, leaning in the comforting shadow of a boulder, his only company the voice and image of his master that seemed to always lurk just in the corner of his vision. But whenever he would turn his head, he was gone.

Fighting, winning and destroying used to be so fun. Now it was nothing but frustrating. Because there was nobody to fight. Nothing to destroy anymore. And he had no reason or goal to win for.

It was yet another completed round of the sun circling above his head, the night dark and starless. Only a tiny moon in the distance mocked him, his light never truly reaching down to shine on him. The wind blew dust and sand over the ground, a fog of dirt surrounded him like a blanket.

He was slowly becoming his old self again … But why was he so exhausted and tired? He stood his ground, Void gear ready. But for what? It was just like ten years ago. Training and waiting. Day by Day. But no one would show up and beat or lecture him. No one would come and fight him. No one would give him a reason or tell him what to do.

For the first time, he was all alone …

Another wave of Unversed appeared out of his body. He didn’t care. Anything that came too close to him was slaughtered. Anything that ran away from him, wasn’t his problem. That was, until he felt another force strike his Floods down. The pain of an outer source felt so much more real. No matter how many times it happened, that was something Vanitas couldn’t get used to. It was bearable, but … still annoying. And so out of nowhere, it knocked his breath out.

“Sora?”

The dust blocked his vision. Of course, someone would mistook him for that idiot. Well, that was their mistake. He lifted Void Gear above his head, taking the usual fighting stance, waiting for his opponent to run at him, only to be hit with the sudden realization and fear before Vanitas would end them. That’s what he was still good for. That’s all he had left. That’s all what he could do.

He gritted his teeth, his usual mocking yell was a low and threatening growl, willing his mask back to cover him again. Yet, it was still broken. The part of his face, that wasn’t shielded by his helmet, deepened in a vicious glare.

“Suffer!” He charged and his Keyblade clashed with another one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since I played Kingdom Hearts, especially the older games involving Vanitas. I hope I got everything right so far. The story is complicated, but I want Vanitas to be as in-charakter as possible.  
> The idea for this story just came to me when I was wondering what Vanitas would be like if we could've seen his face all the time.  
> And yes, Vanita's Lingering Spirit is an actual charakter here ;) Also Vanitas being awkward and unknowing about basic daily human life is a headcanon of mine, just in advance xD  
> This is a small project, so the chapters won't be that long (at least for now, knowing me that will escalate soon enough). But I'll try to update regularly.


	2. Disgust

The concept of eating was … weird. Now this sounded quite out of the blue, but it's still a valid topic.  
For somebody who was made out of darkness and lived for the single purpose of becoming a weapon, Vanitas never really cared about something like that. He didn’t need to consume or digest anything. Hell, he didn’t even need to sleep regularly. As long as he had potions, rest was nothing more but a power nap and nutrition an unnecessity. He had no real heart, he was no real human being, not even a Replica anymore.

However, he had tended to nap for fun in the Keyblade Graveyard, whenever Master Xehanort was absent and training too ... boring.

He always thought of himself as pretty badass to do so, although he didn’t need it. For the rare cases that his Master didn’t whoop his ass for not meeting his expectations. Yeah, good old times. He didn’t dream, it was mostly pitch black and sometimes filled with blurred memories that weren’t his own. Because he wasn’t Ventus. Not anymore. Nor was he Sora. Perhaps he’d never really been to begin with - right, he always was different, even before being riven from his brother. Ugh, this existential crisis permanently lingered in the back of his mind. Even in the aftermath it haunted his thoughts.

After the final battle, he had vanished. Faded into darkness, where he belonged. And surprise, he returned. And then, when he was about to recover to his old self, this weird Replica in a dark suit, similiar to him _(hadn't he also been in the true Organization? They never interacted before but he was sure he was different back then)_ , accompanied by that blond Witch _(who was mentioned by the scythe guy. He didn't care tho)_ , appeared …  
The fight would’ve ended much sooner if Vanitas had been in his peak condition. The idiot just managed to knock him out when he accidently left an opening. That was apparently three days ago. And he slept since then, only woken up a few hours prior. In this cursed bright room. And now a disgusting dish shoved in front of him.

Vanitas still hadn’t coped with everything that happened. Ventus was whole. Sora missing. The only one left incomplete was him now. Funny. A creature of negativity could feel positive about their own demise, he figured. Because that's what it was to him. A joke.  
He had felt warmth … as if, for the first time, he experienced what light was. So close, he could almost grasp the luring and inviting energy if he as so much as stretched out his hand. That small, tiny, barely able to see, spark of light … that moment when the Keyblade of that idiot struck him and he went down. In his opinion, he didn’t put up as much of a fight as he could have, even in his weakened state. But when he had an opportunity to end this fool he just … froze. Hesitated. As if he wasn’t sure this was what he wanted to do. Or what he should do in general. It felt humiliating.

According to that Witch, they brought him here after he 'passed out'. For whatever fucking reason. Like they never meant to finish him off from the start. Well, if they had a death wish, so be it. As soon as Vanitas figured out what was wrong with him and fully healed, they were done for. And he probably would cause havoc along the way … wherever he wanted to go then. Back to his 'Homeworld' the graveyard? No, they already found him there. It was also suspicious that none of them had called Ventus and his stupid friends yet.

It had been hilarious how their hopeful expressions turned from disappointment to distrust the moment they noticed it wasn’t their beloved Sora they found. Especially Dark- err, Repliku seemed pretty conflicted. Well, who knew his connection to Ventus and Sora would also be able to be traced by others involved with them, like the Witch? And somehow lead them to where he was? Because suuure, he was so easy to confuse with foolish Sora. Vanitas wasn't just offended by that, he was pissed.  
Whatever, he wouldn’t help them anyway. He didn’t owe them anything. That’s why he didn’t even feel the need to tell them he could confirm their hopes. He simply didn't have the desire to track Sora’s heart down. And if he was dead, Vanitas would just feel it. The loss of another part that defined him. Broken and chipped all over once more.

Well, he was drifting too far off topic. Right now, he was in a strange world. In a strange mansion. Staring at something that was called breakfast, smelled weird and was burnt _(he couldn't even identify what it was supposed to be. The Witch called it eggs and ham)_ , right before him on a plate in this obnoxious white room. Like, everything was white. This Replica who called himself Repliku - what a loser - and the Witch that insisted to be called Naminé were at the other end of the table.

Vanitas wrinkled his nose and poked the ingredients with a tiny trident, which he held like it was cursed, between his thumb and forefinger on the very end as if he’d never used stuff like that before _(which was true)_.  
He had yet to ask why he was here, why nobody killed him and where Ventus and the others had gone to. He just woke up on this – also white - bed with that girl telling him what happened and how she assumed he was also connected to Sora like he was to Ventus, which was why they found him and maybe why he didn’t vanish and yadda yadda yadda. Again, nothing new to him.  
Of course naïve Sora would save literally everyone, even if that meant giving more and more of himself away, piece by piece, until nothing was left of him. Fool. And that was about everything he commented on that. Again, he didn’t feel the need to agree with them and confirm her – very accurate – theory. She could babble all she wanted, he didn’t care and only half listened.

Maybe they were desperate enough to keep him just so they could follow any trace that would bring Sora back. Or somehow convince him to help them. The latter was even more unlikely. It was useless. And it was disgusting how they feigned friendliness in order to keep him here. As if they would want him here if it wasn’t for Sora! Light was full of liars and fake promises. He already called their bluff in not even half a day. _Master would be proud_. Not that he gave anything about his praise or anyone else’s. He still hated that grinning face that **still** was there when he closed his eyes for too long. Why couldn't that bastard just stay dead for good?! Was Xehanort's heart fragment still inside him or something?

“It’s not poisoned. You need to eat, Vanitas.” The Witch spoke calm and tried to smile, while that other guy looked like he wanted to strangle him, his arms crossed, standing behind her like a bodyguard.

Vanitas just made a sour face and let the thing fall on the plate, leaning back. He also crossed his arms, matching the intimidating aura of Repliku. “I don’t. And I don’t need your foolish pity either.” He wasn’t sure why he even stayed here in the first place. The moment he woke up he could’ve just opened a dark corridor and left … right? Or he could break a window and leave the mansion, cause trouble along the way with his Unversed and just continue with … whatever he wanted to do. But he didn’t. He had no reason to.  
… Since when had he become so lethargic?

“You were unconscious for almost three days. Your body needs the extra energy.” The Witch insisted, still with that doll smile planted on her face. Her fake-genuine concern made him lose his nonexistent appetite even more. He wanted to vomit. A tight knot inside his stomach. What was it with her and her stupid attitude? If she had been there, during the war, would she still tread him like this? He hardly knew her and that other guy _(seriously, that face alone was enough to provoke him)_ , even though apparently all three of them had worked for the Organization at some point. He knew they were both modeled after Sora’s friends, just like he had the same face as his brother. At least they had something in common … Not like he wanted them to understand him or bond or all that other stupid bullshit _‘My friends are my power’_ nonsense. It was just a remark.

“I **don’t**! And I definitely don’t take orders from anyone anymore. I’m done with this.” He didn’t know what he should’ve expected to gain from this conversation. He wasn’t going to play nice with them. And this idiot, glaring wordlessly at him this whole time as if he seriously believed he was threatening to Vanitas, annoyed him even more. Why could that moron offend him without even saying a single word?!  
Vanitas pushed the plate away and stood up, forcefully shoving back so that the chair fell over. He was about to storm out the room, when he heard the Replica summoning his Keyblade.

“Liku, wait!” The Witch gently caught his outstretched arm to hold him back.

“If we let him go unsupervised, he will just keep up what his Master started.” He growled, ready to fight him again. Vanitas assumed he was simply pissed and wanted a rematch, since he probably also knew Vanitas could have finished him off without breaking a sweat in a better condition. He couldn’t help the smug grin on his face, which made ‘ ** _Liku’_** _(what a stupid nickname)_ even angrier. And that’s when he noticed it for the first time since he woke up.

His mask wasn’t just broken anymore. The whole tinted glass vision was gone. Not just one side of his face was on display, his whole expression was … no, this was bad. Since when? Did it vanish when he lost consciousness? Why couldn’t he will his helmet to go back the way it was before?!  
Fuck, he was hyper aware of his mimic now. How his face twisted in irritation and how uncomfortable his exposed skin felt. He touched his cheek with his gloved hand, tried to manually change his helmet back to what it was before, only to realize it just wouldn’t work. He was here, everyone could see his face. Everything. Exposed. Vulnerable.  
Vanitas heard them argue, right in front of him, but he was too caught up in his distress, unable to hide himself and unsure if he managed to conceal his weak panicked expression. It just bothered him. Sora and Ventus were another thing, but in front of everyone at all times without the option to choose when he wanted to show it … He felt irritatingly uncomfortable. He needed to leave and fix that. Hide his flaw. Now.

Without sparing both of them another glance, he practically threw the door open and searched for the way out. If he couldn’t summon his dark suit in full armor, he probably wouldn’t be able to open a dark corridor as well. Even worse, he felt black smoke oozing from his body, indicating that the suppressed Unversed were on the brim of bursting out due to his distress. Which would be bad. Well, it wouldn’t be under normal conditions. But without his mask, there was just no way he could do it. He needed it. Not just to fight, he would fall apart without it. Shattering like a mirror.  
Urged by the need to go as far away as possible, Vanitas jumped down the railing, only to face the least person he wanted to encounter. Or well, the last face … faces? What the hell?

“You!” The boy in front of him, literally in the way of Vanitas and the exit, was speechless. Shocked. Honestly, so was Vanitas. That face was …  
“Roxas, what … no way, that can’t be.” Another with red spiky hair joined and gaped at him – he was also at the graveyard. And there was Saix and that other Sham. At least some familiar faces who had also been in the true Organization XIII … Wait, how many people lived in this stupid mansion and where did they just come from?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is^^ I decided to skip the fight sequence because there's gonna be enough of them in the future. Just imagine Sora's and Riku's childhood rivalry from KH1 and make it edgier, with suits, swears and akward humanoid beings of darkness.  
> Yup, Replicu's nickname is Liku, as in the japanese pronounciation of Riku ... Maybe in the future I'll come up with a better name :D  
> And yeah I just figured the Seasalt Gang (not trio, they also included Saix and with the Twilight Kids they're not really a quartet) would also live in the mansion since Roxas has no flat in Real Twilight Town and that would be the most uncomplicated solution for everyone.  
> Or how do you explain to your landlord: "Well technically neither of us are, like, grown ups. Most of us died multiple times, some are only about two years old and we haven't quite figured out how Replica bodies grow and function yet. Also we have no jobs or qualified graduation to pay rent, but our skate dude here can put up posters, like, really fast. Where do we sign?"  
> But don't worry (or do?) Ansem and the others from Hollow Bastion check on them from time to time, to make sure everything is okay ;)


	3. Panic

Vanitas didn’t like how he probably couldn’t conceal his emotions in front of them. His eyes widened in confusion, looking at each of them like a cornered animal. He instinctively took a step back. No matter how strong he was, with all these opponents, he wouldn’t survive a fight. And buying time to escape with Unversed wasn’t … He shouldn’t … No.

_“How disappointing.”_

Behind him, Vanitas heard the footsteps of the Witch and idiot coming down the stairs. However, he kept his gaze fixed on the group in front of him. His options were limited and they just **wouldn’t**. **stop**. **staring**. And they probably won’t leave him alone, just like that old geezer did, too. To hell with it. To hell with all of them!  
He waited. No one dared to step closer or say anything further. The air was so thick, he could cut it with a knife. That guy with Ventus’s face … Roxas … glared at him. Not the same way the idiot-Replica did, but it was even worse since he looked like his brother. But he wasn’t. Neither was that girl who had the same hair and face as Vanitas, aside from the eye color. They were obviously related to Sora, he felt the halfway connection. What did that make them? Cousins? Siblings? Ugh, what was it with him and those weird terms?! He hardly knew them.  
“Okay, let’s just … stay calm and take a deep breath.” The red-head spoke again. He had the audacity to grin at him and took a chiller stance, relaxed shoulders and all. “We met before, but we never properly introduced ourselves, right? The name’s Axel- well, Lea … whatever you prefer. Got it memorized?”

Was this guy serious?! He introduced himself as if they were all buddy-buddy with each other? Vanitas’ scowl deepened. Confused and offended, he tilted his head to the side. With his helmet, that would’ve looked more mocking and threatening – or well, mysterious – than now. He hated it. They were all looking straight AT him. Unfiltered and aware of everything.

“Hell no, I’m not doing that shit.” Vanitas hissed and turned around, trying to mask his lingering panic with his usual attitude and shrugging this off. There was a big window to the backyard. Well, he could break it with ease and escape to the forest. Or he would, but the Idiotica also jumped down, standing in his way to the exit. Now Vanitas had Roxas and Repliku both staring him down. “What is your goddamn problem?! First you kidnap me and then you don’t even let me leave! You know, I wasn’t actually up to cause problems in your precious world, but now you’re just begging for it!” He had enough. He didn’t want to deal with them.

“If had it my way, I would’ve left you in the graveyard. You’re right, how mean of us to help you!” The Replica-guy summoned his Keyblade again, pointing it towards him. What was he going to do with it? Finish him off now? … Vanitas couldn’t help the small part inside him, that didn’t really care about that at all. But he was still more offended than anything else. What happened to everyone fearing him? Or had that just been because of Xehanort?

“Liku, please. He needs space.” The Witch again. Why was she taking his side anyway? Looking all … empathetic and shit. That almost bothered Vanitas even more and he wrinkled his nose, looking anywhere but at her.

“I already told you, I don’t need your fake pity! I’m not Sora, I’m not doing this friendship-bullshit. I’m leaving and you’ll never see me again. How ‘bout that, Witch?” Yes, that would be to everyone’s benefit. That should tempt them to leave him be.

“Her name is Naminé! And why would we believe you?!” Again this idi- well, Liku, took her side. He acted like a whiny kid, already insulted by the silliest things and desperately trying to prove himself. No wonder he looked like the younger version of … no, that wasn’t one of his or Ventus’s memories. Vanitas banished these thoughts in the back of his mind, deciding to deal with that later.

“Guys, guys, why don’t we all just relax and sit down for a moment?” Axel still tried to avoid a fight. Vanitas was sick of it. Too many people. Too much noise. Too much irritating stuff going on. He felt the darkness inside him boiling over. So much, that he couldn’t hold back the handful of Floods that suddenly emerged behind him. It was humiliating that he could only produce the weakest form of his Unversed and nothing bigger. Just how drained was he?

Repliku immediately rushed forward, striking two of them down with one blow. Vanitas heard several other Keyblades being summoned as well. However, he was far too distracted with the familiar pain in his chest that the Unversed’s death caused and how different it still was when someone aside from himself killed them. He was really running low on energy, because he couldn’t help but flinch. Void Gear appeared in his hand and he squeezed the handle tight, trying to keep himself from grunting. Things nobody would ever notice were so evidently put on display. Perhaps he was the only one to pay attention to that. But he wouldn’t risk it.   
In a desperate try to break out, he let as many Floods as possible _literally_ flood the hall. They jumped and clawed at everything within reach, buying Vanitas enough time to dash forward. The darkness and his shadow-duplicates protected him from being struck by Liku again, as he passed him.   
Vanitas mouthed “Too slow” in his direction. Time suddenly felt like slow motion, as he outran that idiot, their faces at eye level and very close for a brief second. Then Vanitas teleported a few feet ahead and used the momentum to threw himself as hard as he could against the window.

Glass shattered. His suit protected him though. Well, except one cut on his cheek, but he barely felt it, as more pain was indirectly inflicted upon him when Roxas’s Keyblades practically slaughtered two handfuls of his Floods. The breath he didn’t knew he was holding got knocked out of him, as he almost collapsed from the overstimulation of emotions he was experiencing by now. It was too much and too irritating.

_“Go back to the Keyblade Graveyard. It’s less noisy and crowded. We’re more powerful there.”_

That didn’t quite sound like Xehanhort this time. It was distorted and sounded … younger.

Vanitas didn’t look back and kept running, barely able to walk a straight line. He only heard various voices, not able to understand the words they were saying. His mind and vision was muffled and blurred, like he was under water. **Drowning**. He should just find a hiding place and wait it out. As far from humans and noise as possible. Because he was breaking apart. Falling to pieces. **Shattering**. Once again, like the two times before, when he was defeated before and after the time travel, both involving his brother.

He was desperate but … When he felt the last of his Floods being defeated, he wondered why this would be bad. Without a purpose, without any goal or destiny, what was there left? There was no promised salvation waiting for him to end his suffering. Perhaps never was. It had all been a lie from that old man. Drowning and shattering wasn’t so bad. It made him feel numb. Tired and weak, but **numb**. Life was just pain and an endless fight for him ever since he could remember. He was trained to be a weapon – or part of one. He was darkness, not a human. He had no family, no light, no life … So was it really so bad? The path he chose, accepted, was never determined how long it would be. The end was maybe closer than imagined. Well, technically he had reached his end twice now.  
Without realizing it, Vanitas had stopped, leaning against a tree. It was true, he had nothing. And well, his name literally meant nothingness. How fitting.

_“A hollow existence without master and reason. A waste, honestly.”_

“Shut up.” He snarled between raspy breaths. His body felt so heavy and limp. Surely he was going to evaporate and disappear without a trace soon. He just had to want it bad enough. Then, even with his connection to Ventus and Sora, he would fade away. Maybe even the very memories of him would be erased inside the heads of all these fools too. What would that be like? Would he feel relieved? … Happy? What even was that? Probably he would feel nothing at all – which was a good thing, for a change. His true salvation. Nothing. The ghost of a smile formed in the corner of his lips.

Thinking about his demise made him become so silent. Not even his own mind interrupted him. As if it encouraged his train of thoughts. Maybe it was time to go. Although he wasn’t the only member of the true Organization XIII to be still alive or switch sides, his time was up. Right, he was just another of Xehanort’s leftovers. Ventus was complete. Sora was gone and never needed him in the first place. Everyone that defined him had no use for him … What did that make Vanitas? Broken Shards of multiple shadows?

His breathing hitched. Vanitas felt his knees become weak. Everything was spinning. But no, he couldn’t stay here. Not with his enemies so close. Not with all this irritating bullshit going on. He needed to get away … needed to think. Why was this sudden existential crisis making him panic so much? Why was he so **weak**?! He didn’t understand what was going on with him.  
Vanitas was able to walk a few steps until his legs gave out and he practically crawled on the grass, breathing and breathing without getting any air in his lungs. Did he even have those? Did darkness have human organs? Could he even bleed?

A funny thought. He must look so pathetic. Down on his knees, he held his face, trying to shield it like the helmet would’ve done for him normally. He felt the cut on his left cheek. And it was wet. He could look at it, but his gloves were black and everything was so blurry, the colors of his environment mixed with each other. Too bright and overwhelming for him to keep looking up. His gaze was fixed on the ground. His head was so heavy, throbbing and spinning. But what was really weird was that, for some reason, both sides of his face were wet. And his eyes burned. What was wrong with him? Was this how he was going to die? Pathetic and cowering like a loser?

“Hey, is everything okay?” A voice he never heard before. It was not just one, but two more. He could feel the earth vibrate like a stampede was coming right towards him. When he looked up to the possible threat, he saw … nothing. Just three blurry and washed out figures, running towards him like idiots. The first that reached him, bowed down.   
“Woah, you look just like Sora! Are you guys twins or something?”   
“Hayner! Can’t you see he’s hurt?” A female voice.  
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be rude.” Hayner apologized, scratching the back of his head – at least Vanitas assumed as much. He already hated these extras. He wanted to stand up and walk away, but he had no feeling in his legs left. And he just couldn’t keep his mouth shut, breathing even louder and faster. He was running miles without walking. At least his chest pounded like it.  
“He’s crying.” The third stated, kneeling down to him. What the hell? “I think he’s having a panic attack.”

“Fuck off.” Vanitas snarled, his voice scratchy and uneven. He wanted to leash out and shove at them, call Void Gear to his hands, but they trembled so much and he needed them otherwise. One to hold himself steady, the other to cover his pathetic face since he had nothing else to hide it with. “I d-don’t need you” What was it with the stutter? Not just his body, but his voice too betrayed him now?!

The Twilight gang originally wanted to visit their new friends this weekend in the formerly abandoned mansion. They were going to invite Roxas, the others and the new roommate to eat Ice Cream and help with the renovations. You know, moving furniture and stuff … and befriending the newest member of the gang, Repliku. Sadly, he mostly refused to really talk to anyone else than Naminé and preferred to stay in the mansion. However, who thought they would run into this guy?   
Olette winced at the sight. This boy that looked like Sora had a nasty cut on his face, he cried and trembled like a lost child, disoriented and trying to fend them off with his last strength. Kind of like a frightened cat in an alley, hissing with a cat hump and everything. And he wasn’t even noticing it. Was he even noticing anything right now?  
“It looks like he came from the mansion. Maybe he’s the new guy Xion mentioned? Anyway, we should get Roxas and the others.” Pence contemplated out loud, which seemed to upset the stranger even more.

They were talking about him right in front of his visage. So annoying and irritating. **_“Why can’t you all just leave me alone to rot?!”_** Vanitas yelled, his anger turning to desperation. He clasped his head with both hands, bend over to shield himself. He felt black smoke oozing from him due to all the negative emotions that had crawled back to him. He was too weak to create Unversed and yet the darkness was boiling beneath his skin. It was painful. He was imploding and breaking and felt like dying from the overwhelming panic that was so unknown to him. His body both wanted to curl in on himself and run away or claw his way out … his way out of … Never in his life before had darkness felt so overwhelming and suffocating. He wanted to be swallowed by it but the loss of control and the gnawing feeling of helplessness twisted his known territory to a black hole. Control was essential. Without controlling darkness it would swallow him whole.

He was dying. Panic overwhelmed him and he couldn’t think clearly anymore. He was hyperventilating. And to make things worse, he was starting to blackout while he felt multiple hands on his back, touching him _(how disgustingly irritating)_ and their stupid obnoxious voices talking to him. They said mushy stuff like “It’s alright! It’s going to be okay. You’ll be fine. Stay calm. Easy there!” and so on. Shouldn’t they be afraid of him? Was he so pathetic they weren’t even disturbed by his darkness? No, that was just show. He was weak. And they simply took advantage of that. Everyone would. No matter how much they pretended to play nice. It was a fraud.

Fakes. Fools. Liars. All of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I live for drama and I feel terribly sorry about making the poor bean suffer. It will get better, I swear! >.<


	4. Noise

Apparently his little escape plan was ruined by three human teenagers who had nothing better to do than not minding their own fucking business. These stupid statists that wouldn’t leave him alone and OF COURSE would run straight to the mansion, right into the arms of the residents and bring them to him. At least he hadn’t been awake to endure the humiliation. It was still so blurry in his memory, he couldn't tell if that's what actually happened. But his pride was already hurt, so either way it was just making him angry to think about it. So he decided to push these events away, in the darkest corner of his mind. It was enough that he already had to deal with these other images and voices that seemed to only exist to make fun of him. He couldn't deal with another reminder of his failed and flawed being.

The whiteness in this room was making him nauseous every time he opened his eyes. Hopefully this wasn’t becoming a thing. He hated this place and its people. Especially Roxas and Repliku. And the Witch – Naminé. And this girl that looked just like him – No, like Sora. And this Axel guy. And Saix. Fuck it, every one of them could die in a fire for all he cared.

After his disgraceful first encounter with them, he preferred to just play dead. Whenever someone entered the room, he would close his eyes and lie completely still. He was good at waiting and not moving for hours, even days. That way he could also regain his energy. Not that everyone aside from Naminé would enter the room anyway. She barely talked, just sat at the table and scratched something with colorful tiny branches on a sheet of paper. Sometimes she made weird noises while doing so. Sounds came out of her mouth without actually opening it. It was so weird. He recalled hearing this Nobody – Demix or whatever – doing something similar and even using his weapon along. It was so weird and unknown. How it made things to him. Irritating waves of emotions and the weakness to not being able to tune it out and concentrate on something else.  
And while Vanitas listened, with closed eyes, he felt his chest burning and … feeling. The noise was … good. Could noise be good? He only hadn’t decided to hate it yet because he was still creeped out be the sounds.

“I know you’re not sleeping.” She said at one point, stopping the scratching and noise making. He had no idea for how long he was in this bed. Probably a day and a half pretending at least. He had also no idea how long he was actually unconscious for real … again.

“If you knew, then why won’t you shut up?” He retorted, his voice was less threatening then he liked it. Hoarse and used, like he had screamed at the void in his thoughts for hours on end. “Besides, you said I need to regain my energy. So I am doing just that, the same way I did before you idiots kidnapped me. Which you did twice now.”

“I’m starting to guess you don’t know what empathy and helping others actually mean.” She was always so calm. He still refused to open his eyes more than a slit or move his head towards her, so he couldn’t tell what she was doing exactly. After a few seconds, she scratched on paper again. “Maybe you wouldn’t think so badly about others if you tried to get to know them better? But if you rather want to stay here and avoid everyone instead, I can’t force you not to.”  
Then there was silence again. Or would be, if she stopped doing this scratching-thing. After a while, she also did the other noise thing again. For some reason, Vanitas was really getting annoyed by it. The noise sounded just too … happy and cheerful? Could noise have emotions? Or was it what he felt because of it? Anyway, it was distracting. Distracting him from … nothing. Whatever.

“Stop that.” He growled and actually turned his head towards her. Ugh, why was everything, including her, so bright and white in here? He missed the realm of darkness, everything was much quieter in there. Aside from the sound of the waves at the beach. It was always so calming … as calming as sounds could be.

“What do you mean?” Was she serious? The Witch honestly looked confused, like she wasn’t even aware she did it in the first place.

“The thing.” Vanitas said, impatiently pushing his upper body up on his elbows. Now he was just getting frustrated.

“What thing? Drawing?” She held up her tiny branch and the paper that revealed a rough picture of him, lying on the bed. Was that why she repeatedly looked up to him? And he thought she was just more suspicious of him than she admitted. Like the liar she and everyone else here was.

“No, the louder noise.” He deadpanned, kind of … confused why she would make a ‘ _drawing’_ of him.

“Oh … You mean humming? Sorry, I sometimes get so caught up in my drawings that I don’t notice.” She smiled timidly, holding her paperbook close to her chest. Or well, actual books looked different.

“Humming?” He repeated, tilting his head to the side. Whatever look he must’ve had on his face, it made her giggle. Which made Vanitas frown in return and he let himself fall back on the bed, embarrassed and stubbornly facing the ceiling. “Whatever.”

It was quiet for a long time. She didn’t do the humming-thing and the scrat- _drawing_ was barely audible now. For some reason, that was even more infuriating. Did she want to play nice with him that much? For what reason? Now that he wasn’t pretending to be asleep anymore, he was kind of bored. So, after his eyes finally got used to the sickening white color, his gaze roamed to the walls, from picture to picture. He recognized Sora, his friends, some of the other idiots, Roxas … Wait.   
“This is your room.” Vanitas realized. Of course it was. Something like that seemed to fit this plain witch. Although she only seemed to come here to draw. There was nothing else. A bed, a table and chairs. Nothing personal aside from drawings. But it was still her room.

“It is.” Naminé smiled again, not looking up from her paper- _sketch_ book this time. And the box with the tiny branches read ‘crayons’ so, that was that. At least he couldn’t say he didn’t gain any knowledge on this stupid adventure. He learned … useless things. Nothing related to war, fight, magic or darkness and negativity. Waste of time. But he was bored – which was basically the same thing.

“Why am I here then?” Vanitas wasn’t up for talking, but he had to know. It wasn’t like he cared where she slept or if she possessed any other clothing aside from that much too short and inefficient white dress _(unsuitable for fighting, just as useless as her dumb drawing and humming)_. He just wanted to know why in general. Everyone had an ulterior motive.

“The other rooms aren’t finished yet. Mine was the only suitable. And I think this is still a better place than downstairs. Sure, you could regenerate in the capsule much faster and we’d have a better check on your health but … We … don’t really like to go down there.” Naminé’s voice became quieter with each sentence. Whatever was _downstairs_ , it was probably a sensitive topic. Which kind of made Vanitas want to go down there and explore. But he had no idea what the others were doing and if they also required sleep. That stupid Repliku would surely play watchdog right outside the door or some shit. “Without Ansem, we shouldn’t touch the machines anyway.”

“And why do you want me to recover in the first place? You won’t even let me leave on my own, so what’s the point. If everyone is so afraid of me doing evil, then you might as well kill me as long as you have a chance to.” He rambled more to himself, crossing his arms behind his head.

He wasn’t expecting the answer she had to offer now. “We honestly … didn’t really think that through. Everyone is helping to find Sora. Repliku and I followed a trace, but it lead to you – as you already know. And we had no idea what to do from there. You were hurt and we couldn’t call Riku, Kairi, the guys in Radiant Garden nor Ventus and his friends. They’re all busy and from what I heard, telling them about you would cause even more problems. So for now we just wanted to help you, I guess.” She held the drawingbook close to her chest again, unable to look at him. “I-I mean, all of us have been on the side of darkness before, so we can all relate to what you might have gone through. And we don’t judge you for it. Liku is just a little overprotective and Roxas … I think the situation is just too much for him at the moment.”

“And here I thought he would be used to Doppelgangers by now. What’s one more heart-twin compared to five others?” With Vanitas, his brothers, these two girls and Roxas, who was made from Sora’s heart … that made six, right? And he was overwhelmed with that? What a wimp. But then again, he had Ventus’s face, so that was fitting.

“I talked to them. We agreed that, as long as you don’t harm anyone, we won’t force you to do anything. And you can stay as long as you want … if you don’t have anywhere else to go. It’s kind of a truce.” She smiled at him again, probably encouraging. She didn’t even really believe he was going to do anything to them from the beginning right? Well, he couldn’t blame her, he was in a quite pitiful state. But that only made him dislike her nice-acting even more. “Are you okay with that?”

“Does it even matter if I am?” His voice was hollow and he contemplated if he should just give them a reason to end him. Partly for provocation purposes, and also partly because he was so tired … Not in a sleepy way.

“Of course it does! Look, I know it’s much to deal with and if you don’t want to talk about it, then it’s fine, but –“

“Then leave me alone.” He grumbled, putting way too much effort in to just sit up and stand again. “So if that’s true, I can go and do whatever I want as long as none of you gets hurt, right?”   
She nodded and looked … sad for some reason. He wondered why, but he wasn’t going to talk to her more than necessary now. He had too much going on in his head and just wanted to be alone for a while. “Is there any place in this goddam house where nobody comes to annoy me for at least five fucking minutes or is that too much to ask?”

“Uhm, well … The bathrooms or the backyard.” She shrugged sheepishly. She was still smiling, although pretty lost and nervous – but overall probably relieved he didn’t plan to bail again. It seemed she had no idea what to do instead in his presence. Talking and handling him as if he was fragile. Made of glass. Vanitas huffed and then left.

If he would stay longer in here, talking to her … Vanitas maybe wouldn’t be able to keep his part of the truce up after all, as annoying as all of this was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, if you remember awkward zombie-Roxas from 358/2 Days, this is awkward Vanitas :D I just assume he never cared to learn much aside from battles or to taunt and threaten Ventus. He has trouble with casual and basics things. Like, I know it's a game, but the Nobodies never did anything aside from fighting and being in a coma. Like, they don't need to eat or use a bathroom and only have beds to rest until they head out again (at least Xion and Roxas, since they weren't humans before) ... So yeah, Vanitas isn't any different, maybe even more awkward, since he was kind of isolated compared to the other residents in the mansion ;)
> 
> This is a short chapter with just Naminé and Vanitas bonding ... in a way. He'll warm up to her. Eventually xD  
> Anyway, I try to keep up my weekly chapters on Monday from now on, since I have to go to work again :3


	5. Drowning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Bring Me The Horizon - Drown](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGOjkvRRNwI)

To his surprise, Liku and the others were nowhere to be seen. Only heard. They caused a ruckus downstairs somewhere, shuffling furniture around … or wrecking the rooms, the way it sounded. At least they were busy enough so Vanitas could explore the first floor and find the bathroom in peace. Whatever that was supposed to be. From the few memories of Sora and Ventus he had access to, trivial things like that weren’t part of them. He had raw knowledge of some basic things and his vocabulary was also pretty much filled with … words … preferably insults. But things like food, bathrooms and other things? Useless. Memories of positive emotions? Only needed to provoke the negative response to that. It wasn’t related to his purpose, so he never cared to expand his world view. Some things he saw or thought about just were familiar, like he had the knowledge and right words practically on his tongue but couldn’t grasp or put a finger on it.

On this floor was Naminé’s cancerous plain white room, another room with multiple blankets, bags and pillows on it – the boys’ room. And then another, with two mattresses, pillows and blankets. Probably were the Witch and Vanitas female Replica version slept.

The last room on the other side of the floor was locked. So he opened the second last with a weird symbol and peeked inside. It was also annoyingly white and … cold? Like, so much stone and luxurious paintings on the walls? Looked expensive. And then there was a weird chair and an even weirder … bed? Bowl? Fuck, what was it called again? And another thing similar to that, just tiny and on the wall under a mirror. He was sure he would recognize the words if someone told him. It was somehow really familiar. He naturally went to the mirror and let his hand run along the … wash-bowl … thing? There was also something called Soap on the … It started with S … Sink! Right, that was it. Wow, what an accomplishment. Not. He was unsurprisingly not impressed with his accomplishment. Mostly, he was just questioning his existing in the first place – most of all in THIS place.

It had a handle. The sink-thingy. Vanitas discovered that pulling it upwards made water run out of the little shower head _(god, language never used to be so hard and foreign to him before)_ and the temperature changed when shoved to left and right. The dark suit was part of his very body, like a second skin, so he dully felt the hot and cold water on his gloved fingers, when he held it beneath. It reminded him of the ocean in the realm of darkness. Soothing. And he was kind of curious, like a child, discovering things for the first time himself. He couldn’t help but gape curiously at his wet gloved hand.  
He had no idea why but Vanitas thought it was both interesting and cool to splash the water lazily around and hold his hand down to plug the sink like a bored four year old child. How would it be if he did the same with the big bowl? Err … tub? Anyway, it was big enough to fit more than his hand. To be engulfed in ice cold water, waves drowning out the noise. Yeah, calm and … drowning. He smirked to himself as he had an idea to pass some time and calm down.

_“And what exactly are you doing?”_

It had been a long time since Vanitas stared into a reflection of himself. He looked terrible. The tanned skin wasn’t even bad. It was the same crooked smile, like **him**. With the eye twitching, the yellow eyes and … the white hair … No wait, that couldn’t be. That wasn’t him. His mind was playing tricks on him again. He rarely looked at his face but he was sure it certainly didn’t look like that.  
Vanitas blinked several times, disbelieving and irritated.

_“That old geezer is dead, idiot.”_ He saw himself talking. But he hadn’t said anything. _“Don’t worry, I’m worse.”_

Worse? How could he be worse? Insult him? So what, he couldn’t hit him. Couldn’t threaten him. Couldn’t choke or kick him. He couldn’t end his life. And yet why … was he so upset about it? Breathing became hard. Again. Just like before with the three noisy teenagers. And now his reflection was laughing at him, taunting him for his weakness. How dare that imposter doing something like that?! Only he was allowed to do that – to other people. Not his own image, of course _(did he always laugh that ugly and mockingly?)._

Maybe he didn’t think it through when his fist, suddenly out of reflex, collided with the mirror, shattering the glass in the process. The shards fell into the sink and on the floor, effectively plugging the hole. Water was slowly filling the bowl, but at least he finally saw his face on the surface. Tanned skin, yellow- almost orange eyes, black hair, a cut on his cheek and a scowl on his features. Better than the mirror-version or his faceless grey-black head with glowing dots as eyeballs. Although it was still Sora’s face … he’ll take that over Ventus’s any day.

It was almost scary how he managed to keep his emotions under control now. He … needed to think. Keep a clear had. Push it away, avoid it … without creating Unversed. They were raging with his suppressed panic and begging for release.

He remembered Naminè’s words from earlier, while he plugged the tub and started to fill it with water, climbing in, closing his eyes. As if they **wouldn’t** judge him. As if they **knew** what he went through. As if the circumstances of their misguided way to darkness was enough to make **him** relate to them. He had accepted himself and his path a long time ago and didn’t need approval of anyone anymore. He was his own master.

Vanitas was tired. Too tired to care and wonder why he was starting to see and hear things that couldn’t be there since he came back from the abyss. He was wondering if something was wrong with him, aside from his mental state.

_He had these weird thoughts lately._

The water covered his upper body by now, so Vanitas took a deep breath and slowly glided down, the coldness blurring his vision and muffling all the sounds around him. Black vision and the feeling of waves, nothing more.

_Was any of this even real or not?_

Trying to make sense of all these complex feelings and memories was futile. Vanitas always liked to keep things simple. Deciding what he hated, what made him upset and what he wanted to avoid. He didn’t care about anyone else. He was taught what to and how to do it in order to fulfill his purpose.

Forging the X-Blade had always been his priority above everything else. He never hesitated or questioned himself and he didn’t regret any of his decisions _(well, maybe that he believed **his** lies. But there was nothing to cry about now)._ But with each failed attempt his aggression and anger turned more into frustration and desperation. He could almost call it sorrow. But he didn’t feel sad. Just drained. Was that even an emotion?  
Nothing of that made any sense. His path lead him to a dead end and now he had nowhere to go. There was no option. Life contained fighting, pain, unfairness and most of all, it had an end. Powerful and strong warriors always surpassed the weaklings. It was that simple. The fact that he kept losing didn’t prove his point wrong, it only meant he wasn’t as high and mighty like he always thought of himself. He underestimated his opponents and was too overconfident in his strength.

Funny. Because in a way, he was just as foolish like his brothers. He didn’t gave up and was so sure and full of himself that he would never back down. He was just more selfish. But then again, wanting something so bad to achieve that it was every risk worth the cost … wasn’t that also selfish? Did it really matter what side, light or darkness, wanted to prove their point? In the end, everyone was the protagonist of his own story and only fought for what they believed to be the right thing.  
Wait, no. That would also mean that Master Xehanort had been right. Rightful to lie and do these things to him. _To make him like this._

_“Empty creature from Ventus riven … to you, the name Vanitas shall be given.”_

Vanitas still remembered his training. How ruthless the old man beat him for four years, drilled everything into his head when he was still struggling to even exist. When he was an empty, heart- and soulless shell. A being trapped in another person’s heart, meant for greater things. It was just that no one would tell him that his meaning was to do things to himself and other’s in order for a false hope. For a salvation that would never come. He clinged to these lies and false believes, even though he came to learn that it was only out of despair. Because he didn’t knew what else to do.

Every time he coughed up black ooze from overusing his ability to create Unversed and kill them on repeat … Every time this wrinkled sadistic face would look down on him … lecture him. Every time exhaustion made him lose consciousness.

_“You have to become stronger in order to fulfill your purpose, Vanitas”_

_“The Unversed will inflict pain upon you, but suffer is inevitable to become stronger, Vanitas.”_

_“You make progress. The emotions of the Unversed are your greatest strength. However, they are also you greatest weakness. You must not take your helmet off. The enemy will use any flaw against you, Vanitas.”_

_“Do not dwell on his memories. Fuel from them and his emotions. Use them. Turn them into negative power, Vanitas.”_

_“Anger, envy and pride. Control and suppression. Do not let the emotions control you, Vanitas. You need to control them. Channel them.”_

_“I am your Master and you are my tool. Do not test my patience again. I created you, I can simply find replacement any time, if you fail me again.”_

_“Forging the X-Blade will be your salvation. You must do everything to accomplish your purpose, Vanitas.”_

All these things, combined with the blows in his gut, the choking or the ridiculously tough sparring was nothing compared to the times when he tried to play nice. He tried to suppress his gag reflex.

_“Very good, my student” He would say when actually meeting his expectations for a change or putting up with the pensum._

_“You have made great progress. I am convinced you will not fail this time.” The disgusting feeling of the touch when he would put his white gloved hand on his shoulder, squeezing just a little too tight. And that fucking grin, how one of his eyes twitched._

_“Take the potion. I need you in top form, boy.” How nauseous the reminder made him feel, that Xehanort created him._

_“Now that you have a part of me inside you, perhaps you can make me proud.” It was a joke. Yet, the cursed F word popped always up in his head when he would be haunted by the memory of Ventus and his stupid friends. And compared to that, it made him even more mad._

Vanitas clenched his teeth together to prevent himself from screaming. That way, he released his breath in a swarm of bubbles and kept his eyes shut tight.

_“You two are like brothers.” Aqua giggled and looked at Ventus and Terra, who would return the smile. Spying on them had always been his least favorite task. He couldn't tell why, but when he was allowed to fight them instead, he had been more than exstatic. Almost relieved to whipe these grins out of their faces ..._

_“I think of you as my own son, Terra.” Master Eraqus would say with an earnest expression. He wanted to blow bis cover then and there, strangling the life out of him._

_“Vanitas.”_

These fledling emotions were so irritating and annoying. He wanted to grab and strangle the life out of them. Extinguish them like a small pathetic candle. No matter how much effort he put in, these thoughts and feelings never left him. They lurked in the corner of his mind.

**_“Vanitas.”_ **

And this voice, whether if it was his master’s or his mirror-imagination, kept bugging him. It made him furious and he wanted to shout until his voice cracked. The painful throbbing in his chest was unbearable and he had no idea how to get rid of it. He never learned to deal with it - with himself - in any other way than destruction. But the cruel thing about his existence was, no matter how much and how often he would push these emotions away, they kept coming back. They never really went away. It was just spinning, spinning, spinning. A vicious circle. Suffocating him. He was darkness. And he drowned in himself. Helpless like a four year old pathetic child. Nothing and no one to turn to. Destined to be lost and crying … crying? No. No, he would never-

“VANITAS!”

He wasn’t sure if the voice was real. But it didn’t sound like his inner demons. Since his body was slowly resisting the pressuring circumstances, Vanitas decided to emerge from the water again.  
Now that was refreshing … he felt even more conflicted than before. His weak body was actually helpful for once, because otherwise the whole bathroom would’ve been flooded with Floods. But no, in this moment, it was just water. Water everywhere. On the whole floor. And the person in the doorframe didn’t seem to be very happy about it.


	6. Pathetic

“What are you doing?!” For someone so chill, Axel seemed really upset. Was he mad? Or shocked? Vanitas couldn’t really tell. He had a feeling this guy was more than met the eye. This laid back behavior could still be just façade. A lie. Everyone lied, after all.

“Nothing.” Vanitas responded, leaning back in the overflowing tub with a poker face that hopefully didn’t give away how haunted and riled up he actually was. If he hadn’t been soaking wet right now, he would be sweating profusely. His horrified eyes masked by a smug grin, he made a show of flicking his fingers in the water, splashing some of it around. As if the guy hadn’t just caught him drowning in a tub.

Axel just breathed loudly through his nostrils and walked over, which made the not-masked boy flinch. Maybe that was already enough for him to break the truce. He could still summon Void Gear, but as soon as Axel was next to him, he almost slipped on the one inch deep puddle – that was the whole room – and turned the water off. Both at the tub and at the sink. Right, Vanitas totally forgot about that.

“Look, I know we’re renovating and all, but I don’t think we need an indoor pool. Thanks for the input, tho.” Of course Axel was quick with a joke and opened the closet to take every towel out they had. “Yeah, no, that won’t do it. Maybe I’ll just use my fire magic before the guys notice the dripping ceiling too.”

So that’s why he came here. And Vanitas thought this room had these stone tiles on the ground for the exact reason to prevent such things. Well, too bad. What really bothered Vanitas wasn’t the uncalled company itself, but the way how Axel simply … didn’t react any further to him. No cursing, no threats, he just cleaned after him like it was naturally, not even asking stupid and annoying questions. Was that redhead pitying him or some shit?!  
“What’s your problem?” Vanitas growled, his hands making a wet squishy sound as he squeezed his hands to fists.

“You know, I could ask you the same thing.” Axel retorted with that stupid sly smile and proceeded to carefully make flames with his hands and evaporate the water on the ground. Very soon a steamy fog clouded the room. “Man, why do I always get the dirty jobs? Well, a sauna is still better than a pool, I guess.”

Vanitas watched the guy make a fool of himself until the room became too hot and suffocating for his liking. So he hopped out of the tub, careful not to trip as well, because FUCK everything was spinning. The sudden change from cold water to hot air made weird things to his head and he felt sick and dizzy. Which was annoying. Feelings. Always. He was so aware of it when he couldn’t push it away. How everything he did and thought made him feel something and it would never turn off.

“Hey, don’t forget to grab a towel and dry off or you might get a cold.” Axel called after him, not even looking up.

“As if.” Vanitas quoted that one eyed geezer Xigbar. Never in his short live had Vanitas been sick or anything. He was convinced he couldn’t get sick. Although he had possessed a Replica-Body during his time in the true Organization, he was simply close to a real materialized humanoid being. But only on appearance. He couldn't get sick! Not even with this body … whatever it was made of now. Right? It was still confusing what exactly had and hadn’t changed after the war. Ever since he became nothing more than a lingering spirit and took a very long time to even BE again.

Not wanting to return to the sickening white room or following the voices downstairs, Vanitas stopped in the middle of the floor, still dripping wet and leaving footprints on the carpet. If they really held their end of the bargain, he could just leave the mansion. Nothing was holding him back. Except his stupid curiosity. His gaze travelled to the last door, the locked one. He had a Keyblade, for fucks sake! He could open that stupid door. And it was their fault for letting him wander around just like that. So when he simply took a look inside, no one could blame him, right? Not that he honestly cared if they did. Manners were for losers. And it was their fault for inviting him.

Vanitas listened to the noise the others made downstairs and the fog coming out of the bathroom behind him confirmed that Axel was also busy. Great. Nothing could stop Vanitas now. He casually walked to the door, calling Void Gear. He was just about to point it to the lock.  
“And what do you think you’re doing?” Another voice behind him. One he would rather not have so close to his ears.

“Why does everyone want to know that?” Vanitas growled and rolled his eyes before he faced the second uncalled intruder. “The Witch is not here right now. Go ahead, Idiotica.”  
The insult had the right effect. Liku unfolded his arms and looked like he was about to jump and strangle him. But he still didn’t make a move to actually do something. He seemed to think, carefully analyzing Vanitas from head to toe.  
Instead of countering or something similar, Repliku frowned and questioned Vanitas instead. “Why are you soaking wet?”

“I don’t know, why are you so annoying?” Vanitas put his hands against his hips, leaning a little forward and tilted his head. Despite his grumpy mood, he couldn’t help the crooked grin.  
At first Repliku curled his hands into fists, ready to choke him, but then the stared into his eyes, gears turning in his mind. The anger was gone as fast as it had occurred.

“You are … so much like him.” Liku mumbled, slightly shaking his head to get rid of the image of a norted Sora. He didn’t know anything about Ventus, but Vanitas obviously shared a few antics of his … sources? He was not a clone, unlike him, so Repliku wasn’t sure what Vanitas identified as. More importantly he wondered why he cared about that in the first place.

Somehow the remark seemed to upset Vanitas even more than any regular insult would’ve done. The grin faltered to a … was that a pout? “At least I have my own style unlike you!”

“We are both literally wearing the same suit-design!” The Riku Replica hated to be reminded that he was practically just a rip off and that he had no facial details to give him a more unique identity. Maybe he would, if he had a little more time and knew what exactly he wanted, but that was his own business.

“So what, mine is cooler and I look obviously better in it.” He wasn’t even joking, Vanitas looked so serious as if he would fight him here and there if Liku said otherwise. So overconfident and full of himself … Damn, that guy was an annoying little shit. Repliku now officially decided that he didn’t like him. Well, he hadn’t before either but still, this only confirmed his former judgment of him. He was literal vanity: arrogant, narcissistic and selfish. At least he lived up to his name.

Liku sighed in frustration and turned to leave. “Why do I even bother?”

“How should I know, I’m not an idiot like you.” Vanitas kept mocking in a singsong voice. It was different from his lost and suspicious state from a few minutes ago when he caught him in front of the library door.

“Do you ever stop?!” Liku’s head spun back, he was surprised to not hear a whiplash.

“Sure, when I’m dead.” Vanitas, ever the one to not back down or be intimidated – although it was pretty fucking frustrating that this idiot was a few inches taller than him – also made a step towards him.

“That is really tempting right now.” Both invaded the other’s personal space in their staring contest, which on the outside looked like two children having an argument about being the captain of a raft, ship or whatever. To them, however, it was an internal battle to determine who had the stronger will.

“You wish.” Vanitas spat with venom in his voice, eyes narrowed. His hand twitched, ready to summon Void Gear.

“Do you guys need a timeout or something?” Axel, highly amused by the argument, leaned against the doorframe of the bathroom. Apparently he was done drying the floor. “Next time don’t flood the whole bathroom when you want to go for a dive. I’m not going to clean up your mess everytime.”

“He did what?” Liku raised an eyebrow, his gaze switching between them. He secretly also wondered, if he flooded the bathroom with actual water or his Unversed. But then again, Axel didn’t look like he had been fighting.

Vanitas huffed and scrunched his nose “Don’t worry, there won’t be a next time.”

“Sure, man. Now if you two don’t mind, I need to make dinner.” Axel pushed away from the frame and kept talking to himself, jokingly rambling “Because it seems I am the mansion-mother who has to do everything in this damn house by myself.”

_Mother?_

Vanitas shook his head, deeming the term and Axel’s babbling as unimportant nonsense. “Well, that explains why the food looks like burnt coal.”

“Yeah, cooking is not his strong suit.” Repliku had to agree, because the food really wasn’t even worthy to be compared to the food at the new restaurant. “But he and Isa are the oldest and only of us who have been human before, so they’re in charge here … Well, mostly Isa.” It was awkwardly silent between them, until Liku remembered that they were enemies and he had been about to choke that bastard. “But how would you know that, I thought you don’t need food?”

“I still have a nose and eyes, idiot.” Noticing he spent far too much time here in the hallway with Repliku, Vanitas shoved him roughly aside, secretly sparing a last glance to the locked library door. Something was very interesting about it. “I’m just not dependent on weak habits like you all are.”

Grinning to himself, as Vanitas heard the idiot’s angry mumbling, he went downstairs. The white room with the Witch was still not an option and if they really agreed to let him go wherever he wanted, he might as well casually walk to the entrance.  
There were still multiple voices behind some closed doors and heavy thuds, shuffling and all that, but aside from that, there was no one to be seen. Well, expect for the glare from above. Somehow Vanitas had a feeling the idiot would follow him if he went into the forest. Or it was just his paranoia.  
For a moment, he just stood there, contemplating his options. He felt like a caged animal, despite his free will still forced to play by their rules.

Turns out the moment of hesitation proved to be a mistake, as suddenly one of the doors flew open with face-twin Xion, grumpy Ventus and the three nuisances from … yesterday? It had been only a day, right? Whatever, time was meaningless. Just like life. They would die at some point anyway. Reality is an illusion. Nothing dramatic.

When they spotted him – ironically in the same place they cornered him last time – their laughter and whatever conversation they just had went silent. Yeah, Vanitas tended to have that effect on people. It usually put a smile on his face. But the way they acted so happy and without a care in the world made his stomach twist in envy and disgust - resulting with his darkness raging inside him, begging to tear their smiles off their faces.  
“Oh, hey!” The noisy girl waved at him and smiled, a little unsure but still tried to be friendly. “Glad to see you’re feeling better ... and refreshed?” She eyed his dripping hair with amusement.  
The smaller boy agreed, crossing his arms behind his head. “Yeah, you really worried us there.”  
The other boy looked a little more suspicious. He shared a quick glance with Roxas. Vanitas figured they not only went to get help but also told them exactly what happened. To him it was still hazy what occurred in the forest, but his pride didn’t allow him to dwell on those events. The way they looked at him with hidden pity and cautiousness behind their plastered fake smiles just proved that they had probably talked about him at some point. Vanitas rarely felt so humiliated and digusted with himself that he wasn’t able to push it away. It was probably for the best to just pretend this event never happened or he would have another … whatever it was that happened to him. What did that little guy call it? Panic attack. Sounded pathetic.

Instead of answering, Vanitas tilted his head, a mix between a scowl and confusion on his face. He just didn’t get these people. And it was pointless to even try to understand them. So he didn’t. Although it was unnerving for Vanitas to not know the ulterior motives of his foes. Even if they were just normal kids without any power or ability and he could smack them like flies on a wall if he wanted – even in his pathetic state.  
“You’re … not very talkative, aren’t you?” The third finally addressed him.  
The girl gently punched his upper arm and shushed him. “Hayner, don’t be rude.”  
“Ouch! … Well, it’s true, he wasn’t like that when- OUCH!”  
The girl had elbowed him in the stomach this time, a glare that didn’t seem to fit her upbeat personality directed at Hayner. “Sorry, he isn’t always like that. Once you get to know him –“

“Why would I want that?” Vanitas interrupted her, his eyes hidden behind his black hair as he avoided looking at them. The feeling of shame was so unnerving and distracting, he could barely keep his cool and not break through the next window – the one from last time was apparently repaired already.

“Right, we haven’t really introduced ourselves yet.” The smaller guy perked up. That wasn’t the point of Vanitas’s question, but he didn’t get the chance to say so. Rude. Only he was allowed to do that “I’m Pence. This is Olette and that’s Hayner, as you already know.”

In favor of being left alone after that, Vanitas pretended to care and nodded, still a grim face and his lips pressed in a thin line. Then he headed for the entrance once again. But, just like last time, these annoying bastards just wouldn’t let him.  
To his surprise, it was the one person he never heard before. “Uhm … If you’re about to leave, we were just going to get ice cream and watch the sunset. Do you want to join us?” It was his face twin, Xion. She didn’t even look at him but focused on his shoes. How pathetic _(well, he had done the same thing not even ten seconds ago, but seeing others being weak distracted him from dwelling on his own miserable life)_.

Vanitas studied her, with a grim expression, which made her squirm and avoid his gaze even more. As fun as it was to make her ~~uncomfortable~~ suffer, he decided to answer with a simple “No” and opened the entrance door. Like the mysterious badass he was. Yeah, he didn’t need his mask for that, he still got it!

… Maybe Vanitas could actually convince himself to believe his own lies, if he brought enough distance between himself and these idiots.  
Dealing with his own existence was hard when there were people nearby. That made it impossible to push his negativity towards himself away and forget how weak he was.

Knowing that everyone else was pathetic and not him made things just so much easier for Vanitas.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I have to work late shifts, so Sunday it is from now on :D  
> And yes, mansion-mom Axel (who is really bad at his job xD) is also my headcanon here. He would also have great dad jokes and puns, but Saix won't let him .__.  
> I also recently re-discovered my love for Bring Me The Horizon and it's so funny how literally every song fits edgy Vanitas, I can't :'D
> 
> Stay tuned for next Sunday! ^-^


	7. Perspective

“What? How can he say no?!” Hayner crossed his arms, huffing, while Olette pat Xion on the shoulder. The poor girl was already so introverted and shy around strangers. Even though Roxas told her Olette, Pence and Hayner were cool, she still needed time to warm up to them. After what the Twilight Trio heard about her and the other formerly Nobodies, that poor girl went through enough as it was. Who could blame her for having trust issues?

“His loss then.” Roxas waved off. He was pissed. And what made it worse was that he couldn’t even really tell why. Not just because Vanitas was rude towards Xion and … well, everyone else too, but also because he was fed up to be compared to Sora. Now he was also compared to Ventus _(although both of them were okay and his friends, but still)_ and now he had someone looking just like his Somebody in the house. It was just weird. And he had no idea how to approach him. A part of him didn’t even care if Vanitas wanted to become a part of their weird family or not. He never talked to him, the few things he was told … Roxas didn’t actually judge him for that, but he wasn’t sure if they should let him live here just like that. After all, he could still decide to murder them all while they slept. But then again, he thought the same about Repliku when Riku and Naminé came back after their quest to find a Replica for him.   
Apparently Repliku had given Naminé his own body, which had been stolen by another Dark Riku from the past, who had been in the true Organization XIII, and not him, so he practically didn’t do anything bad aside from Castle Oblivion, which Roxas himself didn’t witness so … that was that. And he wasn’t a person of pure light either. He used both light **and** darkness. Ugh, stuff was complicated. And with all this time travel things just felt completely bananas.

“I’ll come with you.” Roxas had been so caught up in his thoughts that Repliku’s appearance startled him. Speaking of the devil.

“Wait, really? Wow, I thought this day would never come, since you never leave the mansion!” Hayner cheered, holding up his hand for a high five, to which Liku only raised an eyebrow and shrugged.   
Completely leaving Hainer hanging, Liku kept focusing on the blonde. “Axel is already making dinner, tho.”  
Roxas made a sour face “Well, that’s another reason to get an edible snack” he and the other’s couldn’t help but laugh, even though Xion still shook her head.   
“We should bring some for him and Saix then.” She said. Although the two oldest called each other by their human names and Roxas tried really hard to do the same, she just couldn’t bring herself to ‘get it memorized’ - gladly, Axel ensured her he didn’t care and both were okay with either name. _(“It’s just like a nickname” he had said and ruffled her hair, which never failed to make her smile)_  
“Shouldn’t we get something from the restaurant? Just in case?” Pence also joked and together they left the mansion.

However, Repliku hesitated, looking up to Naminé’s room. Xion noticed it and waited for him. “We can ask her to join us, if you want.”  
Liku thought about it. She was even worse than him. He just didn’t want to encounter other people because he still felt like he wasn’t one of them. Wasn’t real. That he didn’t belong. But Naminé felt more at ease alone when she was able to draw. She blamed herself for many things, including what she did to him and was convinced she didn’t deserve it. But Sora was the one who gave her hope and now that he was gone she constantly tried to reach him. Kairi was in a self-inducted coma and even if Naminé was awake, she spent most of her time also looking for him.   
She had been so happy and excited when she found a connection that felt familiar in the hidden room. They went through the portal in false Twilight Town, only to end up in the graveyard. Despite her efforts to stay positive and help Vanitas and also finding Sora, she was sad and disappointed in herself. If only Liku knew how to take at least a little of the pressure from her.

“I will. You can go ahead.” He finally decided, but Xion made no move to walk away and smiled.   
“Neither you nor Naminé have to do everything alone. I know my connection to Sora is based on past memories, while hers are his and Kairi’s emotions, but if there is any way I can help, I will.”   
No matter how many times Roxas and the other’s would tell her she already sacrificed enough and didn’t have to force herself with all the past trauma, Xion would still try to do the right thing. Repliku admired her for that. In her place, he probably wouldn’t have been able to find any spark of light in his heart.  
“Alright, she will probably listen to you more anyways.” They grinned and went upstairs to knock at her door.

Vanitas took a deep breath, relieved to finally be alone. His hair was still damp, but the rest dried by now and he was content that walking wasn’t that much of a challenge anymore. Now that he was finally all alone and left in peace, he could wrap his head around the recent events. His ego had taken great damage during the past days. Not only the humiliating experience these three extras got to witness and his embarrassing low capacity. It was also the things going on in his head. Honestly, Vanitas had no idea what was going on with him. Something was definitely wrong. Not just the voices and images that shouldn’t be there but also these strange thoughts and emotions. Usually he never had to deal with any of that for too long. He was able to detach his consciousness from his feelings, controlling them to fuel his powers. His greatest weakness was supposed to be his biggest strength.   
And yet the last two days proved to be straining beyond any training he had endured so far. He was broken and … vulnerable. To make things worse he had no idea how to fix it and why he partially didn’t even want to fix it. He was confused and irritated by his irrational and twisted thinking. How could someone do and feel things without understanding them? He panicked and drowned in despair just like that. He couldn’t stop himself, no matter how hard he tried. Such a nuisance.

Was he losing control? Was he too weak to suppress his darkest emotions? The strongest always wins. Either he gained control over his powers or they would control him. And Vanitas usually wasn’t scared of anything – but he didn’t want to imagine what would happen if he lost control and his suppressed emotions overtook him.   
A cold shiver ran down his spine and he forced himself to shove these wimpy dreads in the back of his mind. He should focus on finding something to do with his existence. Maybe if he found something that would spark his interest, a desire, just any goal, all of these weak and cowardly doubts would fade away. He could be his old glorious self again. This was only temporary. He was always weak when his heart was incomplete and powerless, after all. So with given time, things could get back to the way they used to be … right?

Vanitas arrived at a weird tunnel entrance. The sign showed a map of Twilight Town.

And idea hit him. Perhaps he could find some foolish humans from which he could feed of their negative emotions. Drain others of their energy to restore his own. Although it would probably need more than an envious child to actually make a difference. It wasn’t the same like in Monstropolis - other World-Laws and shit. And this world was far too friendly. No negativity traceable.

His forced motivation was immediately put on trial as he contemplated to give up his plan before even starting it. Vanitas was just tired and angry. A handful of energy, like a drop of cold water on a bonfire, wouldn’t change anything. It was pointless if he couldn’t recharge on anything useful.

Maybe Vanitas zoned out for a bit. Just standing and existing. He was as good at doing nothing and waiting for his opportunity as he was at taking matters in his own hands.   
But he quickly perked up, spinning thoughts brushed off, as he heard a bunch of footsteps in the distance behind him.

He held back a loud groan and threw his head back, wishing all this bullshit was nothing but a stupid dream. He never dreamed before, so he wouldn’t know if it was one, right? There was still a possibility, right?!

“You know, maybe that sounds cheesy, but hanging out at the Clock Tower and the Secret Spot feels less lonely with so many of us.” That was the voice of Fake-Ventus. Vanitas quickly hid behind a bush, which was a stupid reaction, but he had no patience left to deal with them.  
“You’re right, that IS cheesy.” Hayner laughed and nudged him.   
“Hey!”  
“Well, he’s right. The more the marrier, like they always say.” Olette had her arms behind her back and just smiled at the antics of her friends. Although it was strange at first, it felt like they knew Roxas for a long time and their conversations and joking just came so natural to them.

A few meters behind them walked Repliku, Naminé and Xion. The girls were currently talking with each other about seashells and what kind of cute items they could craft with them. Liku didn’t seem that interested, but was content with the atmosphere anyway.

They were all so noisy and upbeat, it was driving Vanitas insane. But for some fucked up reason, he decided to follow them. Since he had nothing better to do. And the more he knew about his enemies, the better. Yeah, that seemed right. It wasn’t like he was curious, it was just easier to follow than acting on his own. That would be weak.

As silently as possible, Vanitas stayed in the shadows of the tunnel, pulling stray leaves out of his hair as he followed the group, not in ear shot, but still able to see them. He froze when Naminé, just around the corner, suddenly stopped and looked over her shoulder. Vanitas had no idea why, but he slightly jumped back and pressed himself against the wall, hissing. He couldn’t hear them, so he couldn’t risk looking. If they found out they would just bother him again and pester to accompany them. Ugh, no thanks.   
Well, he still had a few tricks for these cases.

Vanitas closed his eyes and focused to channel his limited energy. He clenched his hand to a fist and concentrated. Then he stretched his arm out, suppressing the turmoil inside him and releasing just enough of his darkness to make a single Flood.   
With the silent order, it merged with the shadows and followed them. Now Vanitas had enough time to take a deep breath and calm down. He needed full control over himself to do that.   
He closed his eyes once more and waited. When he opened them this time, they had turned red. His perspective was now very close to the ground, multiple walking pairs of feet not far from him – although he hadn’t moved from his hiding spot at all.

His Unversed were a part of him. They are what he feels. A small piece of his existence. So it was only logical that they not only shared the pain and emotions. Vanitas could see the world through their eyes. After all, they were his own. Usually he couldn't hear or see what they experienced first hand, but it was possible if he didn't produce too many. It was draining and tiring him, but that would be worth it if he could find out what ulterior motives these fools hid from him.

Inviting him to eat ice cream his ass. He didn't believe them one bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, although this fic is Vanitas centered, I'll write from the perspective of the others from time to time~  
> And since Unversed are a part of Vanitas and he had red eyes before Ventus and Sora connected, I figured this ability would fit him and imagine he did this method to spy on Ventus, Aqua and Terra in BBS^^  
> See ya next sunday! :)


	8. Melody

While the boys went to get the ice cream, Naminé and Xion went to an Item-Shop. Despite potions and accessories they also had the usual tourist stuff, keychains, bags, snow globes …  
Naminé especially liked the one with the Clock Tower. It was tiny and cute and it had a little orange LED so it made an artificial sunset glow.

“Aww, this one is cute! I wish I could buy them all. But Ansem and Saix won’t give me more munny.” Xion sighed, debating if she should buy the keychain or the hair clip. Since she tagged along a lot with the Twilight Gang and Roxas these days - and also had a liking to buy or bring some little pieces as a memorial home - her pocket money was slowly devoured by ice cream and knickknacks.

Unlike her, Naminé rather crafted and drew and therefore had saved a little fortune. At least, for her it was. But someone who never had or needed much possessions probably didn’t count as the average person. However, she liked the snow globe. “I think I’m buying this.” She also spotted a cool bracelet that came in three different colors and thought Repliku might like one of them, but she wasn’t entirely sure, neither were much of the fashion type.  
As she paid for the snow globe, something in the corner of her vision moved. But when she looked, nothing was there. Perhaps it was just one of the many stray cats. Or she just imagined it.

After their little shopping trip, the group went to the clock tower. As usual.

“I love these sunsets.” Xion sighed and licked her sea salt ice cream. By now the guy that sold these treats knew them by their names and most of his salary was probably made of their munny.

“Well, that’s what our town is famous for.” Pence scratched his nose, grinning.

“Yeah … It’s peaceful.” Repliku actually contributed something to their conversation, which alone was surprising enough. But he hadn’t touched his ice cream yet, only looking at it as if he never saw something like that before. “Vanitas doesn’t know what he’s missing out.” He didn’t just mean the ice cream – it was okay. He liked sour lemon more. It was eating food in general. Enjoying the flavors and how warm it made one feel to share a meal with others – although the food was frozen in that case.

“I thought you don’t like him.” Naminé wondered out loud, also just holding her ice cream in one hand and the snow globe in the other, admiring how the particles sparkled in the sunlight.  
Liku shook his head. “I don’t exactly hate him … he just reminds me too much of my – err, Riku’s – darker self sometimes. And he has the same grin like Xehanort. It’s annoying.” He felt everyone’s stares on him. “Maybe I just can’t stand him because I was like him at some point and still would be if not for …” He didn’t finish and just shrugged.  
Repliku didn’t just feel uncomfortable talking about his past … he felt a stare in his neck. But couldn’t quite tell why. It was unnerving. Mentioning that old geezer probably woke something in him … or somebody else?

“Well, I don’t know about any of that, but to me he just looked lost and overwhelmed …” Olette mused, the images of Vanitas, cursing and crying until he suddenly passed out, still in her head. At first the black smoke scared them, but it didn’t look threatening. Quite the opposite. As if it hurt him that something like that was happening. Touching him wasn’t harmful, it was just warm and cold at the same time while Vanitas seemed to suffer most of its wrath.

“I don’t get him” Hayner inquired. “Yesterday he was passing out from a panic attack and now he’s acting like a cold rock.” He had finished his ice cream already and pulled one knee up, leaning back. “What guy wants to be left alone to **_rot_**?”

“Did he really say that?” Roxas still couldn’t believe it, even though they told him what happened yesterday, when they brought him back.

“Yeah and there was all this smoke. He was clearly in pain but still didn’t want our help – let alone to be touched!” Pence wildly gestured while re-telling the story.

Naminé winced and stared at the snow globe in her hand. The fake snow settled and the sparkles faded. “He’s convinced that’s all he has left.” She smiled bitterly, shaking the globe again. He reminded her of herself. The others went quiet, waiting for her to continue. “He was created for a certain purpose. And now, to him, his life is expired. Because he’s not needed anymore. And now, without knowing what to do with himself, Vanitas just clings to the leftovers. He acts and does things in the only way he has ever known” She said a little louder and watched the snow fall down. “I could be wrong, but when I try to imagine what it would be like in his place … All alone, I would find comfort in those patterns and habits. It would give me at least some kind of known stability and safety.”

“That sounds so incredibly sad … no, tragic even.” Olette couldn’t really enjoy her ice cream anymore and shook her head. Even Hayner couldn’t help but think about it and grimaced.

“If you put it like that, I think I understand him. It was hard for me to learn that I could trust others and how good it feels to know I’m not alone … and what friendship is.” Xion blinked a few tears away. She was also created for a purpose. Well, kind of made sense because Xemnas and Xehanort were the same person. “If it weren’t for Roxas and Axel, I never would’ve known what it’s like. There were so many things I didn’t know about life, I was like a zombie. I didn’t understand anything and if all I ever had was the influence of this man …” She trailed off, getting quieter with each word. Xion didn’t want to imagine what it would be like if she had always been in the true Organization, for example. Surrounded by Xehanorts. Or just the old man itself, that was already bad enough. She had Roxas and Axel. And Repliku and Naminé had each other, Sora and Riku. And now they were a big group and shared the same experiences.  
Vanitas, on the other hand, never had any good influence.

Xion, Naminé, Roxas and Repliku all knew what it was like to be created for ulterior motives. To be used as puppets. Like pawns in a game of chess. Nobody ever asked if that was what they wanted. They all had to disappear against their will. They all had to sacrifice so much. Suffered so much. Vanitas was just like them. And he had no one that showed him that there was another way. That he was more than what he was created for. Nobody held out a hand for him.  
But there was still a question in their mind they dreaded to think about: What if it was already too late for him?

What if he couldn’t be redeemed? Would they really risk to get hurt by trying to help him, even though he didn’t want it?

“Well, there’s only one thing to do now.” Roxas finally decided, standing up. “If he’s convinced he has to be this way, we will prove him wrong!”

“Forcing him won’t help.” Liku interfered. The feeling of being watched faded. Probably because the depressed mood disappeared now. Yet he still had goosebumps for some reason and that was usually a sign to stay on guard just in case. “You can’t pressure him to do something he doesn’t want to. That would only drive him further away.”

“And what are we supposed to do then?” Roxas questioned, tilting his head. He wasn’t really educated in the field of socializing. Especially not with difficult people like Vanitas. He wasn’t just an edgy Sora, that guy was an entire mystery.

“Well, friendships work the usual way. Bond over shared hobbies, or talk about things you like.” Olette offered. “Even if he doesn’t know or shows it, there has to be something he likes … right?”

Hayner groaned, throwing his head back. “Ugh, I think this is going to take a while.”

The Flood, hidden under one of the bells, had evaporated, having fulfilled its purpose. Vanitas had watched the group talking on the Clock Tower afar from another roof and when they stood up to leave, Vanitas did the same. His eyes turned back to yellow.

He wasn’t able to hear them clearly enough. It was too muffled – like he was underwater and they above the surface. And well, he couldn’t actually climb up the tower without being noticed. But he heard a few things loud and clear. They were talking about him. ~~Pitying~~ gossiping about him. And whatever they planned to do with him, Vanitas wasn’t having any of that. After all, there was nothing worth going back. He didn’t own anything that he could’ve left behind and if they really wanted to look for him, he could … hide? Ugh, pathetic. But if they truly wanted to mess with Vanitas, they could track him down anyway with the Witch. This time not on accident but on purpose. And he didn’t want that. Wasn’t there any way to block or cut his connection to their hearts?

He had no desire to follow them or go back to the mansion, so he just aimlessly walked down the streets, mind blank. After his panicked state from yesterday he was burnt out and the little dive in the bathroom did little to nothing to calm him down. Everything was grey and tasteless … which didn’t even make sense to him. A color had no taste. Especially not grey.

_“She thinks you’re expired. Perhaps she’s right. They feel sorry for your weak worthless existence.”_

Was that the voice of his mirror again? Vanitas’s eyes were fixed on the ground, just like the perspective of his Flood before. While walking down the street, all he saw were walking feet, too many of them for his taste. Some steps too loud or to close. Some people were talking, laughing … a bunch of noise mixing to a buzz of statics and ringing. His senses were on high alert and he was tense all over. ~~Panicking~~ paranoid.

Exhausting. That’s what it was. Everything and his drained state were just tiring. Maybe he should take another nap? What if he slept for multiple days again? What if he never woke up? Either way, it sounded tempting.

Vanitas was just about to muse on what rooftop or which alley he should retreat to lay down. But he stopped dead in his track when he heard a loud noise, something so … weird, he never heard it before. It was echoing like nothing else, a mix of multiple sounds and vibrations. What the hell? Something of that reminded him of Naminé’s humming. It was so … full of emotion? How could noise have emotion?!

Without really noticing it, he had followed the noise and soon found the source. A small group of teenagers stood at a bridge with weird weapons that produced these sounds and they were talking weirdly. Other people also paid them attention, smiling and some threw coins in an odd shaped box. This was probably the strangest thing Vanitas ever witnessed. In the back of his mind he knew what this was. Some kind of déjà-vu overcame him and when he closed his eyes, it was like the noise carried so many different waves with it. Like an ocean, moody and always changing. Sometimes calm and steady and sometimes wild and chaotic. Right now, it was calm and … sad? Yeah, it was sad. A sad … noise? And then it wasn’t all of a sudden! What the fuck?!

Vanitas wasn’t good with emotions. They were irritating and he never really understood them. Anger, envy, sorrow and all these were clear and familiar. But sometimes it wasn’t just one thing at a time. Sometimes it was something that couldn’t be described as one. And he had even more trouble imagining what positive emotions felt like. He had a concept of it in his head, memories, but actually experiencing and feeling them with his heart _(if he still had one)_ was entirely different.

But this - this noise - that was easy. He didn’t need to think about it. Didn’t have to make sense of it. It was just there. He simply **felt** what was going on. With closed eyes and this nice sound the darkness felt less suffocating. Instead of caving in, the abyss was expanding and the unknown horizon was promising, more … what was the word for that? ~~Hope?~~

_“… Battlescars, lead me through the night like stars. And all I ever wanted was this. Yeah, all I ever wanted was this. Out of bounds, when every single wall comes down, I'll be standing on the edge of greatness …”_

He had no idea how long he just stood there, listening to the colorful and variating noise that filled his chest and head with a weird urge. He wanted to listen to it for longer and at the same time he wanted to scream and hit something – then he was just relieved and calm. How powerful and soothing at the same time. Whatever this was supposed to be, it filled Vanitas with an odd excitement. People around him where cheering, buzzing with almost as much energy. It was a little annoying, because they disturbed the … the … Melody? Yeah, that was the word.

Such a strange pull in his chest. The ghost of a smile crossed his face. But it faded just as fast as it washed over him.

“Having fun?”  
Startled, Vanitas turned around with wide eyes. Saix – although he looked so weird without his coat – stood there, his expression as unreadable as always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah I'm hyped for Melody of Memory as well and I hope Vanitas at least gets a small part in it ...  
> And I figured, since Naminé is an artist and made of two people (Kairi and Sora) Vanitas perhaps also has a liking for art, in that case music :3 I have read so many fics with him playing guitar, violin, piano or singing and I just think him liking sounds and music (because music is the language of the heart, hehe) it would be the best way for him to cope with irritating emotions. You don't need to understand them, you just have to feel. And he can certainly do that xD  
> Also yeah, there is a little easter egg with Carol and Tuesday: [Light A Fire](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHhR4AYgmgY)  
> I figured Bring Me The Horizon wouldn't be that kind of street artist music to play in Twilight Town :'D  
> See ya next sunday!


	9. Rain

He should’ve known that. His feeling of freedom was short lived. Just when he thought he got rid of them, another showed up.   
“What do you want?” Vanitas snarled, backing away a few steps in case he needed to get away or fight him. He was never sure with that lunatic _(you know: luna, moon … well, he thought it was funny)_ was up to. That guy always loomed near Xemnas like a shadow and as if that wasn’t weird enough, Vanitas had never understood his ulterior motive. So it was better to stay alert.

“I was visiting Ansem, Ienzo and the others in Radiant Garden and was about to head back.” He said, monotone and unimpressed. “I usually pass by here, the street artists are very good. And you … Don’t exactly blend in with the crowd.”

“So what, at least I don’t look like an old man in child clothes.” Vanitas retorted, wrinkling his nose, which kind of looked like he was a grumpy cat. “So what’re you gonna do now? Force me to go back?” As if Vanitas had unknowingly offended every god in every world, fitting to his remark, the sunset was blocked by dark clouds and the loud grumble of thunder forced the musicians to stop their street performance. “Oh, for fucks sake!”   
Vanitas threw his hands in the air and glared at the sky above him. The little drops that fell on his cheek seemed to mock him. Like they were laughing and proving him wrong. It could always get worse, even when you thought you already hit rock bottom.

“Well, I won’t force you, but you could have a warm blanket, hot cocoa and Lea’s half decent cooking instead of standing in the rain.” Saix offered once again, his expression not giving anything away. Ugh, he hated that bastard’s poker face _(which was mostly because he envied him for that, but it pissed him off more when he couldn’t read others)._

“I don’t need any of that.” The cold wind made Vanitas shiver and he hugged himself, walking in the opposite direction. “I’m sick of people trying to help me. **Nothing** is wrong with me. This is the path I’ve chosen. I don’t need anyone to _fix_ me!” He stooped in his tracks for a moment, slightly turning his head to the side, but not facing Saix completely. “So tell your stupid friends to fucking start minding their own business and to stop forcing their damn hero-complex on me!”   
It was a good thing the people around hem were too busy to pay any attention to his bickering.

Saix made a step forward to follow him, but decided against it. He couldn’t force him. And he wasn’t the type to … talk reason into someone. He wouldn’t even believe his own words if he told Vanitas or anyone else what the right thing was and how they should do it. Saix still thought of himself as a bad person. He couldn’t help him. Even if he spend the most time with Vanitas in the true Organization, out of all of them. Still, he should tell the others about this. That was the least he could do.  
Vanitas was long gone, headed around the corner, so it was useless to run after him.

Saix was about to turn away, when he noticed something in the corner of his eyes.   
“Huh … apparently he left something behind.” Raising one of his eyebrows, he stared at the tiny Unversed that helplessly tried to avoid getting stomped by several citizens running for shelter of the upcoming storm.

Well, he couldn’t just leave that thing. But when he was about to call his Berserker and destroy it, he decided against it. That fragile tiny thing didn’t seem worth it. And for an Unversed, it seemed … strange. “Interesting.”  
However, when Saix made a motion to bend over it and extended his hand, the being hissed and flinched before it took off. It was so fast, there was no chance of following it. Hopefully this tiny thing didn’t start to cause trouble. Another reason why he should head back and inform the rest of the gang about this.

The sun was gone now and rain was pouring like crazy from the dark sky along with the howling wind that made the rain feel like little daggers. Vanitas’s hair and suit were soaking wet for the second time this day. He had lost orientation in this stupid town a long time ago and just collapsed in an alley, frustrated with everything and everyone. He couldn’t open a dark corridor, he couldn’t teleport anymore, he was tired and everything sucked. Why was he even running away? For what reason? He had no desire to stay or leave. In fact, Vanitas had no idea what he was even going to do with his life and what he wanted. He wasn’t needed. His whole existence had always been dedicated to a purpose or to a person.   
He always convinced himself he did it for his own benefit, that he was doing what HE wanted … but the truth was, he didn’t. He just did things because … he had no idea what else there was. From the very moment he came to life, his destiny was already settled.

_“You’re expired, remember? No one needs you.”_

“So what, you want me to dispose of myself?”

_“No, not exactly. Despite everything, you’re still too stubborn to life or die for real. Always in between.”_

“And?”

_“It’s the lingering spirit that keeps bringing you back. Your **remnant**.”_

Where was the voice in his head going with that? Was he supposed to be affected by that revelation in some way? Vanitas found he didn’t care. He just huffed and hit the back of his head against the brick wall in irritation.   
Perhaps he should be bothered there was another voice or will inside him in the first place, but at least he could insult someone that way. It was less ~~lonely~~ boring.   
Fuck, he was just so damn tired. So what if he died? The only thing that was unsettling to him was that he had no idea if he would come back like the times before. His lingering will would keep him tied to existence, because for some fucked up reason he couldn’t give up. He was really a shadow, sticking to his owners and feeding off their hearts. But if Ventus and Sora were gone, just like Xehanort … or if they would finally deliver the final blow themselves … That would be something. Of course, maybe he should-

_“Yes, you should. Kill the-”_

“Meow!”

The unfamiliar third voice made Vanitas perk up. In the darkness, a being made of black … fur … approached him. It made these weird sounds. Well, the black animal kept ‘meowing’ or whatever and sat in front of him. What? Was it mocking him in his pathetic state, hunched over, sitting in a dark alley, soaking wet and talking to himself? If someone else were in his place, he certainly would.

“Meow.”

“Fuck you too.” Vanitas scrunched his nose and huffed, turning his head away to avoid the intense yellow eyes staring at him. The thing didn’t back away. Quite the opposite, it came closer, tiny feet- paws – tapping through a puddle and sitting down between Vanitas’s legs, staring.  
“Meow!” It demanded something. Vanitas had no idea what it wanted or why it dared bothering him in the first place. The rude thing just meowed and tilted its head a little to the side, ears twitching. Vanitas did the same, confused and annoyed by the bold creature.

He was about to shoo it away by calling Void Gear, but the lightning in the sky above them settled that. The sudden thunder that followed made the animal hiss and jump, taking cover between a trashcan and a bag, shivering. Ah, so it was probably looking for shelter or it lived here and Vanitas had invaded its spot or some shit. Well, he didn’t care. He was too stubborn and tired to move, so he just remained where he was. Looking up, he closed his eyes, ice-cold raindrops hitting his face and the sound of rain on concrete making him zoon out.  
That was, until the thing meowed again. Yellow eyes stared at Vanitas and the furry beast approached him once more. Carefully, like stalking a prey it sniffed his hand.

“Just go away before I find my motivation to snap your neck.” He snarled, shoving its head away from him. However, the thing just took that as an opportunity to bite him. It didn’t hurt, the leather protected his hand, but the attack startled him nonetheless, so he tried to shake it off. The beast was very persistent, its claws digging in his arm and when Vanitas used his other hand to grab its neck, the thing made both the most dangerous and pained growling sound it could muster. Now it was almost frozen on his arm, claws and teeth still dug in and the wet fur standing in spikes. The sound faded when his grip loosened, but the black beast still wouldn’t budge. Why Vanitas wasn’t just pulling it off with force and throwing it to the other end of the alley … he had no idea.

He kind of understood it. It was scared, alone, angry, cold and everything was out to get it. It was so small and those pathetic little claws and teeth wouldn’t do any damage. Cornered, not knowing another way out, all it could do was attack and whine, complain, cry and threaten as best as it could. Well, too bad Vanitas still didn’t care.   
With a quick jerk, he pulled the beast off his arm and held it between his hands, to prevent to be attacked in the face. He just glared at it until it stopped meowing, hissing and thrashing around. It eventually returned the glare.

“You done? Now get out of my face, stupid thing.” With a graceful jump, it landed on its feet when Vanitas released it. But it still wouldn’t go. “Why on all worlds can’t I be left alone?!”  
Yelling at the clouds above him didn’t change anything. It was dumb. So Vanitas just figured if the thing attacked him again, he would end it and closed his eyes once more. A nap sounded really tempting right now.

His consciousness was brought back by a vibrating sound. It was on his chest, along with a little weight. Not really disturbing, it was warm and soft. Glinting through one eye, Vanitas saw the little beast on his torso, making purring sounds and closed eyes, the tiny soft paws tugged under its body like it was made of liquid or something. The tail slightly wiggled back and forth while it seemed to enjoy Vanitas’s chest as a pillow.  
The cold and exhaustion was affecting Vanitas too much, because apparently he wasn’t able to push the thing off. He only managed to lift his hand just enough to rest on its back, the purr vibrating in his palm like a rhythm. Soothing …   
He was definitely too weak. Not having the strength to get rid of it and pathetically close his eyes again. Like he fucking enjoyed the company. At least it couldn’t talk. It wasn’t silent, but it didn’t bother him with stupid questions and unnecessary life wisdoms either. That was a plus. And if something else was going to attack him, the thing would jump and wake him, so he afforded to succumb to darkness once again and drift off into a nap – or sleep. Yeah, maybe he would rest a little longer.

“There you are!” When he finally found him, the runaway was surrounded by a handful of alley cats and one small black cat was curled up on his chest. The picture would be very cute and adorable, if it weren’t for the fact that it was in the middle of the night after a heavy thunderstorm. The whole alley was practically a puddle and it was freezing. “You’re gonna get sick, Vanitas.”

When Vanitas opened his eyes, annoyed by yet another disturbance. And when he looked up at the intruder, he was shocked. For a brief second, he found himself back in the Graveyard, facing his mortal enemy, sword drawn, when the very same face was right in front of him.   
Ventus … no, that couldn’t be the person who kneeled in front of him. It was dark, but he just felt that it was someone else. Was it Sora’s nobody? Roxas or whatever his name was?

“Can’t you all just go away and die or something.” He croaked, surprised how hoarse his own voice sounded.

“When Saix came back to the mansion and told us you just stormed off, we went to look for you.” Now that Vanitas’s eyes got used to the poor lighting, he noticed Roxas wasn’t holding a Keyblade, but an umbrella and he was wearing his black coat like a cape, hung around his shoulders, as if he had just thrown it over and left in a hurry. “Axel, Hayner and Repliku also came along. Why are you here?”  
If Vanitas had been more rested, he would laugh at how concerned that almost sounded. Fitting for a Ventus but regarding to the wrong person.

“The deal was I can do what I want as long as I don’t hurt anyone. So stay out of my business and get lost before I change my mind.”  
Roxas remained silent and sighed, scratching the neck of another stray cat at his feet. Vanitas wondered why they hadn’t been scared off or hissed at the intrusion … and also why the beast somehow managed to multiply in, like what, half an hour or something?

“I get you don’t want to have anything to do with us, after everything that happened … but I’m not Sora nor Ventus. And neither are you. So … why don’t we start over on a fresh plate?” Roxas held out his hand.

Vanitas huffed, immediately feeling his throat becoming scratchy and turning to a cough. He stared at the hand as if it would burn him the moment he touched it. “I don’t take offers from someone with that face.”

Instead of a glare, Ventus-the-sequel rolled his eyes and went silent for a moment, until he suddenly pulled the hood of his cloak over his head - the way members of the organizations often did to hide their identity. And then he held his hand out again, smirking. “How about now?”  
At first, he didn’t get it. Blinking, Vanitas’s fogged mind slowly made sense of the scenario and he giggled, which also resulted in a coughing fit. “How foolish of me. Right. You’re even more stupid than him.”

Roxas seemed to become impatient, although he still didn’t pull back. It was really cold. Well, Vanitas barely felt it, but he was really tired … so very, very tired.  
“Come on, you’re gonna get the death out here. You’ve clearly become sick, Vanitas.”

“I have never been sick once in my existence!” He refused to accept the obvious. But he wasn’t human, how could something like a cold affect him? It never bothered him before. And just because something was wrong with his head, didn’t mean his body was also … right. He was on low limits. Maybe that’s why his health was so easily affected and messed up.

“There’s always a first time for everything.” Roxas insisted and squatted in front of Vanitas, because kneeling was really uncomfortable and he could also pet one of the furry things. “You know … I think someone who’s nice to animals can’t be pure evil.”

For some reason, Vanitas felt the need to defend himself in his usual sarcastic way “I am darkness. I never said I was evil” Okay, that didn’t come out as mocking like he wanted it, but he couldn’t take that back now. Just … gotta save this somehow. “I just don’t care about anyone or anything else but myself.” Well, that was good. “I don’t do something without a purpose.”

“Riiight” Roxas clearly rolled his eyes behind that stupid hood. “Is that why you’re so rude and literally always asking for a fight?”

“I also never said I didn’t like to be mean. It’s the way I am. What I chose to be.”

“Well, I get what you mean and I don’t wanna be the guy to tell you what’s the right way, but … why not try something new then?” Roxas looked up enough for his face to be visible again. He smiled. Not that goofy smile he was used to from his brother. It was cockier and there was that strain, like he knew what suffering meant. Yeah, Vanitas knew that all too well.

He thought for a moment about the offer. And just like earlier with Xion, he wanted to say no. No, he had no reason to play nice and life with these idiots. No, he hated company. No, he just wanted to be left alone, rot in peace and do what he wanted.   
But on the other hand, there was nothing holding him back. Yes, he could try it. Yes, there was no reason why he wouldn’t be able to. Yes, aside from his ego, his reputation and the simple fact that he didn’t like their lifestyle and happy attitude, there was this craving for more – something else than misery. It wasn’t just envy … But Vanitas had decided a long time ago this kind of thing didn’t suit him. One was better off without wanting to experience something they could never have or be. You can’t lose or grieve over something that you never had or knew in the first place.  
“Why should I?”

Roxas tilted his head, contemplating that question. “Hmm … Maybe because you could prove Xehanort wrong? Just like we all did before.”

Now that got his attention.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nyanitas is now officially accepted by the local Twilight Town stray cats as an alpha, yay~  
> Also, the alley scene is kind of a throwback to Sora arriving in Traverse Twon at the start of KH1.  
> And actually, this chapter got so long I had to cut it in two and it's still more than my average word count for this fic so ... you're welcome xD  
> I hope I can keep the weekly updates but I haven't been able to write lately, so my stock is kinda low right now. But I'll do my best >^<  
> See ya next sunday!


	10. Unfair

“Xehanort … well, Xemnas, always claimed that Nobodies don’t have hearts. That we couldn’t feel. And that we’re not like Somebodies, because we never were human to begin with. But we’re still here. And although we came a long way, Xion, Naminé, I and even Repliku can live our own life now.” Roxas curled his hand into a fist and placed it over the left side of his chest. “Our bodies and hearts might not be the same as humans, but we’re alive. We’re still here. And we have every right to exist, no matter if we used to be Nobodies or pure Replicas.” He smiled, convinced that this was the truth. “And so do you, Vanitas.”

After that little speech, Vanitas was almost willing to applaud, if it wouldn’t cost so much energy. Instead, he just huffed and preferred to stare at the furry thing that still rested on his torso, purring loudly and staring at him through half closed eyes. Yeah, that beast didn’t buy this either, unfazed and chill as fuck like the nuisance it was. He decided to take that as an example and focused Roxas indifferently … or tried to, because damn was everything blurry all of a sudden.

“I never cared much about being human.” Vanitas not-so gently shoved the cat aside, which meowed in protest but still landed on its feet- paws- whatever. He was too uncomfortable _(both mentally and physically)_ to just sit here and listen to the bullshit of Sora’s nobody with his brother’s face … like, this idiot was literally all the things and people he despised most stuffed into one being. He’d rather talk to the Witch or Idiotica instead. “Xehanort was a manipulating, lying, crazy and shitty asshole … but everything I did after the time travel - I did it on my own.”

“And what was before that?” Roxas’s smile faded, but he still seemed confident in his choice. Well, his loss. But would it be too much to ask to fucking stay still and stop shaking? No, everything was spinning, not just him. It was Vanitas who … Okay maybe he stood up too fast, his stomach really didn’t feel good.

“I … he told me … Forging the X-Blade was my only way of salvation … stop pain of existing … Four years long I-“ Vanitas wasn’t able to finish nor could he even make sense of what and why he was talking about at all. He had to support himself by leaning against the wall, almost falling over.

“Woah, easy! Are you-“ Roxas was about to catch him, but he had to dodge when Vanitas suddenly clasped his hands around his stomach and vomited. Black ooze, like mud and smoke, dripped from his mouth to the wet ground and tainted the clear puddle beneath their shoes. Like oil polluting the ocean. Yeah, that kind of looked like thick oil … but the smell was bad, like ash, as if something inside Vanitas – or he himself – was burning. What was that smell called? Sulfur?

Roxas tended to forget that he never really had attended chemistry class, let alone a real school, before, so he shoved these thoughts aside and, against Vanitas gurgled protests, went next to his side. He carefully pulled one arm around his shoulders and stabilized the sick edgelord by putting his other arm around Vanitas’s waist.   
“I hope the others are close, I forgot to bring my phone with me … dammit. Stay awake, it’s going to be okay.” Roxas assured him, slightly overwhelmed with the whole situation.

Vanitas only coughed up more of the goop. “Don’t tell me … what to do.” His throat burned. And everything faded again … no. No. Nonono … he wasn’t going to lose consciousness again. He wasn’t going to … be so weak. Not in front of him!

_“And why not? What’s keeping you from resting a little?”_ The mocking voice in the back of his head laughed as he was unable to keep his eyes open any longer. He felt incredibly heavy but also … very light, as soon as he succumbed to the darkness. Mostly he considered this black realm his home and territory but lately … it didn’t quite appeal as homely to him anymore.

_“V-ven … tus …” A creature covered in black, almost unable to keep a solid shape and with glowing red eyes looked at the limp figure, out of his reach. He could barely move, but every molecule in his body ached, craved to go back. This body may not be his own but he was a part of it. He couldn’t be on his **own**! Couldn’t **be** without it! His other half! His twin! No, he needed him!_

_He wanted to crawl over, but he was so weak that he could barely lift his head and watched as the old man dragged his host away. The person he used to live inside, like a shadow. Like a twin that never had the chance to be born but was a part of his soulmate nonetheless. A part that was missing now. That would evaporate without Ventus. He needed him. He missed him. Every instinct, every thought he had from the beginning was begging to go back._

_Everything hurt. The air and ground – everything that touched his skin felt so overwhelming and exposed. Ventus was his shell, his safe space, his home … and now it was all gone. He was unprotected. Vulnerable. So weak that he could only lay in the dust, screeching inhuman cries of sorrow and grief for his loss._

_The first thing he ever experienced in his own individual life was suffering. And no matter how strong he would get, it would never fully fade or leave him. Never. The first few seconds of his existence, when he was given a name and purpose by his fath- his **Master** … the strength left him as soon as he took his twin away through that portal._

_When he eventually managed to get up, he took in his surroundings. He was born on a land surrounded by the aura of death and destruction. Structures around him. And he had claws and … no … He changed. His shapeless form got into … it … it started to BECOME. It WAS._

_“I see.” A deep and gruff voice called. Vanitas was just able to lift himself up enough, before his face (he had one?) was forcefully grabbed by the chin and pulled upwards. “So this will be the face of my future enemy. It was true after all.” The man looked up to the sky, where a new star had appeared and lit the night. When had it become so dark here? And where was **here** anyway? “Perfect. Everything is according to plan.”_

_Vanitas – that was his given name – was upset. To say the least. The minute he was able to move properly, he made his first unsteady steps, walking away from the man and touching his new face and the clothes he had. His hands were black, almost transparent and dark veins crawled up his pale arms. It hurt. Moving. Weeping. Like a child, a baby, that didn’t understand why the world would be so cruel to it. He coughed and felt awful. Something inside him wanted to break out.  
Vanitas fell to his knees, gripping his upper arms tight and bending over. He screamed and was filled with so much … so much … **emotion** … He cried and coughed until he realized that he was surrounded by wobbling creatures, sharing his pain. They mimicked his behavior and squealed miserably, not even standing up. Seeing them – an extended reflection of his own miserable life – he just wanted to destroy them. Maybe that would end him and this pain too …_

_Before Vanitas realized it, something heavy was in his hands and he just went for it on instinct. He clawed, bitt and attacked everything in his sight, although the violence was only one sided. The creatures suffered and made no attempt to stop him or defend themselves. He soon realized they let him because he **wanted** to kill them. They listened to his desires. To his feelings. For some reason, that made him even more upset._

_  
But with every destroyed creature, he felt just worse. The pain numbed him for a short moment, but a strong ache in his chest resonated and knocked his breath out. Still, he wouldn’t stop. Irritated by this, he was just doing it over and over again in a vicious circle. Pain and outlet circulating until he was on the ground, barely awake and hyperventilating._

_“The pain won’t stop. What once was torn apart, cannot be sewn together the same again.” The voice spoke. This man watched him the whole time. Vanitas wanted to rip his face off, despite the call in the back of his mind that he belonged to this person. That he should listen to him. Because he was his creator. “However, I can offer you a solution. Become my apprentice and forge the X-Blade with me. Then you shall know true power and become your own complete person, surpassing Ventus and never needing anyone to exist ever again.” The man extended his hand towards him, the other behind his back. Vanitas just stared at it. “It’s the only way of salvation, my boy.”_

_He had nothing. He was born with nothing and he had nothing to lose. He had no purpose. And he didn’t understand anything. This man created him and all Vanitas knew was that if doing what that man said would end this suffering and become whole again, he would endure it.  
Vanitas took the offered hand and a wave of darkness hit him, as his body covered in this strange suit once more. And he felt … shielded again. Less exposed and vulnerable. Like a second skin and armor._

_“So, you can stand and wield remarkable abilities. But I suppose we still should start with the basics.”_

_The man made him destroy his creations over and over again until he either would pass out or be able to control them - so he wouldn’t create more Unversed. Until none was left. It took him endless time. Eventually he was allowed to rest. One day the man came back with a thick book in his hand. Master Xehanort liked gaining new knowledge. But sharing it was never his intention as long as it wasn’t necessary. So Vanitas was mostly just left alone to train and destroy. To steel his nerves and become a warrior without remorse and hesitation. He didn’t understand. **All** Vanitas ever felt was remorse._

_“Can you read?” He asked him. His master probably even wondered if he could properly talk, considering he barely spoke more than a few words, most of it stuttered.  
Vanitas just tilted his head questioningly. The weird book thing had a plain title “K-key …blade and M-magic?”_

_The next days, were spent by studying different spells and fight poses. His Master would bring him books and sometimes even explain the words to him. Although born from Ventus, he barely shared his abilities, knowledge or memories. But there was no need to learn anything else aside from becoming stronger. Yet, one word stuck out in the history of the Keyblade war. The words “Brother-in-arms”_

_“What does brother mean?” He asked, not aware his master was still close by, sipping some strange fluid out of a tiny pot._

_“The term brother is commonly used for family. Mostly blood related.” Xheanort grinned to himself, eyes closed as he drank his tea. Master rarely directly looked at him. Perhaps it was because of his face. “I suppose you and Ventus count as brothers. Twins even. And the person that shares your face … properly even more, considering you truly have the same age and birthday.”_

_“What is a birthday?”_

_“The day you were created.”_

_Vanitas hummed in understanding. Their conversations were mostly like this. When he wasn’t drilling him during training, Master would usually just be indifferent about everything. He wouldn’t teach or tell Vanitas anything that wasn’t related to his purpose. But Vanitas was becoming stronger. The pain wasn’t as bad and he got more stamina. As long as his face was covered behind that mask, no one could know about his weakness. Still, Xehanort would be unpleased._

_“You have to learn control and suppression. You need to fuel your negativity without it consuming you in return. While sorrow and grief are negative, they are too familiar to desperation. It’s poisoning you … Perhaps you need motivation to feed off on your anger and hatred.”_

_Vanitas was taught to be merciless. However, he never really got the hang of it. Emotions were irritating and his pain and self-despise overshadowed everything else most of the time. His accomplishments in training rarely lifted his spirit. Mostly because Master never was satisfied – and therefore it wasn’t good enough to be proud of._

_The day he learned how to create and use dark corridors changed everything. It took almost a year, but he was finally there. His master only gestured to the black abyss and he found himself at a beach. The change of scenery after such a long time in a rusty desert was … unbelievable. The sound of waves and the difference between dust and sand … For the first time, he felt calm. He wanted to stay there but … He had the chance. He could actually do this! He could go back!_

_Ventus properly didn’t learn the ability to create portals and travel through worlds. Otherwise, he would’ve found him long before he did. So it was up to Vanitas, to use his unique skill – he could feel his connection to the person he was linked with. His twin. A feeling almost counting as euphoric coursed through his body as he closed his eyes and touched his chest. His fractured heart immediately knew where it would take him. All he had to do was just walk forward._

_Had Ventus felt the same as him? Suffered as much? Tried to become whole on his own again? Maybe he would understand him. Maybe he could show him this beach in the realm of darkness. They could connect and forge the X-Blade, like Master wanted. Maybe he didn’t need to become his own person. Or didn’t need to do it alone. Right, the feeling of loneliness that haunted him for so long he-_

_Vanitas saw his other half from afar. But he looked so … happy. In this bright, colorful world. Compared to here, his home graveyard and the dark beach stood nothing against this. It was big and full of this green and soft stuff – grass! And there was water! The sky was clear of clouds and bright blue! The sun was blinding. And he was … laughing. Unbothered. Like he didn’t even knew what he was missing at all. He was fine. He didn’t suffer. He was … happy. There was no need for salvation to him. Ventus already had everything he needed and wanted._

_That day Vanitas learned for the first time how **true** negative emotion felt._

_“You craved him so much and suffered while he never even noticed what he has lost or once had in the first place. Unlike you. Ventus never needed someone else to be complete while you had to fight so hard to just BE, Vanitas.” The speech was accompanied by a hand on his shoulder, squeezing just a bit too hard. Master sounded almost pitying, but his expression was as calculating as always. It was the closest to sympathy he would ever get from him. “Envy and Jealousy are the best fuels to anger and hatred. Hold onto those negative feelings and channel them. Then, you’ll become a greater being than Ventus ever will.”_

_This was also the first day Vanitas created more than just Floods and Hareraisers. As soon as Xehanort took him back to the graveyard, he screamed in rage and unleashed a big wave of darkness, burning through his whole body._

_And it was also the day he used a sharp stone to carve an ugly shape of Ventus on a ruin, only to throw the dead Keyblades at it until his arms became too tired. Then he used his telekinesis. But soon that too dried him out and he collapsed. By the grinning and pleased look of his master in the distance, he seemed to have satisfied his expectations for once._

_He should be ‘happy’ about that. But all Vanitas felt was a sour taste in his mouth and the urge to crawl into the deepest pit and never come out again … And that wet fluid that poured from his eye was annoying._

_“I assume you learned your lesson, Vanitas.”_

_It was all just annoying. Being Miserable and pathetic was annoying. Lacking strength and independence was annoying. The fact that Ventus had it so much better than him was annoying._

_“Yes Master.” Vanitas swore to himself he would take revenge on Ventus. He would make him suffer as much as he did. He would take his happiness away. He would become stronger and surpass him in everything just for the sake of proving that he was his own person. That he was better off without him._

_Vanitas was darkness and would manage to achieve everything on his own, just the way he was. No matter what, No matter the pain or the effort. He would do it!_

_“I’ll do whatever it takes to forge the X-Blade”_

The headache and all over sore pain in his body was nothing Vanitas wasn’t used to. The annoying white room he woke up in for the third time now ... Well, that was also starting to become a thing. Along with these strange thoughts and ~~dreams~~ memories lately.

The one thing he absolutely wasn’t used to, however, was the company. Next to him, resting in a chair, was Repliku with crossed arms, softly snoring as he leaned back. Not just that, but the weird appearance he had … was confusing. And Vanitas also didn’t really like that he was wrapped tightly in a cocoon of blankets.

Could this fucking dilemma get any more stupid and frustrating? According to his latest adventures – yes. So he should probably shut up before it really did get worse.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, I have not read the manga, so I just made up my own version of how Vanitas's life was with Xehanort. And to summarize it: it's a lot of gaslighting and abuse. The end. But well, I will add more backstory as flashbacks or fever dreams over time~  
> I figured Vanitas would have to learn and train a lot. Since Nobodies and Replicas are born as a copy of their original and possess the same knowledge and abilities, Vanitas was neither so he's like ... A newborn in a teenage body. You know, KH logic at it's best (and I stan one year old stuttering and confused Vanitas).
> 
> Also, there is NO WAY Vanitas woul've never taken the opportunity to visit Ventus as soon as he learned to use dark corridors. Fight me on this! xD (no please don't, I'm sensitive)
> 
> This chapter also contains the statement of Vanitas from the game; that he always was his own person inside Ventus, that Xehanort just set free. I interpret this like Vanitas was indeed supposed to be Ventus's twin-brother even but never had the chance to be born, already in the shadow of his other half before his life even began. And well, Sora and Vanitas were born on the same day too, so ... that also makes them more than face twins, while Sora and Ventus are heart-brothers :'D (yes, I love drama and complexity)
> 
> See ya next sunday!


	11. Sick

Vanitas considered bailing again, abandoning this ridiculous amount of blankets, but he felt terrible. He had no idea if he was cold or hot. Sweat ran down his forehead and when he turned his head too much the whole room was spinning. And his throat was so dry, he actually had the urge to drink some potion – or heck, even water. As if he really needed such a thing!

Well, anyway, he felt like shit and sleeping beauty next to him was only adding to the confused and shitty mood he was in. Vanitas kind of hoped if he glared at this idiot for long enough, he would wake up and at least give him some space. Or, best case scenario, evaporate completely.  
Now that he actually looked at him, he noticed that guy wasn’t wearing his dark suit anymore. A yellow-black shirt … jacket or whatever, and some dark blue pants. His hair was tied in a short pony tail, which actually made him look kind of like an individual person and not a copy of someone else. And although Repliku mostly just looked stern and angry, his expression was rather relaxed now. Almost peaceful … For some reason, that made Vanitas roll his eyes _(and immediately regret it, ugh)._

Carefully, Vanitas attempted to get one of his arms out of the blanket-roll and thrashed around in the bed, which made him nauseous. But he wasn’t going to just lay here, vulnerable on a silver plate next to Snor-iku.  
However, Vanitas’s vision became blurry once more and he felt the need to empty his stomach again. Which was weird because he had literally nothing inside him. He was darkness. His whole insides were probably like a black hole, anything he consumed aside from potions was just a waste of time and therefore there couldn’t be anything left to puke out … except from his own guts – or whatever he had instead. Master Xehanort never felt the need to educate him on biology for that matter. And until now, he never really thought about those things either …  
Wait, since when was he thinking of that old geezer as ‘ _Master’_ again? Whatever, he should just take a nap and sleep it off.

“You’re awake.” Replicu stated, muffling a yawn while the turquoise … cyan … whatever eyes stared into his non-existent soul. Vanitas usually never paid much attention to trivial details, but Dark Riku’s were yellow, so either that guy was un-norted or they really were two different people. All this time travelling shit was fucking stupid, but didn’t that mean they never met before? Huh, and Vanitas always figured that guy just didn’t like him because he knew him. That would be a valid reason after all. But well, he always had that first impression on people.

“I could say the same thing.” He retorted, feeling his throat vibrate with every vocal and he suppressed the urge to cough. He didn’t want to appear weaker in front of anybody than he already was. Which reminded him that he was in the middle of a breakout, so he went back to that.

Repliku huffed and straightened, his back making an awful crack. “Well, I couldn’t sleep the whole night because of your goddamn snoring!”

That still didn’t explain why this idiot was sitting next to him the whole night instead of, you know, leaving him alone. Fucking guardians of light, why were they always so clingy?

“I don’t fucking snore!” Vanitas snarled, sounding like a chainsmoker with a clip on his nose. Why was his nose so … stuffed? Eww, he felt so gross and terrible all over. “Why do you even bother, go away.”

“Someone had to keep an eye on you” Liku stated like it was only naturally. “You were in a pretty bad shape and I’m … the only one who could handle this” He motioned at the others chest.

“Huh?” Vanitas stopped his thrashing and frowned, trying to remember anything that happened. But aside from his weird dream he couldn’t really … no there was Ventus. And he held out his hand. And a furry black beast on his stomach. And it was raining. Yeah but that was about everything he recalled. “What happened to me?” He wondered out loud, realizing too late that he wasn’t alone.

“Roxas found you in an alley and when Axel, Hayner and I caught up to you two, he was carrying you. You … got sick.” Liku had actually no idea what was wrong with Vanitas. They were planning to call Ienzo and the others today to ask for advice. Although Axel was a dork sometimes, he was pretty smart, but neither him nor Saix had a real idea what was wrong with Vanitas either. Saix only mused that it was because of his lack of energy. He explained that Vanitas and his Unversed fed off on negative energy, such as emotions or power in general. And since Repliku was a copy of someone infected – and therefore also made of – darkness, he generously offered some of his own energy. It was like donating blood and that seemed to help, because Vanitas’s breathing became normal afterwards. “I gave you some of my own power, since we’re both connected to darkness. But you have neither a human- nor a Replica-body, so we don’t know exactly how to help you properly.”

“I never said I want your help, but go on.” Vanitas groaned, annoyed by how stupid everyone in this fucking mansion was. Always trying to help and shit. It was so unnerving. Yet, his pride didn’t help him to swallow the next coughing fit and he noticed a foul taste in his mouth. Ash and smoke. Yup, he was burning from the inside. He hadn’t felt like this since … he was born.

“Anyway, Saix thought it would be the best to wait for Ienzo and the others in Radiant Garden. Originally we didn’t want to call them so soon, but … maybe they can help. Perhaps you just need a Replica-body to be stable, like Roxas and Naminé.” Liku shrugged and Vanitas’s head snapped in his direction so fast, he was becoming dizzy even laying down. Fucking shit.

“Like hell I want a stupid humanoid dummy-body!” He hissed, pushing his torso upwards. The blankets finally rolled off his chest and he noticed for the first time that he wasn’t wearing his dark suit either. He looked … horrible indeed.  
From his neck downwards, black veins travelled along his body like cracks in glass, getting darker and thicker towards the arms. His hands were black and what actually did have skin color looked horribly burned and raw, like his dark suit had been stuck to his skin for a really long time and was forcefully torn off. His fingertips felt scarred, rough, burned … Yeah, this body he tried so hard to recover was just a burned and used host that was slowly falling apart. The only reason he had ever needed one of these stupid puppets was when … when …  
And it dawned on him. “It’s n-not the lack of energy.”

“What do you mean?” Liku also stared at him and Vanitas felt more exposed than ever. Not having his helmet was bad enough already but only wearing a black muscle-shirt and red shorts made this whole situation worse. For a moment, Vanitas forgot how to breathe and just stared at Liku like a deer in the headlights. The panic and adrenaline made the nausea only worse. And these bright cyan eyes stared holes in his body, sharp like daggers. Why couldn’t that idiot just leave him alone?!

Vanitas wasn’t home. His mind stopped working. In fact, he had forgotten what he meant to say at all, his train of thoughts cut off. He was … it was about …  
Vanitas averted his gaze, focused on the Unversed-emblem on his shirt. It was so ironic, he looked like one of his creations. Right that was it. Vanitas wanted to slap himself. Why would he want to tell something so important like that?! Such an important details wasn’t meant for enemies ears. Giving something so essential away meant they could easily take advantage and finish him off.  
This was bad. This was really bad. He was royally fucked.

“Hey, Vanitas.” Liku was so blurry and sounded so far away. It was hard enough to breathe already, but right now Vanitas felt like he was suffocating. As if he was about to die. The vision around his eyes went darker and darker. Was he even breathing at all? Why did he even need to? Why would he think of his biology in a situation like this instead of escape?! “Vanitas talk to me.”

“D-don’t t-touch m-me!” with shaking hands, he pushed the arm away that was about to reach out to him. Fuck, he was so pathetic. He hadn’t stuttered like this since … the first weeks after his birth. If he talked at all. Ugh, forget this. He was only thinking so much about these past memories because of that dream! Yeah … considering he usually didn’t dream at all, let alone in such a way, that was still worrying.  
As damaging as it was for his ego, Vanitas backed away until his far too exposed back hit the wall. He hissed, gritting his teeth by the sore pain he felt as his back collided with the cool wall, only a thin fabric between. His feet kicked after Liku, when he still wouldn’t leave him alone, attempting to crawl over.  
Oh, he was barefooted too. And they were in a surprisingly good shape. Apparently only everything above his abdomen was totally messed up. Yay. He was only half of a bastard on the outside. Just like his heart was less than a remaining half. How ironic and absolutely not aggravating. Though he couldn’t afford to think about symbolism.

“Okay, okay.” Liku held up his hands in surrender, sitting down on the chair again. Maybe he was the wrong person to deal with that. But everyone else was either busy or sleeping. And he kind of wanted to get Naminé, since she was better with handling emotional outbursts … she dealt with him on a daily basis after all. But she was already taking care of this strange tiny Unversed that followed them home. “I’ll give you space, calm down man.”

And true to his word, Repliku carefully shoved the chair a few inches back, sitting on it an observing in silence. But he was still fucking staring an NOT LEAVING.  
Vanitas was so angry and full of panic at the same time. Why couldn’t he just open a portal or unleash his fury in a bunch of Unversed? Why couldn’t je summon Void Gear and simply strike him down? Why was his body so fragile and weak when he was on the best way to become strong again? Wasn’t he in a semi-good shape at the graveyard, before these two, the Witch and Idiotica showed up? Was it all because of them? Because they took him to this place? To this world that kind of lacked all kinds of negative energy completely?

For some reason, Vanitas stared at his shaking hands. The black veins seemed to move, crawl and spread on his skin. He touched the fingertips with his thumbs, feeling the rough and burned flesh. Aside from his face, there really was barely anything resembling a human beneath his suit. He only managed to take form and shape with his connection to his brothers, but in reality … he was just a shapeshifting Unversed or whatever. Not just the source, but the big boss himself. It shouldn’t surprise him that much. Really. After all his death experiences, he fell apart so many times …Yet it really upset him. His personality couldn’t cope with such an ugly, crippled form. If only he had enough energy to restore his body instead of burning out from the inside … But he didn’t belong here. Not in this world. Not in this time.

Even a replica was just a temporary solution.

_“So you finally understand.”_ The mocking voice in his head laughed. Vanitas practically heard the shit eating grin.

Vanitas clutched his head between his hands, biting his lips in his anger to prevent himself from cursing out loud. He couldn’t talk to this voice in front of someone else. He wasn’t crazy. Not crazier than the fools in this mansion. Definitely not.

“I need to get out of here” He hissed, his fingers and toes curled with all the tension building up in his body. “It’s your fault. This place – **everything** sucks!”

He couldn’t see it, but Repliku sighed. “You’re just sick. It’ll get better when-“

“It won’t get better!” Vanitas yelled, feeling the itch in his throat that caused him to cough. His eyes became unfocused and watery, as if he wasn’t pathetic enough already. He just wanted to curl on a tight ball and scream or … do anything instead of what he was doing now.

Repliku wasn’t sure what he was supposed to do now. If he tried to comfort him, Vanitas would only leash out again and probably make it worse. He didn’t really understand why he cared so much. Perhaps it was Riku and his memories, since Vanitas looked and kind of sounded so much like Sora … or there was too much of a good guy in Liku than he liked to be. Not that he preferred Dark Riku, but being so kind just didn’t suit him. He drained so much of his own energy that he couldn’t afford to keep his own suit slash armor on anymore. That way he recovered faster. He thought the same applied to Vanitas, since it kind of melted away on its own, but he looked worse than yesterday when he left. Or well, he was constantly having his ups and downs. If only he would see that this was all due to his ego. If he wouldn’t be so stubborn and give Twilight Twon and them a chance … well, it took him also a lot of time to get used to this lifestyle. To find meaning in everything. All he could was sensing the negative aura that surrounded Vanitas and try to find a way to calm him down without making it worse. Something to distract him or …

His thoughts and Vanitas’s growling got interrupted by the sound of Repliku’s gummi phone. It was kind of embarrassing because suddenly everything was quiet and all that was hear was that ringtone, chosen by Naminé because he couldn’t decide for himself and now he had to live with a cheesy anime opening. Speaking of the devil, the name on his screen was Nanimé. He was so busy fiddling his gummy phone out of his pocket and wondering why she would call in the first place, that he almost didn’t notice how Vanitas froze and stared at the device with big eyes.

Liku quickly glanced up, seeing how Vanitas practically perked up and unknowingly bend a little towards him with curiosity written all over his face. Then Liku, trying to hide his smirk as professional as he could, he answered the call.

“Liku!” She called out for him, although that wasn’t really necessary. In her other arm was that weird tiny Unversed, jumping up and down. “Did something happen? Is Vanitas okay?”

“Calm down, Naminé. It’s …” He glanced up again, Vanitas’s curious and amazed face turned sour and almost pouting. “He’s, well, sick. But … uh, why do you ask?”

“Because the little guy here suddenly went on a riot.” She held the tiny black furrball with big, round eyes upwards. It looked like a round bouncy, furry like cat and was small enough to fit just in her hands with its body. But it was so soft, there was no doubt this thing could stretch itself or liquefy or something like that. “But now he’s rather, err … excited? No wait, he’s silent now.” Indeed, the creature now looked rather uninterested and mopey even.

The only explanation Liku could think of was that, since Unversed were linked to their creator, maybe that thing responded to Vanitas’s emotions. Which was kind of obvious, but he never actually studied their behavior … In his defense, since he first met Vanitas, he never dealt with Unversed before at all, so that was that. But what should he do with that information?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually worked on an own design for suit-less Vanitas, but couldn't decide for a version, so I made more than one: [Vanitas Design](https://sta.sh/0xy4ai8iq8r)  
> I'm also working on a design for Repliku (which honestly will just be the Dream Drop Distance outfit with the KH1 hairstyle and a little shorter than KH2 Riku) and, of course, I will draw a little doodle of my Unversed for the next chapter~ (and I haven't decided on a name for it yet either, so I'm open for ideas :D but we'll wait for the design next week for now)


	12. Help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here it is, the designs for my Unversed and Repliku! ^-^ I'm open for name suggestions or what you prefer~  
> [Repliku and ???](https://sta.sh/0ijosg9lahn)  
> 

Compared to the melody he heard the day before by those … street artists, as Saix called them, this one was so much different. Not to forget how weird this thing was in general. Idiotica talked with it and the Witch’s voice came out of it! It made him wonder if she was somehow in that thing or not. Like, how was it working?!  
Vanitas had spent so much time with weird old men and scientists, he should’ve picked up a thing or two, but no. He blamed his two brothers for the gaps of knowledge in his skull. Not that he actually cared about it. He didn’t need those things. And his curiosity was always something he considered a flaw.

As soon as Vanitas noticed how he crouched further towards the edge of the disgustingly soft bed, he leaned back again. His dizziness didn’t thank him for that but he was too busy figuring out what they were talking about. As soon as Naminé mentioned a ‘little guy’ he felt somehow addressed, but at the same time not. The feeling of being torn apart, at multiple places at the same time … it was always subtly present when he let his Unversed run lose, without any orders or goal. It was either just to vent or rather unknowingly.  
But that couldn’t be it, since he was too weak to even manifest a mere Flood now. There was no way he could’ve made something in his unconsciousness or before that. When he was that weak, it hurt. It burned like hell. It would explain his crippled state, but Vanitas figured by now that this was just how he looked under his suit. It had been a while since he was without it, after all. The last and only time was shortly after Ventus connected with Sora’s heart. That wasn’t even an hour after he had been born. Everything had been so overwhelming back then. Raw and fresh. Like a wimpy weak stupid baby.

Now that he thought about it, if the creepy young version of Master Xehanort hadn’t found and brought him to the future, he and Sora would be about the same age. Vanitas had no fucking idea how old Ventus actually was. All he had were little glimpses when they were still a unit and blurry feverish memories when he was with Terra and Aqua during the last four years.  
Ventus and him used to be literally inseparable. He was his shadow, his darkness, always there from the beginning and yet it felt like they couldn’t be more different. How ironic. They didn’t took Ventus away from him, he was just so much dissimilar. It didn’t matter if Vanitas was there or not, none of his twins ever noticed it. Not like him. He felt the strings of their connection, his only straw to existence, with every so called heartbeat and yet his being was not making a difference. Whether he was there or not … Which made Vanitas wonder why these idiots would want to help him in the first place.

Vanitas looked at his hands. The black and burn-scarred skin was surprisingly cold and he couldn’t stop shaking. Was it because of the sickness? No … he had been so pathetic once. A shaking, stuttering mess that didn’t even know how to properly read or talk and had to learn most of that for himself. Xehanort never bothered to assist him and usually just told him to focus on his connection to Ventus and access his knowledge and memories. Maybe that’s why he was skilled in using and feeling heart-connections. Aside from fighting and training, there was only one thing Xehanort taught him. The one thing were Vanitas actually thought having that geezer as his creator wasn’t so bad … But no, those had just been childish wishes when he hadn’t known any better.

A tiny screech – more like a whine – suddenly caught him drowning in his thoughts. It came from the weird device in Liku’s hands.  
“Oh, what’s wrong little guy?” The voice of Naminé followed shortly. Liku watched with raised eyebrows how the tiny fluffy-ball seemed to curl in on itself, the expression changing to what looked like it was crying. It hid his face in Naminé’s elbow and she had to lay the Gummy-Phone down so she could pet the distressed Unversed. “There, there, it’s okay.”

Vanitas felt the ghost feeling of something touching his head. A weird tingle in his neck as if something was staring at him and he quickly ran a hand through his hair. This was something he never felt before. A shiver rand down his spine and he had goosebumps all over. Meanwhile, the tiny Unversed squeaked surprised by the unfamiliar gesture and backed away, as if it only expected pain by a physical touch. The fluffy ball shivered and wanted to get even tinier.  
Naminé retreated her hand a little and held it a few inches in front of its face. When the Unversed opened its eyes again, it sniffed the hand curiously. The creature looked up to Naminé, questioning and suspicious of the odd behavior it had never experienced before. Usually everything just wanted to kill or ran away from its kind.  
And yet this girl only smiled down at it and so close to her chest, it could hear the calming heartbeat and the fidgeting became less. Still, the fight and flight instinct wasn’t wearing down. Deep in its core it felt uneasy, sad and afraid. It had no idea why or where it was. It had no orders or reason for existence. All it could feel was its upset master.

Vanitas heard noises in the background, or well, even quieter words than the Witch in the weird device. She wasn’t alone.  
“Aww, what’s wrong with him?” Xion came up behind Naminé and upon meeting his possible demise, the Unversed squealed and cowered in Naminé’s armpit, hiding away from the other intruder. It was so weak and small. It could do nothing to defend itself! It was no Scrapper, Bruiser not even a Hareraiser or Flood … it was all alone and new, Master hadn’t given it any abilities yet. It was incomplete, even for an Unversed!

“Come on now, I think that poor guy needs some space.” Axel suggested, pointing a spatula at the girls like it was a magic wand. He was wearing a black apron with ‘ _Hot and Spicy! But the food is good too_ ’ written on it “Maybe it’s just hungry?”  
“Your cooking would scare it away even more.” Saix commented, turning the page of his newspaper without even looking up.  
“Hey!” Offended, Axel turned around, hands on his hip. “I don’t see any of you do the household here. So if I get the dirty jobs, I don’t wanna hear any complaints unless you want to do it instead!”  
  


Liku heard the two oldest discussing in the background, but most of it was overshadowed by Xion’s and Naminé’s giggling “Oh, by the way, lunch is ready, Liku. We can bring you and Vanitas some over.”

“Nah, I think I’ll pass.” Repliku shrugged, briefly looking up from his phone to see if Vanitas was still alive. And, well, he looked perplexed and annoyed, so thus far his mission was going well.

“Okay, I’ll see you guys later and bring some self-made sandwiches!” Naminé suggested, to which Repliku nodded. With a not so subtle sigh, he heard Axel complain “Why do I even bother?”  
Okay, maybe Liku felt just slightly bad for laughing at that. He gave her a short wave and ended the call.

“What the hell was that?” Vanitas growled, fighting the foul taste in his mouth and pushed his gloomy thoughts aside.

“That was just Naminé. She’s worried about you.” Liku explained, putting the phone back in his pocket.

“I know that. I meant this … this thing!” He pointed at the phone safely tucked away in Likus pants. “What’s with this noise-maker?”

“Noise-maker?” Liku repeated, not able to conceal the amused smile. “That’s a phone. One of Ienzos latest inventions. It’s like a regular mobile phone, but you can reach someone, even if they’re in another world.”

Vanitas tilted his head, still having no idea what the hell this was supposed to mean. Repliku saw that as a cue to explain more but … he actually also had no idea how it worked.  
“It … uh … Can play music, games, you can call and text someone … Well, maybe Ienzo has a spare one for you if he comes by, then I’ll just show it to you” Yup, because there was no way he would give him his own. Who knows, maybe, in a sudden mood-swing, Vanitas would break it in half? They were really durable, but something told Liku nothing could withstand the anger of Vanitas if he grasped it in his hands – sick or not.

“I told you I don’t need anyone’s help! And why should they give me one? They don’t even know me.” At least not that Ienzo. He had met Ansem briefly, but usually he just either went on solo-missions to complete his heart _(meaning he was in Monstropolis)_ or he was at ~~his~~ ~~Masters~~ Xehanorts side. Damn, Vanitas really must be sick if his head was THAT messed up.

“Because that’s a nice thing to do, I guess. And that way you can always call someone in case you … well, need hel-“ Liku shrugged smirking but couldn’t even finish. He had to dodge the pillow that was thrown at him with remarkable accuracy.

Vanitas definitely moved too much. He was getting nauseous again. Everything sucked. Shit. As if that ghost feeling in his neck wasn’t distracting enough already, NO he had to endure this idiot too. He was in hell. There was no way this would make a single damn thing better for him. But … he had to admit, having one of these phone-things would be interesting. This noise – no, melody, that was … He … a deep urge in his chest cried out for more. Yeah, he wanted that. He could have all the good noise for himself wherever he was and could drown out the stupid ones with it. Maybe that would shut up even the annyoing echo in his mind.

Then again, what would it matter if he was going to expire anyway? His time was literally up. There was nothing anyone or anything could do about it. And why should they? Without any source of dark or negative energy, his body couldn’t hold itself together. It would break. Being drawn back to the timeline where he belonged – if his heart even survived that trip.

_“They took you away from me. But don’t worry, that’ll change soon enough, Vanitas.”_

“I don’t need their pity. Tell them to get lost.” Vanitas crossed his arms, failing to maintain a straight pose. It wasn’t easy to fight the gagging reflex and the nagging headache at the same time. Being sick was a pain in the ass.

“You should know by now that it’s no use, no matter how many times you say that. We’re just as stubborn.”

“I figured as much already.” Vanitas grumbled, rolling his eyes. Which proved to be enough and he almost fell off the bed when he bend over, the burning acid-like black matter dripping out of his mouth as he vomited.  
Caught off-guard, Liku jumped out of his chair, which fell over in the process as he struggled what he was going to do now.

“I guess that means no sandwich for you. Maybe I’ll text Naminé to bring you soup.” In the end, Liku walked over and held Vanitas’s body steady while handing him a tissue. Bless magic, because there was no way he was going to clean up that gross stuff by hand. Wait, speaking of it, that thing was corroding through the fucking carpet, what the hell? How was Vanitas even still alive?! Being made of darkness sure was weird … and Liku kind of was made of it too, so that meant something.

“S-shut up, idiot.” Vanitas hissed between more coughs. Liku started to doubt that he even bothered to memorize their actual names … or he was doing that on purpose. Right now, he couldn’t take him serious as a possible threat either, so Repliku simply decided to ignore the curses and protests and wrapped the blankets back around him and made sure he would stay in that bed, even if he had to sit right next to him.

“Come on, that attitude is getting boring.”

“I swear if I’m back to my full power, you’re gonna be my first kill.” Vanitas croaked, glaring at his torturer. It occurred to him that this might possibly never be the case, but he wasn’t going to die without putting up a … Ugh, whatever. It didn’t matter when he was alive and it wouldn’t if he died. Nothing mattered. So why was he still struggling?  
Finally, Vanitas gave up and succumbed to his fate, dying while trapped in a roll of blankets at the hands of Idiotica right there.

“Sure, of course you will.” Liku wanted to pat his head, mockingly and with a hint of pity, but decided against it. Yeah, he first had to take care of that poison on the floor. Oh wait, that wasn’t necessary, it just faded on its own, evaporating as black smoke. But the smell of sulfur filled the air and Liku had to open a window to let fresh air in. That sure was weird.

Liku knew this guy was going to be more trouble than anything else. But the weak Riku-part in him, he guessed, just couldn’t bring itself to loath Vanitas as much as he wanted. Maybe Naminé was right. He was much nicer than he claimed to be. After all, he wasn’t actually upset about that fact. He just hated the consequences that would come with it: people trying to peer-pressure him to do funny activities and spend time together. Yikes.

Meanwhile, after the disappointing excuse of what was unworthily called Risotto, the squad sat in the new common room. A set of new furniture such as a coffee table, two sofas and a couple of chairs that still looked ridiculously out of place in the big empty hall, were placed here not too long ago. It was so big, they could make two rooms out of it, but no one actually had a plan of what they were going to do with the mansion. And then there was the library …

“Well, he said, forging the X-Blade was his only way of salvation and to stop the pain. He spent four years with Xehanort in that graveyard.” Roxas re-told the story when he found Vanitas yesterday. He too was having a slight cold from the rain and therefore was forced to wear a thick blanket with which he barely fit in the chair in the living room. Or what was supposed to be one in the future. The broken table and chandeliers had been removed and Axel insisted on a fireplace. Well, the renovation would take a lot of time and magic.

“Yes, he attempted to forge the X-Blade before. All this because of his curiosity.” Saix, for once not hiding away from socializing with a task or book, leaned back on the new couch. Axel sat beside him, still wearing that stupid apron and half hanging/laying on the cushion. Did he even know how to properly sit on a sofa?

“I mean, I am a Keyblade-Master but I still don’t know what’s so special about it. Xemnas didn’t need the X-Blade to open Kingdom Hearts. And weren’t they the same person? Just doesn’t make sense to me.” Axel mused, his mind working overtime. No matter how hard he tried to figure out just what Xehanort’s plans and way of thinking had been, he couldn’t wrap his head around it. Usually he was good at figuring someone out and all that stuff, but motives and story of that old man was just plain crazy.

“You mean the X-Blade.” Saix looked at him as if Axel was talking nonsense.

“Yeah, that’s what I just said. Weren’t you listening? Some teachers pet you are.”

“No, you said _X_ -Blade” Saix mimicked Axel’s pronunciation.

“That’s literally the name, why is it wrong? How can you know the difference between X-Blade and a regular Keyblade if you pronounce both the same. Now THAT doesn’t make sense!” Axel gestured wildly, as if everyone else was just nuts and he the only one sane enough to notice that every time someone read or said the word X-Blade they said _Keyblade_ instead and it was frustrating him.

“I think we kinda went off topic.” Xion remarked. She and Naminé sat across on the other couch, trying to get the little Unversed to eat a piece of apple. It still sulked and turned away whenever something came into its view “Think we should go to them? Vanitas probably knows more than we do about Unversed.”  
“That’s probably for the best … when are Ienzo and Ansem coming?” She let the fluffy guy be for now. She hoped it and Vanitas wouldn’t get overwhelmed with all the people. It didn’t end well last time …

“Depends on if they take the Gummy-Ship or a portal. The latter is a little unlikely, so probably noon.” Saix looked at the watch on his phone.

“Man, I sure miss my shortcuts sometimes.” Axel and him seemed to have put their discussion aside for now. “Travelling between worlds was a lot easier back then.”

“You can’t use them anymore?” Roxas sniffed, his stuffed nose was really bothering him. He and Xion had no trouble opening dark corridors even if they weren’t exactly Nobodies anymore.

“I could but the party poopers keep saying it’s too dangerous without armor and being able to transform your **_Keyblade_** ” Axel purposely empathized the last word, looking Saix dead in the eye.

“Some kind of master you are.”

“Hey!”

“Well, we still have our cloaks, so I’m sure they’re gonna get here safely one way or another.” Also, there wasn’t an infinity amount of ships. But Xion was more concerned how their guest would react. In the end, it didn’t matter how they got here but how they could help him. And more importantly if he wanted their help …

“Aww, look, he’s sleeping.” Naminé cooed, the fur of the Unversed retreated, like a shield and a tiny solid figure slept in her arms. And it purred. “It’s so cute, I think I’m going to cry.” Although she was just joking, the other guys’ head perked up and she had to stifle her giggle because she was afraid of waking the Unversed up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love bickering Axel and Saix xD Especially fourth wall breaking, silly but genius Axel. I had a tiny crush on Axel when KH2 came out back then :'D  
> I'm not sure if the next chapter will be done on sunday. I'm trying to focus on my other fanfictions during my short vacation. And, well, I want to draw the Lost Trio too. Probably won't be finished for Halloween, but hopefully before Christmas~


	13. Pawn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now this chapter contains gaslighting, Xehanorts not existing parenting skills, weird old scientists in general and the Vanitas protection squad - Enjoy!

_Aside from reading, practicing his fighting, magic and telekinetic skills with the dead Keyblades, Vanitas never did anything else. With his new found fury and jealousy fueling his negative powers, he found training much less frustrating. Aside from sparring with Master Xehanort that was._

_Even if he would be strong and witty enough to defeat that old but surprisingly agile man, he couldn’t kill him. A part of him wanted to try it. Another was afraid of him. And a third was … just not able to do so. It couldn’t be mercy or empathy, he was neither taught nor able to express these things. He was darkness, for fucks sake.  
And yet, when his Master blew him several feet away, kicked him when he was already laying on the ground … all he would do was cast a curaga or throw a potion towards him, only to continue the torture._

_Once more, Vanitas wondered what kept him from doing so. Maybe it was because they were related in a twisted way. Not him and Xehanort, hell no. But their Keyblades. After all, it was the Gazing Eye that created him. Wouldn’t it be natural that he’d be unable to destroy his lifesource? And if so, should he take that Keyblade and become its master? Would that mean he had a free will? Or perhaps he was indeed too dependent on his mentor?  
Whatever it was, it urged him to fulfill his orders. He should consider himself lucky. He had a purpose. A single goal to strive for._

_And Vanitas soon took pride in his progress. A little sort of liking especially for his teleportation. Being able to appear in his near environment wherever he wanted made him sort of … ‘playful’ or ‘kittenish’ as Master called it (and Vanitas did it all the time when he was alone). Although Master would be displeased about it and wrinkle his nose. But there was barely anything that would satisfy him and so, even if Vanitas thought he was better than anyone else – especially Ventus – there would always be that taste of discontent. It would go away eventually, if he just finally had the chance to prove himself. But that wouldn’t happen until he convinced his Master._

_“You can barely read the Spellbook I gave you. Your magic lacks focus, your technique is flawed; wild and uncontrolled. If you’re unable to learn wit and strategy, you will never forge the X-Blade!” Xehanort lectured him, the dusty desert-wind howling. Around them, pendants of dead Keyblades made noises when metal and metal collided. It sounded almost calming. But this cursed place was still nothing compared to the beach in the Realm of Darkness. “You need to learn control and suppression, so you can channel the darkness inside you properly, Vanitas. Otherwise, it will control **you** instead.”  
The Master lifted his hand, working his mute magic to let two chairs and a table appear in the ground. It looked so off and unnatural in this graveyard. “To strike your enemies, one must use their weaknesses against them. Manipulation, observation … even the smallest expressions can give these away. And the power of words must not be underestimated. Provoke the negative feelings inside your opponent.”_

_Vanitas repressed the urge to roll his eyes and bit the inner sides of his cheeks. It was best to let the geezer hear himself talk. He was still only a couple of years old, but that didn’t mean he was that naïve. Of course he wouldn’t let his anger blind him. No, he was going to hurt Ventus in more than a physical way. He would make sure of that. But that was also a hint to wear his helmet. Because, no matter how many times Xehanort made him strike his Unversed down, he couldn’t suppress the tiny flinch, the held breath nor the gritted teeth. But that was okay. As long as nobody would take his mask away, no one could see his face and figure him out, while he was able to observe every bit of negativity and pain of his opponent._

_Suddenly, he was ordered to sit in one of the chairs. A book appeared before him on the table and a weird board with strange objects followed.  
“I assume the best way to show you true strategy is by using an … abstract approach.”_

_For some reason Vanitas had the feeling his Master was just tired of kicking his ass day after day and wanted to humiliate him with another method. Letters sucked, however. They formed stupid words that probably made sense but fooled his brain to think they could move and fade and it took an ~~embarrassing~~ annoying amount of time for him to look at a sentence and also process the meaning behind it._

_Eventually, Xehanort demonstrated him the rules of this training-method called ‘chess’ and the old man enjoyed himself very much. It was a different grin when he defeated him. There was a certain spark in his eyes, nostalgic and somewhat bittersweet. He had never been this calm and thoughtful before. It was so weird, Vanitas couldn’t even be mad about the fact that he still had no idea how this ‘game’ worked or that he didn’t even get close to winning once._

_In his three years on this graveyard, Vanitas had never seen his Master’s expression being anything else but stern and cold sadistic. It was still calculating, but as long as it pleased his Master, Vanitas could deal with this.  
Yet, some of the rules still didn’t make sense to him. “Why does white always begin?”_

_“Hmm … that’s a good question indeed. Perhaps because black is already always a step ahead.” Xehanort said, a rare fond smile on his features and the squeeze on his shoulder, that usually made Vanitas want to smash his head against a wall, wasn’t as tight and threatening as usual. The man had decided to take a break and drank his weird smelling potion named ‘tea’. Again, fuck words, he didn’t care what it was called. And although chess was rather relaxing compared to his usual training, he had no patience to read this stupid book full of rules._

_“And why is the king the most important figure? He’s just as useless as a pawn.” He held said statue in his gloved hand, turning the black king between his fingers._

_“That is true. A king may be the most important, but the queen, his right hand, is the strongest. Together, they both are an incredible force. Still, even a pawn can become a threat if skillfully used.”  
Vanitas looked at his black pawn that got killed by Master’s queen and frowned. Such a weak thing could never be useful.  
“With the right strategy, if a pawn makes it to the other side, it can become every other piece - except for the king of course. It can even be a queen, which makes all pieces important for the game.”_

_The old man often talked about how Vanitas was going to become his right hand. With the X-Blade, he would be a whole person, strong and powerful and carry out his command to bring true balance to the worlds and satisfy the thirst of knowledge about Kingdom Hearts. Whatever, all Vanitas cared for was seeing Ventus’s shocked face as he slowly faded away in their shared body like Vanitas had before. “Am I a pawn?” he wondered, looking at the figure in his hand._

_“For now. But if everything goes according to plan, that will change very soon.”_

_The moment he saw Ventus face to face for the first time after four years. The moment the X-Blade slipped out of his hand. The moment he faded and got torn apart, starting from scratch once again as this liar ass of a master brought him back – or rather forward in time … The moment he failed to join his heart with his brother once again. And ended up with several versions of his Master to continue play his part as a vessel, even more related to this cursed man than before …  
The moment he faced his two brothers for a last time in their war… _

_Vanitas had this feeling. It was called hope, he guessed. But it was fake. A false faith he tried to convince himself with that his promised salvation was very close. That if he wouldn’t be able to forge the X-Blade … everything would still end. The pain. His existence. Like it was meant to be. And he would be okay with returning as a mere shadow to the two people that defined him._

_Yet, every time this false hope crossed his mind, salvation seemed to be even further away than before. Almost at reach only to be out of sight in the blink of an eye.  
Life was truly miserable. To him, light meant nothing. It had nothing to offer. Nothing he wanted. And the thought of being complete and free of pain … just felt more and more ridiculous to him._

_Inside the realm void of light and darkness, he was trapped and forced alone with his mind. He had these weird thoughts. Like, was any of this for real? Or not?_

_He wanted to line the pieces up – back together._

_Theirs … and his own._

_He would give anything to be complete. To not feel broken and shattered._

_Did being a creature of darkness mean he’d always have to be like that? Why wasn’t even the salvation of death granted to him? What was his destiny?_

“It’s … lovely what you decided to make with this place.” Ansem shifted uncomfortable. Returning to the mansion and facing Naminé wasn’t really his favorite appointment of the day. Of course she was too good of a person to hold any grudge against him – or at least show it. But Despite all of them being reborn – despite the fact he helped to bring her and Repliku back to life … there was just nothing worth enough to atone for his sins. For the way he treated so many people … As an old scientist, all he could do was use his knowledge for good and hope to eventually be able to life with this burden somewhat peacefully in the future.

“Yeah, we’re still not sure what color or furniture we should use, but with a little magic the renovations should be a piece of cake.” Axel rambled, mostly to ease the tension between the fronts. Naminé and Xion were visibly anxious, petting the slumbering Unversed and avoiding eye contact, and both Roxas and Liku stood in front of them, glaring and ready to summon their Keyblades at any second. Meanwhile, Saix had his pokerface and kept a little distance. He had been on both sides, so he wasn’t really qualified to judge anyone. “Anyway, the grumpy patient is upstairs in the white room.”

Ienzo nodded and the group moved, Liku taking the lead. “So, what exactly are his symptoms?” Although Axel and Saix briefly explained to Ienzo yesterday what had happened and he did a little research beforehand, he wanted to be sure.

“He has fever, high temperature, coughing fits, a stuffed nose and vomited twice.” Repliku started counting. “Also, basically everything that comes out of his body is black ooze that smells like sulfur and burns trough carpets like acid … well, until it evaporates in thin air.”  
“Sulfuric acid?” Ienzo’s eyebrows lifted in curiosity and disbelief while Ansem hummed, stroking his beard pensively. “Interesting.”

They had no idea if Vanitas was still asleep and since he didn’t really seem to be doing well with crowds, only Repliku, Ansem, Ienzo and Naminé went inside. The others waited in the hallway by the door, in case they would be needed.

Indeed, the puddle on the floor next to the bed was gone, only black stains on the ground remaining. The white carped had several holes and the tissue on the floor next to it was covered in this black ooze.  
Prepared for such events, Ansem put on some gloves and carefully lifted the fabric off the ground. “Fascinating. This substance is, if a little tainted and unstable, darkness in its purest form … and he is completely made of it.” He observed Vanitas’s face with the black burned marks on it, that seemed to stretch from his eyes all the way down his throat. The same with his arms, from the fingertips to the shoulders, fading more and more the closer they got to his chest, where the heart would be.

The blankets were thrown off his upper body half and Vanitas breathed heavy, sweat running down his forehead and his eyes shut tight. Sometimes he would twitch or shake his head from one side to the other, as if he had a fever-dream … or fever-nightmare. “It would be intriguing to take fresh samples and investigate –“ He stopped his inner mad genius as soon as he noticed Ienzos stern glare when he cleared his throat. “My apologies … old habits.” Ansem sheepishly handed the tissue to Ienzo, who put it in a plastic bag

“So far we can see he’s neither human nor replica.” Ienzo mused, carefully lifting one of Vanitas’s arms to look for a pulse. It would be much easier if they could do this in the castle’s lab, but the items in the library would do it too, if needed. “However, for a being made of darkness, his body seems rather fragile, like the shell can’t bear the containments anymore. It’s … incomplete.”

“Well, the reports did say he only has half a heart” Ansem said. “If not less, after he was defeated and torn by the time paradox caused with the Gazing Eye. He could be on the verge of becoming a heartless even … If he had one to lose.”

“That’s nonsense! Ventus also has only an incomplete heart and he’s fine!” Liku interrupted them, angrily clenching his fists. He had no idea himself why the urge to defend this idiot was so strong or why it made him this mad in the first place.

“I’m afraid Ansem is right. Ventus had Sora to recover his heart but Vanitas, although he’s connected to them, was isolated, so to say.” Ienzo cringed, feeling the boiling forehead as he continued his examination. “Lea, can you perhaps unlock the seal on the library? We may need to run some tests to be sure.”

Axel, who was still leaning by the doorway, visibly stiffened and rubbed his neck. “Uh, yeah sorry but no can do. There’s still the … virtual Twilight Town and dark portal issue we haven’t dealt with. If we open the seal, there’s a chance that heartless and nobodies could come to this world again.” They had been so busy searching for Sora that they hadn’t had the chance to close the portal. It seemed shutting down the computer didn’t work and Roxas had been reluctant about destroying it, so sealing the room like a keyhole was the best option so far. It was weird, living in a mansion with such a dangerous dungeon, but at least they could make sure the gate stayed close and this world free from darkness that way. Eventually, if they ever wanted to make this place livable, they had to find a solution … but housing a frenemy kind of threw off the schedule for now.

“We have to bring our instruments from the castle then. I’m afraid he can’t travel through worlds in this state.” Ansem offered, turning to Axel again. “Could you inform Ventus then? Perhaps he would be able to help. We will contact Yen-Sid and the King, if necessary.”

“Isn’t it a little too early for this? We don’t know how they’ll react to the news.” Axel hadn’t imagined the reveal would be this sudden and bold. He knew the trio in the Land of Departure had quite the history with Vanitas. He looked at Saix and the others for support, but his childhood friend shook his head.

“We don’t have the time to prepare them. He has gotten weaker ever since Naminé and Repliku brought him here.” Saix thought it was weird how the fate of a single former enemy was worth all the drama they had the last couple of days. Maybe it was because he looked like Sora … or maybe because all of them present knew what it was to be like him. Under these circumstances … yeah, even if he was a stranger, it was simply the right thing to do. And even if Vanitas wouldn’t be grateful or there was still the potential of betrayal, they shouldn’t simply let him suffer and die without doing anything. That’d be **heartless**.

“Then what are we waiting for?” Liku’s gaze lingered a second longer on Vanitas’s body, the heavy and uneven lifting of his chest and his raspy breath, until he faced his roommates with a determined glare. “Let’s save this ungrateful dumbass.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Re:imagined Lost Trio](https://www.deviantart.com/sarana-kaname/art/Re-imagined-Lost-Trio-Kingdom-Hearts-FanArt-859617121)  
> and without background: [Final Design](https://sta.sh/01opoxks37ok)
> 
> It's finally done!  
> As announced, this month will probably not have the usual update scedule, if I manage to finish a chapter I'll just beta-read and upload it whenever it's ready. I want to focus on my other fics :3 but to shorten the time, I made the final design of my Lost Trio interpretation! See ya ^-^


	14. Vain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fever-nightmares are far from over and while Vanitas struggles in the Dive to his Heart, he encounters a strange creature.

_“Vanitas, can’t you see? Your time is up.”_

_The masked boy was pinned on the ground. A strong pressure on his chest prevented him from standing up … or moving in general. He couldn’t speak, for he was in a place where his voice couldn’t reach. Only raspy breaths, fast and uneven, echoed in the void. He knew this place. This was where he had battled Ventus back then, to forge the X-Blade. And yet, it wasn’t. Because it had been the Dive to Ventus’s heart that time. Now he was on a tiny, broken pillar that was barely big enough for his form on the ground. It was a really small and broken piece. Chipped and crumbling at the edges and the ground he was laying on was full of deep scratches and worn out like a battleground. Whatever mosaic had been on it was long faded and of no importance anymore._

_“It’s such a shame, really. You should’ve stayed with me.”_

_Vanitas had no idea what was in the darkness. It scared him. For someone who hated everything aside from darkness, he was unusually afraid of his own. The pressure was too much, he wasn’t just drowning, he was crushed by the force that kept him pinned to the ground. His body incomplete and crippled. Sure, his mask was back, but he felt like not a single bone in him was left. He was unstable and fragile, as if he would evaporate in the blink of an eye, fading into nothingness, forgotten in the infinite abyss inside that black hole of his that was supposed to be called heart._

_Maniacal laughter in the distance. It took so much effort to simply turn his head towards it. But he could see a blurry white spot. It came closer. Weird. The pillar was so small … was it walking on nothing?_

_“I think you spent too much time with those weak human-pretenders. Just look at you. Father would be disappointed.”_

_He wanted to curse and yell at him. How dare he call that bastard such a forsaken term?! He may have been his creator, but never more than his master. And that phase was over. But no matter how hard he tried to talk, nothing reached past his glare and loud thoughts. His mouth wouldn’t move and produce coherent sounds. And the helmet, concealing his anger even more, wasn’t helping. For once in his life he preferred to cast it away, but it seemed he was neither the master of this dream nor of his own body. In a realm inside his very own existence … he was out of control. The amount of distress and panic was gladly hidden by the mask – that intruder still seemingly noticed it and laughed only louder._

_At least he could finally see that bastard with the same mocking voice he had to endure for days on end now. It was … himself? A masked boy, with just the same suit and Keyblade, just in a monochrome design. All color was drained from him, but his posture straight and tense, like he was used to this state of agony. Because that’s how it had been for Vanitas when he came back, drained and powerless. However, he had a feeling that guy didn’t suffer the way he did.  
On the front of his helmet was the Unversed emblem … so was it an Unversed? That was impossible, none of them had ever been sentient enough to have their own mind, let alone to adapt or even talk and think for themselves. They followed his every order, because they were a part him and he was their creator. A small compensation to his fucked up connection with that old man. Anything he felt or wanted would be something they craved too. And he felt no such connection towards him, nor could he feel his emotions or hear his thoughts._

_As Vanitas stared at his opponent, his gaze roamed downwards. The Unversed wasn’t walking in the air, but on thin particles, dust, crumbs and shards … they looked like the same material his pillar was made of. Just who was this fuckface?_

_“Isn’t it obvious? I’m all that’s left … or maybe, all that ever was. You could say I’m the Void to your Gear.” Although the face was hidden, Vanitas could hear the crooked smile. The huffed laugh only added fuel to his anger. Why was he so weak?_

_“Oh, we could change that. Let’s become one.” The masked boy made a big step, arriving on the pillar that was once part of Ventus. He squatted down next to Vanitas. The way he walked and moved looked off. Like a maniac. Or an exited and joyful child, buzzing with ecstasy. It was such irony, not too long ago he wanted to do the same to his brothers. And now he was mocked by his impostor. If that guy was an Unversed, why couldn’t Vanitas control him?! Or absorb him to become stronger, like it always was?_

_“That’s not how it works, you know. **You** ARE the Unversed, Vanitas.” The monochrome version waved his hands towards him, in a similar way he did at the graveyard towards Ventus and Sora. “We are one and the same. Darkness. And therefore I am you. As much as any other Unversed. And together we make a better whole.”_

_The Unversed laughed, his head bobbing slightly. The mask faded into black smoke, revealing white hair, tanned skin, pointy ears, bright yellow eyes and a devious smile with sharp fangs. His mirror hallucination! “Although … you could say I am a very special kind, since it was never your intention to create me.” One of his white gloved hands gently rested on Vanitas’s chest. However, that gentle touch felt like the tip of a sword poked through his rips, directly to his very soul. Even without a voice, his vocal chords burned with a silent scream and he felt the ground crumble and screech under him, as if the pillar was shaking and about to fall apart._

_“Well, Remnant is such a hard name … but I like Vain. It’s like a short nickname of yours. Kinda fitting, don’t’cha think?” Vain giggled, putting more pressure on his hand and Vanitas clenched his teeth as the agony increased. He hadn’t felt that much pain since he was born … or died. “Oh, you think that’s hard? Your silly ache … living permanently with your incompletion and getting used to it eventually. That sting when an unversed is killed. It’s ridiculous and still nothing compared to what you’ve experienced the last week.” The pressure increased once more. A tiny grunt even escaped Vanitas’s lungs “Try enduring that for over ten years, dear **Me**.” _

_Suddenly Vain’s hand changed to a black ink-like form. The glove turned into the hand of a Scrapper. And just like that, without hesitation, Vain dug his claws into the suit, as if he wanted to pull Vanitas’s heart out by force. Or what was left of it. IF there was anything, that was._

_With a yell of unknown strength that was still deep inside him – or pure instinct – Vanitas cried out, his hands clawing into the ground beneath him. So much negative emotions and darkness boiled beneath his skin and he was unable to control it. It poured out, just like that. And the dark fog spread from his body in all directions. His helmet melted away, revealing black hair that didn’t even have a real form anymore, like fog. His face was covered with dark veins, spreading from his eyesockets down his throat, his eyes were only red glowing orbs. The fangs in his mouth parted, making way for an inhuman growl. Right, he wasn’t human … yet he always assumed he was still above his own creations. More than his feelings. But in the end, he was their source. So it would only be natural, that his true form, his darkness that he usually controlled and buried deep inside his body … was the same energy. An Unversed._

_“Trust me, I’m more the original than you are. And I’ve been waiting for this for a long, long time now” Vain laughed, black saliva dripping from his lips as he grinned and dug deeper, searching for whatever it was that he was digging for. “It would be easier and less painful if you just give up. Suppression and control? You don’t need that. You don’t even know what you’re still fighting for, Vani.”_

_Vain apparently found something and clenched it between his sharp fingers. Turns out, trying to pull it out was even worse than digging in. His body couldn’t even maintain its form anymore. His face, his being that he got from his brother Sora, melted away with every breath. If this kept going, he would end up as this faceless mass of darkness that he was before Ventus connected with his face-twin. “You have nothing. YOU’RE NOTHING! You failed every time. You’re weak and pathetic.” Vain ranted “But I can make it right. I can fulfil our purpose. Just … let me win. And perish!” The bestial grin and wide eyes were haunting. Vain wasn’t human and he didn’t even look like it. Pure madness and malicious intend were written all over his expression. Vanitas wasn’t afraid of his own face … but he didn’t feel comfortable at all. For obvious reasons. And he wanted to punch this version more than anything else right now._

_But he had a point. Vanitas was just too distracted by pain and desperation to think clearly. All he wanted was for this torture to end, one way or another. But his self-preservation instinct kicked in and wouldn’t let him stop thrashing and howling. With a quick yank, he grabbed Vain’s arm before he could pull out his fist. His own hands didn’t look normal either. But that was to be expected. Without the parts of his brothers that defined him, there was nothing to keep his appearance stable._

_“That’s right, show me anger. Suffer, Vanitas!” Vain wasn’t faced by that, his giggle soon turning to a mad laughing fit as he towered over Vanitas, aggressively pulling and punching his fist inside the black goop that used to be a solid chest. “And then perish. You can’t keep this up forever, Vanitas. Time to get a taste of your own medicine!”_

“He’s sweating profusely and panting. But his pulse is getting weaker.” Saix observed, dunking the washcloth in cold water before putting it on Vanitas’s forehead again. Axel had gone delivering the great and joyful news to the trio in Scala Ed Caelum while Naminé wanted to call Riku, only to find out he was gone. Things were a little hasty, so they figured it was best to just leave a message. Well, maybe Ienzo and the others could reach Yen Sid or that fairy granny, as Axel referred to her sometimes. Maybe they should ask Merlin for advice too?

“I can’t believe we’re so headless without Axel.” Roxas shook his head. Unfortunately, the only social butterfly with the connections had left the mansion and the teens, Xion, him, Liku and Naminé, could only roam in the white room like hungry wolves _(which drove Saix insane, but he kept his grim face and focused on treating Vanitas instead)._ “Ugh, there’s gotta be something we can do!”

“I can’t reach Kairi either.” Naminé stared at her phone. Despite all their determination, if everyone was just hopping from place to place, how could they reach them? And if things were so busy, who knew if they would have time to help …

“Let’s just hope Axel can bring Ventus here.” For someone who shouldn’t use dark corridors anymore, Axel definitely did the opposite of that. But that was just typical, Xion wouldn’t have expect anything less. “We could ask Ienzo to bring Merlin and Fairy God-Mother along. They can help for sure.”

“Or we follow them, yeah! Maybe we can help carry some of their … science stuff?” Roxas and Xion both smiled at each other, ready to open a portal themselves, until Liku interrupted their plans.

“All of you are connected to Sora.” He startled them, gesturing to the duo and the quietly flinching Naminé. “And so is he. Can’t you use that connection too and … I don’t know, reach him?” He had no idea how this was supposed to work, but it was the only option they had left. It kind of pissed him off, since he couldn’t do his own part and was left with waiting.

Maybe he should focus more of his darkness and give it to Vanitas? He was down to being suitless, so that meant he was running low on energy himself … but Vanitas was in a state far worse than him. He was pale, unnatural dark circles under his eyes and something told him his body wouldn’t make it if nothing was done about it …  
“And maybe we should ask them to bring a Replica, just in case” He mused, before he remembered the stock was used up. The last one had been his own and it was only one specific. They hadn’t made more, did they? The time to create another would probably be too long. “Dammit”

Why was he so mad about it anyway? For what it’s worth, he didn’t owe Vanitas anything. That guy probably would still refuse their help if he was conscious. And maybe … he would rather want them to put him out of his misery.

Repliku shook his head. He couldn’t accept the image, even if he questioned why. All he saw was a young sad boy, similar to Sora and yet so much different. Just as it was with him and the real Riku. Maybe he saw himself in him. Or maybe it was still the fake memories of a so called best friend lingering in the back of his mind. His nature couldn’t stand seeing that face in pain. The same was with Naminé and heck, even with Xion sometimes. He just felt the need to protect them. To help them. To make sure they were okay. But … he couldn’t. He wasn’t strong or qualified enough. Aside from sharing the same source of energy, there was nothing that connected them. He was a full-blooded Replica. Everything, even his heart, was made from scratch. From someone else. This existential pain … it was different. And it hurt. To know that even in a mansion full of special and human people, he still stood out the most. And to think he could’ve ended up like Vanitas under different circumstances …

“Liku” As if Naminé could feel that he was having such negative thoughts of himself, she gently put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sure it’ll be alright. He’s even more stubborn than you, nothing brings him down so easily. And your idea is good, we should at least try it.”  
She probably was convincing herself more than him, but it still helped. Repliku nodded, a tiny smile of acknowledgment. He couldn’t help but look at Vanitas again. Compared to that overconfident, mocking and almost even playful opponent that he faced in the graveyard, this now was … only a shadow left. This wasn’t a normal cold or fever from the start, but now something felt really, really wrong. He could sense it.

The urge to do something, anything, was strong and he silently hoped Axel would return fast, while the three brainstormed how they should connect with Vanitas without having the power of waking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, I could finally officially introduce my semi-OC, semi-canon Vain! xD (and yes, he's the charakter tag for Vanitas Remnant. If only I could come up with a cool name for Repliku and the cat-Unversed as well .__.) And I'm sure you can already guess his origin~  
> I especially like him because he's practically a walking easter egg. He has the most in-game quotes and Vanitas's catchphrases, parallels etc. than I ever mentioned in a chapter so far.  
> And yes, we finally get a glimpse of Rage-Form Vanitas and his quirks/powers :3  
> I'm so mad I couldn't finish anything in time for Friday the 13th (but hey, I managed to include a few hints about melody of memory, yay) because I was so busy and then I got sick ... ugh. 
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoyed it. See ya! :D


	15. Heart

“He’s WHAT?!” Aqua couldn’t believe her ears. They had returned merely a few weeks ago from another search in the realm of darkness, Kairi had arrived yesterday for her training and now, when they were about to start their first session, Lea just came out of nowhere. And to even top the latest events, he told them their enemy was not only still alive but also at the old mansion. And he apparently needed Ven’s help.

“Yeah, I know it’s not a good ice breaker to start a conversation, but we figured you might be able to help Vanitas … in a way.” Axel shrugged, takin in their _(honestly very priceless)_ expressions. Ventus was in shock, Terra had denial written over his face and Aqua’s death glare wasn’t even regarding him, yet he felt the need to dodge eventual flames shooting out her eyes. And coming from someone mostly fireproof and immune to heat, that meant a lot.   
Meanwhile Kairi was awfully quiet and maybe a little uncomfortable. She had heard of him a few times and only seen him in the graveyard once, but she couldn’t really recall if she ever saw Vanitas’s face or if it was just her dream. A black haired, cocky and yellow-eyed Sora just didn’t sit right, even when she just tried to imagine it. Venuts mentioned his ‘ _other half_ ’ once and Aqua’s opinion of the masked boy wasn’t really friendly. For a guardian of light, that seemed a little unprofessional, but Kairi didn’t blame her after all the trauma she endured the last decade.

“Why would we help him, after all he and Xehanort have done?” Master Aqua shook her head, not daring to even imagine that unlikely option. “And why is he with you in the first place? You didn’t even think about informing us until something like that happened.” Not to forget how was he even still alive and why no one had done anything about it. But even for her that was bit extreme to think. No matter how much suffer and pain he had caused her and her friends, she couldn’t bring herself to go on a killing spree out of revenge. At least not since she found her way to the light again. And reunited with her dearest friends, all her hatred and desperation had mostly subsided … until five minutes ago. It all came back up, washing over her like a tsunami. What a terrible master and teacher she was …

“I think that’s up to Ventus to decide.” Terra said, gently squeezing her shoulder for comfort. “If they gave him a second chance, we shouldn’t judge him just yet. He was also a victim of Xehanort’s plans after all. Like all of us.”  
Although Terra’s memories were a little hazy, everything Terranort had done felt like a dream, almost fading in his memory and hard to recall, whenever he tried to focus on it … but they were still present and haunting him in his sleep.   
Yet, Terra just couldn’t hate Vanitas. Really, who was he to judge? He also had succumbed to darkness, was used and manipulated. And if Xion, Isa and him could do it, why not Vanitas? But in the end, it wasn’t their decision.

“Ventus?” Kairi carefully studied the usually cheerful boy and how quiet and thoughtful he was now.

After a moment of tense silence, he closed his eyes. “I’ll do it.” Then he opened them again, determined and maybe a little hopeful. “I’ve wanted to talk to him again anyway … And I’m kinda glad I actually get the chance to.”  
Honestly, Ventus had a bad feeling lingering in the back of his mind. An uneasiness that would keep him awake the past nights and the urge to do something. Anything. But never knowing what or why had unnerved him. It was easy to ignore when he was with his friends. But alone in his dark room … he had assumed it was because of his insomnia.

After sleeping for a decade, he had spent his first months post coma trying to avoid sleep for as long as his body could, or he would just lay awake at night, fearing that if he closed his eyes too long he wouldn’t be able to open them again. And nightmares … It had taken a long time and a lot of reassurances from his friends, until he didn’t feel as anxious anymore. And now, half a year later, he was almost back to his old self.   
But the last two weeks … had been wild. And after making so much progress, he didn’t want to bother the others, although he was a terrible liar and they guessed something was wrong with him. At least they gave him space to eventually come and talk to them on his own this time. Which he probably didn’t need to anymore, if that really was because of Vanitas.

At the same time, it was strange. Ventus never felt a connection to his other half before. Not ten years ago and not during the war. Maybe because of Sora … and with him now in a fictional world their connection was probably weakened, making room for the gap Vanitas’s loss left? What else could have changed since then? Thinking about it just made everything even more complicated.

“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. What if it’s a trap?” Chirithy, who was hiding until now behind a pillar, looked up at Ventus. They were probably more anxious than everyone else here.

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. I’m not alone after all.” Ventus patted the dream eater and looked at Kairi. “Can you two handle things without us?”

“Of course. I’m sure _Master_ Chirithy can also teach me a thing or two.” Kairi giggled and winked at Chrithy, which made them blush and quickly hug Ventus goodbye.

“Well, I guess if that’s what you want … I’d be a terrible Master if I didn’t try, at least” Aqua sighed deeply, earning a laugh from Terra and Ventus. And Axel … Yeah, he thought this was cute and all, but he still couldn’t channel enough manners to refrain from crossing his arms and impatiently tapping his foot. That wholesome scene just reminded him of his mansion kids. Man, he really got attached to that new lifestyle as mansion-mom. And he had been gone for like what? Ten minutes?  
He was about to make an announcement or clear his throat, but a text message interrupted him. It was Ienzo, who said they had unexpected company from Merlin and that they needed a few more minutes. Okay, that was weird. But that old man always knew how to make an entrance … and predicting things. Well, the more help they got, the better.

“Alright, shall we?” He opened a dark corridor. He was decent enough to let them have their wholesome moment, but this was an emergency. Still, perhaps he should apologize once things settled down again …

_“Go … away.” Vanitas hissed through his raspy breaths. Not just his body, his voice too didn’t sound very human anymore. Vain was stronger than expected, but he managed to held the arm in place, even if it hurt to have a fucking limp stuck inside his chest, pounding his ribcage to mud._

_“Oh Vani, unlike you, I **am** where I’m supposed to be.” Vain laughed, plunging his foot down on his stomach and pulled his hand with all his might free. All Vanitas felt was a sharp pain followed with numbness. Whatever it was that his doppelganger had stolen, it made everything worse. _

_Vanitas wanted to get it back. Desperately, he tried reaching for the faint glowing orb in Vain’s hand, lifting his upper body just with one elbow … but he couldn’t stand up. It was useless. He was useless. It slipped away from his grasp like the X-Blade._

_“Finally, back where it belongs.” Vain smiled at his little treasure, the tiny heart-fragment, only the size of a marble. Its glow was fading, blinking weaker with each heartbeat. “You don’t deserve neither a body, nor a heart.”_

_With as much power as he had left, Vanitas got up on his knees, the tight pressure on his chest becoming numb but making his body so heavy. And the black fog and goo poured out of the hole in his chest that slowly looked like the torso of a twilight thorn. And his face burned as if it was melting of. He didn’t even have the strength left to scream in pain.  
“No! G-give … give it back.” With shaking hands, he reached for it. But just like the X-Blade, it was out of reach. Vain taunted him by holding the orb up, his wicked smile and the tilted head showed amusement and bliss._

_“You think it belongs to you? You can’t even keep your shell from decaying.” And just like that, Vain opened his mouth, never breaking eye contact with Vanitas, and let the fragment fall on his tongue. He playfully twisted it a little in his mouth until it was swallowed.  
Another rush of pain, as if his life force was sucked out with a metaphorical punch in his gut, caused Vanitas to tumble and fall over. More of that black stuff left his body through every opening he had. The hole in his torso, his mouth, his eyes, even his nose._

_“After all this time.” Feeling the results already, Vain inspected his hand, clenching and unclenching them as the color on his monochrome suit returned, while it faded on Vanitas’s. No, it wasn’t just the color that drained, it was his whole form. His limbs, his hair, his face, everything turned pitch black and lost their solid shape. “Hah, just look at you. You’re a disgrace, even Floods look less pathetic than you”_

_But as soon as the tips of Vain’s hair started to gain black strands and Vanitas’s white ones, the world around them crumbled and shook like an earthquake. And as sudden as the power boost had filled Vain, it was forced out of him. He bended over, clenching his arms around himself, coughing. “Wh-y … I don’t have complete c-control?!” For the first time, the impostor sounded more desperate than him._

_The pillar they stood on got more and more cracks, crumbling and falling apart. Vanitas couldn’t really do anything against it, he was just falling down. Deep down. Sinking further into the abyss, while the pieces of his faded mosaic also broke apart. And where was Vain now?_

_“This can’t be it. No. I refuse to accept this … After all this time, I got so close!” This was Vanitas’s voice, but it didn’t come from him. It echoed around in the void.  
Without orientation, Vanitas sucked his last breath in and closed his eyes, drifting further down. It reminded him of the time in the tub, underwater, drowning, losing himself. With the difference that he wasn’t haunted by his memories and hallucinations. _

_Wasn’t that what he had wanted from the beginning? Deep down in his core, existence was just a bother to him. Nothing but pain, envy and suffer. So what was holding him back?_

_Behind his closed eyes, a fading light got his attention. It felt warm and embracing. The urge to lean towards overcame vanitas before he even knew it.  
Opening his eyelids was harder than expected, but eventually he saw the tiny orb floating in front of his face. With shaking hands, claws, or whatever was left of them, he grasped it. It pounded, as if it was alive. Was that his heart? No, it was the broken piece that once belonged to Ventus. But then again … why would it want to return to him, and not back to its original belonging? _

_Was all of this … just another dream? That was the only possibility Vanitas could think of. Having dreams was weird. He didn’t have those before. Thus far they only contained memories and flashbacks, so what did this ‘Vain’ Unversed had to do with all of this? And what would happen to him now?  
_

“Alright, this is the first time I try something like this, I hope it works.” Naminé was done with her rough sketch of Vanitas. Usually she used that type of magic to access, alter or simply look into someone’s memories, not infiltrate the mind itself. “But shouldn’t we wait for the others?”

“I don’t know, depends how long they-“ Xion wasn’t even able to finish her sentence when she heard the heavy door in the main hall opening. And the way Axel tended to swing them and make an entrance wasn’t very subtle. “Never mind.”

Roxas and Xion went outside to greet them and … probably mentally prepare the three newcomers. Liku had a bad feeling about this. If they really managed to help Vanitas he wouldn’t be very happy about meeting the person he despised the most (which was weird, since he still referred to him as brother).   
Shaking his head, he decided to concentrate on the mission at hand, he could worry about the consequences later. “How is he?”

Saix shrugged, but even his collected persona had a deep frown. Seeing the sick boy thrashing and panting was worrying enough, but the fact that he became so silent and limp all of a sudden was even worse. “Hopefully those scientists can help him … it’s not looking good.”

“Well, good thing I do, that’ll make up for it.” Axel casually walked in, followed by Xion and Roxas. Terra, Aqua and Ventus came in after a few seconds too, but they visibly tensed seeing Vanitas, especially the latter.

Ventus didn’t know how to feel about this image. Vanitas without his suit in a shirt in shorts, his body so horribly disfigured and these dark circles and veins on his expression. Never had he seen his evil twin so exposed and vulnerable. For someone who had done so many bad things to him and always claimed to be the superior half … this was just sad.   
After the war, it never felt like their conversation had reached a conclusion. He was darkness. Simply saying that while grinning and being okay with everything … no, Ventus could never fully accept it. A part of him just left it at that, as if they could pick the topic back up when the timing was right … as if they could just sit down and start over. But no, Vanitas disappeared and that never felt right to him.

He shouldn’t feel sorry for his life. He didn’t know, Ventus told himself. How was he supposed to help Vanitas if he couldn’t remember him? Why should he have an excuse for having great friends and a peaceful home? Why should he feel bad for feeling happy? Yet there was still this spark of doubt. And the source of that was laying only a few meters ahead.

“You know, I think it’s getting a little too packed in here. We should give them some room … literally.” Axel looked at Liku and Saix. “Merlin and the Nerds are on their way too.”

Liku didn’t really seem happy about it, but he had no reason to be here other than being moral support. And Naminé was just about to try her magic and since he wasn’t related to Sora, Ventus, Vanitas or whatsoever, he couldn’t argue with that. Well, they would wait right outside anyway, so they didn’t miss that much.

“Isn’t all that fuss a little … extreme? I mean, why are all of you doing this?” There wasn’t even that much malice in Aqua’s voice, just curiosity. Their enemy couldn’t have left that much of an impact or something. Was he the key to find Sora? Well, Kairi said they had a trace, but there was always another way. Just what was the point? Surely they had a motive. Maybe Vanitas indeed had changed. For Ventus’s and Terra’s sake, she at least wanted to believe that this could be a – very small – possibility.

“No, not really. It’s just the right thing to do.” Roxas shrugged, crossing his arms behind his head. “We don’t share the same history with him like you do, but we’ve all kinda been in the same position once and neither of us should judge him for the past.”

“Even if he can’t accept it and we don’t know if he keeps the truce for sure … we can’t just leave him like that. We’re better than the Organization.” Xion agreed, while Naminé nodded with a shy smile. Aqua seemed touched by their little speech and relaxed a little. Until now her hand been tense like she would summon her Keyblade as soon as Vanitas twitched.

With all the drama going on, Naminé wondered where that tiny Unversed went off to or if it was still sleeping on the sofa downstairs. Tossing that distracting thought aside, she also contributed her idea. “We wanted to try and call for his heart … with my powers, I could maybe access his mind. But I’m not sure if we should wait for the others and their opinion.”

“I’m not sure what it is, but I think he’s … fading?” Ventus, being awfully quiet and anxious, now so close to Vanitas, carefully reached his hand out to touch one of the burned and ink-black arms. The skin was rough and very warm. But unlike he had expected, there was nothing else. No sudden stroke, no reaction, just nothing – which disappointed him a little. Was it the same for Vanitas or was he just not as sensitive to it? Aside from that ghostly connection Ventus felt in his own damaged heart, there was no sign that they used to be one and the same. Perhaps because what Vanitas had said was true. He had always been his own person that Xehanort just happened to set free. But then again, why was Vanitas fused with his heart in the first place? Was he born with two hearts? Was Vanitas his shadow that gained sentience? Had he been two personas stuffed into one body? He had no idea. But to be fair, he couldn’t remember a lot of things about his past.

“What do you mean with that?” Terra looked over his friend’s shoulder, but couldn’t see what he meant.

“I don’t know he’s just …” This time, Ventus put his hand on Vanitas’s chest, not sure if he should be relieved or alerted when he felt a subtle rise under his palm “slipping away somehow. It feels so unreal.”

“Good thing we’re here then.” A voice out of nowhere echoed in the room and a sudden smoke-bomb like magic-cloud revealed an old man in a nightgown and the two scientists from earlier – looking rather dizzy from that way of travel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings! It's been a while, but hey, we almost survived 2020 ... and although I wanted to spend November with my other fanfictions, I couldn't find the motivation to write on them, shame on me v.v So instead of feeling bad and pressured about it, I just came back to this one :3  
> Also, I have absolutely no idea about british accent and how to write Merlin, I'm so sorry for the next chapter in advance. But he actually has an important role for this arc, so ... I'll do my best^^


	16. Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vanitas's dream adventure continues and the gears in the real world finally start moving.

“Hmm, I see” Merlin stroked his long beard while he bend over the lifeless form of Vanitas. It didn’t take long for the residents to recover from their sudden visit. Well, some of them had to jump out of the way, but given the urgent circumstances, that shock was quickly overcome. “Just as my vision predicted.”

“A vision?” Ansem’s brow rose with interest and mild impression. As a man of science, magic never ceased to amaze him. Especially working with one of the most skillful wizards that existed. “Do you have a hypothesis for his condition?”

“Of course!” The old man opened his bag, reaching deep down to hand him and Ienzo some of their gadgets. The best thing about travelling with Merlin was for once, he could stuff everything in his bag and magically teleport them everywhere in the blink of an eye … But the only downside to it was the motion sickness and rather turbulent way of travelling. “I have sensed a disturbance in time itself for quite a while now, but I assumed it was the remains of the Organization’s doing or Sora’s disappearance. To think the imbalance might be because of this young boy“ He paused, everyone else listening very closely and hanging on his lips. “If it proves to be true … I have never seen such a bad case of time-paradox before.”  
The old man looked sad and deep in thought. He didn’t really see the reaction of the younger folk.

“What?!” Ienzo’s mouth hung open and he looked as if his eyes were about to pop out. If Even had accompanied them, the man would’ve lost his mind. “Does that mean his condition involves time travel?”

“Well, Xehanort used his Keyblade to bring his own selves and several others from the past to our present. And Vanitas is one of them” Ansem mused, to which not only Merlin but also the wayfinder trio nodded thoughtfully.

“So Vanitas isn’t from this time … But how does that hurt him?” Naminé wondered, anxiously folding her hands in front of her chest. Would they – she – still be able to help him if that was the case?

“We had to use Replicas” Xion answered, a little wretched at the reminder. “I am a full-made Replica, like Liku, but the versions of Xehanort, Dark Riku and Vanitas all needed Replica-bodies to stay in our time.”

“But if that’s the case, wouldn’t that mean he should’ve returned to his timeline after without one by now?” Axel asked from outside, peeking in. All that nerd-talk kind of left the rest of them hanging in the air, but he still tried his best to keep up with them. Saix looked like he had thought about the exact same question.

“Well.” Merlin spoke up again, gaining their attention and to hopefully lower their irritation. “As far as we know, Xehanort only took their **hearts** and gave them a Replica to inhabit. So After being defeated, it was naturally they would return to the bodies where they belonged, no matter what time or world.” He turned around and smoothly moved his hand over the body, like he could grasp the invisible aura that surrounded it … or he had some kind of x-Ray planted in his palms. One could never be sure with this old wizard.  
“It seems, however, this young boy couldn’t return. Or perhaps he did? Even without his own or an artificial body, this heart is bound to our time and yet that is perhaps the cause of his state.”

“This … doesn’t make sense. It just raises more questions.” Ienzo gripped his chin, his brain running on overdrive. _(Yup, Kingdom Hearts in a nutshell, you got it)_

“Ugh, who cares about that? More importantly, how can we stop it?” Liku pushed Axel aside a little too harsh. Even if the white room was cramped with people by now, he still didn’t want to be left out. All this standing around and smart-talking didn’t help one bit.

“I’m afraid, I don’t know.” Merlin scratched his head, his big hat almost falling off. “I used to travel through time and worlds very often, but I have never heard or seen of such a phenomenon. I’m afraid I can’t do much until I know what affects his soul to be … split.”

“Split?” Until now, Ventus and his friends had followed the conversation by looking between the wizard and the scientists as if they would watch a tennis match. Although Vanitas was their problem and enemy for most of the time, it now felt like they weren’t even needed now _(despite being specifically ‘invited’)._   
It was weird how Ventus thought he would knew Vanitas more than anyone else and yet everyone in this mansion seemed to have a stronger bond with his other half than him. He had no idea why that kind of … upset him.

“Well, we still have a way to find out what could’ve caused this, right Naminé?” Roxas turned to the timid girl, startling her.

“I-I don’t know. It could take longer than expected and I don’t know if we have enough time.” She looked at her shoes.

“Ienzo and I have brought the needs to analyze and stable his form. It’s not as efficient as the capsules downstairs, but it will buy us some time.” Ansem assured her, which made her head perk up.

“The capsules? You mean these flower-things?” Roxas crossed his arms. He didn’t like being reminded of that hell that was downstairs.

“Yes. Analyzing his data and memories at the same time, like we did with Sora and Kairi before, would help the process.”

“We’re not putting him in one of those things!” Roxas replied angrily. Xion put a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, which calmed the former nobody down a little.

“But we cannot bring him to Radiant Garden either. He might not make it until then.” Ienzo tried to reason with them, but it was futile.

“Calm down, everyone. I think I might have an idea.” Merlin held out his hands in a peaceful manner, until his gaze drifted to the Wayfinder-Trio, then to the Seasalt Gang and lastly to Repliku and Naminé. “And I’ll need all of you. The question is, are you truly willing to help? Because once we start, there is no turning back.” His gaze lingered on the Wayfinders, especially Ventus.

“What kind of question is that?” Repliku crossed his arms. He still wasn’t sure if he hated Vanitas’s guts or not, but of course they would do it. They already decided to do so.

“I’m afraid there is no guaranteed answer to that.” Merlin pulled out his wand, slowly lifting it over Vanitas’s body. “Because this boy is darkness in its purest form. While it is not necessarily evil, it is very unpredictable. Vanitas might fade if we fail, but if we succeed, then his body and also his powers will be completely restored.”

“But that is a good thing, right? Why should we worry about that?” Xion wondered out loud.

“Because we don’t know what his heart has decided.” Terra interrupted the speech. His eyes were fixed on the floor and he felt a shiver run down his spine. “While your intentions are honorable and honest, that doesn’t guarantee that Vanitas won’t use his powers to attack us.”

“Terra …” Aqua laid a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, but he still wouldn’t look up.

“What?!” Repliku clenched his fists. He felt personally offended. If anyone in this room should know about stuff like this, it would be him, Vanitas and Terra. “He just said darkness doesn’t equal that he’s evil.”

“And Vanitas said it to me himself” Even Roxas defended Sora’s edgy twin now, especially surprising Ventus, who couldn’t find the words to contribute something to this argument. “He said he is darkness. But he never said that he’s evil.”

“Just claiming otherwise won’t change that he **did** evil things. He tried to kill each of us multiple times.” Aqua stepped in front of Terra, who didn’t need the protection but she wouldn’t let anyone hold her back anyway. And maybe he was a little thankful that she stood up for him. After all, who was he to judge? He would be the first to say TerraNort can’t be redeemed and yet here he was.

“Well, I tried to kill Sora and others too and unlike Vanitas, I was success-“ Repliku remembered in the right moment that Ienzo was also still in this room. Yeah, reminding everyone how he absorbed and killed Zexion probably wasn’t such a good idea.

“We all did unforgivable things.” Axel said, going between the two fronts. And aside from the scientists, he probably was the person with the most kills on his list. “All of us made mistakes. Even if most of them are erased now, we still got it memorized. And we have to live with that. And yeah, we don’t know Vanitas as much as you guys.” Before any of them could say something again, he inhaled loudly and continued “BUT it shouldn’t be us to make the decision. I mean, it’s up to Vanitas what he wants. We should at least give him the option to stab us in the back.”

“This is not helping, Lea” Saix groaned, pinching the back of his nose.

“Hear me out, okay?” Axel pouted, before he focused on Aqua. “I did many mistakes and unforgivable things to other people, even my closest friends – like, seriously, the list is endless. And I don’t have a real excuse for that, like being controlled by someone else … or that I won’t ever be capable of doing something terrible again.” Axel only now realized, how uncomfortable all that attention was and he couldn’t help but anxiously run a hand through his hair. “You and Merlin are right, there is no guarantee he will have a change of heart or, hell, be thankful for our help. But there is never a hundred percent guarantee for anything and that especially shouldn’t even be a requirement to help someone!”

“Axel ...” Roxas looked at his best friend with big eyes full of amazement and worry. Until now they never really had talked about the events in the past. Sure, they got it memorized, but although Axel was like a parental figure for everyone here and the most talkative and open person, he was actually the one that spoke far less about his insecurities compared to all of them. Even Isa opened up to his childhood friend more than the other way around and would probably confirm that he used to have a better insight on Axel in past, before all of that happened, than nowadays.

“Oh, wow, I kind of got carried away. Anyway, what I’ve been meaning to say: There’s only one way to find out. And what can he possibly do? It’s all of us against him.”

“Lea is right. Let’s do this.” Not only for the silence, but also because it was the most unexpected, Ventus stepped forward. “I wanted to talk to him again anyway. And now that I have the chance, I’ll take it. And we’ll do it together, right Aqua? Terra?”

“Y-yeah. Right.” She hesitantly agreed, looking at Terra who simply nodded.

“You know, you’ll make a great Keyblade Master one day, Lea.” Terra commented, slapping the redhead on the back in a friendly manner, but it was still very strong that it almost knocked the equally tall but more slender guy over.

While that eased Axel’s nervousness and flattered him, Saix didn’t leave that uncommented. “Don’t you always refer to yourself as Keyblade MASTER?”

“Hey, I just held the most epic speech of all month and that’s all you have to say now?” Axel quickly recovered from exposing his vulnerability and got back to arguing with Isa again.  
Had it not been for Merlin clearing his throat, they probably would never get anything done.

“I take it that you all made a decision?” He asked the group, to which they enthusiastically nodded in unison.   
“Splendid! Now to my plan.” Merlin swung his wand above Vaitas’s head, finishing the movement by touching his chest with the tip and a bright light erupted, blinding the room for a second. A cloud of white smoke appeared around Vanitas and a purple orb with the Unversed emblem floated a few inches above the unconscious body.

“What is that?” Ansem asked, astounded.

“Yen Sid did something similar for Sora’s and Riku’s Mark of Mastery exam.” Merlin explained “I will send some of you inside Vanitas’s heart … or rather, a place within his mind.”

“How will this help him?” Ventus asked, both curious and frightened by the idea of entering the mind of his evil clone.

“And who should go?” Roxas added.

Merlin stroked his beard once more. He wasn’t sure if he had enough time to explain everything. “Those of you that are connected to Sora and Vanitas should be able to enter.” He pointed at Ventus, Xion, Roxas and Naminé … and at Repliku. “With that connection, you should be able to use a power similar to the power of waking.” Then he turned to Axel, Saix, Terra and Aqua. “And as soon as we find out what exactly happened to him, we may be able to trace the connection back to its source in the real world. If that should be necessary, that is.”

“Now I feel kind of redundant.” Ienzo mumbled, exchanging a quick glance with Ansem who huffed with amusement.

“Oh no, you’ll have the most important part!” Merlin addressed the scientists. “You have to keep Vanitas’s form stable. If his condition affects his heart too much, the darkness within him might trap their hearts too, like a black hole.”  
Merlin looked at the teenagers again to search for any sign of doubt, but they seemed to have faith. Well, Naminé seemed like she was about to faint from the very beginning but she, too, would go that far. And he sensed a determined heart and great magical power in her. With the help of her friends, she would certainly be alright. And her magical abilities might be of great help in there.

“Is everyone ready?” The old man asked, rising his wand. Once again everyone nodded, while their friends who would stay behind seemed a little worried. But if that wouldn’t be the case, Merlin would be concerned. “Alright. One, two three …”

_He started to miss the numbness as soon as it went away, with a heavy pressure in his chest erupting instead. After the darkness seemed to last forever, he wasn’t in the dive to his heart anymore. He was greeted with a place that he knew all too well. So very suddenly, he wondered if it was possible to become sick even in a place like this._

_Vanitas had trouble moving. His form had been ripped from any solid shape only moments prior. Why was he even still here? Why couldn’t he just give up? Vain was right, he had no purpose to fulfill anymore and nobody needed him. Not that he wanted to be. And the urge to fight and destroy had never been less present than now. He was pure chaos and … yet he lacked any desire to do so. Xehanort may have corrupted him in the beginning, but there had been no doubt he actually enjoyed the misery of others and causing trouble. Like a rebellious teenager. Being a good person wasn’t his thing. Why would he even care about that? Especially now? He could just fade for good. Cease to exist. And what was left would surely return to his brothers, completing them. And he’d finally be a part of something greater after all that long time … in a way._

_The dusty ground and the jingling of keychains from dead and rusty blades filled his senses. At least opening his eyes wasn’t as heard this time._

_Looking down at himself, Vanitas noticed that he had a human form again. It was just much … tinier. His wild and spiky black hair was still the same, but his limbs and torso … all of it was just so tiny. Like that marble. Perhaps that was all that was left of him. The scratches of his existence and heart carved together, resulting in this childlike form._

_Vanitas in a body of a seemingly four year old child stood up with shaking legs, taking in his surroundings. The Keyblade Graveyard never looked more uninviting than now. Perhaps his physical form had that impact on him, filling him with fear. Because there was no way Vanitas would ever feel something like that. He had many negative emotions, but FEAR? The fear of death maybe … apparently … for some unknown reason._

_He breathed heavily, his nose was stuffed and he was freezing, hugging himself and walking as if he had to get away from here as soon as possible. The dizziness wasn’t any help with that. Even if he knew this place like the back of his hand, it never looked so unfamiliar. So different … Shit, he was lost.  
“What kind of nightmare is this?” Vanitas mumbled to himself, coughing and regretting it. His voice was still hoarse. And why was his forehead so hot when he was fucking freezing? Why was adrenalin constantly filling him and urging him to go forward?_

_A broken squeal startled him. He froze like a deer in the headlights and bit his lower lip. Why was he so … scared? And lost? What was going on?! He’d rather have this imposter impaling his chest and punching him to black goop instead of being like this._

_That tingling in his head was back, just like the urge to scratch and caress through his hair to make it go away. But with those tiny hands that wouldn’t do much. Again, there was this weird noise, this time closer. Vanitas couldn’t summon his keyblade before and now it was definitely impossible, with his small body he wouldn’t even be able to lift it. So he did the most cowardly and pathetic thing he could think of and ran … or limbed a little faster than before._

_But why was he even running? From What? It would be so easy to just let it happen and succumb to his own darkness or the darkness of death. Like really, he wasn’t picky anymore. Any form of salvation was welcome to him._

_Being so deep in his thought- and self-loathing process, he tripped. Like a stupid damsel in distress. God, hopefully that thing finished him off fast because there was no way Vanitas wanted to stay like this.  
“Just end me already!” He cried, gripping his head with his stupid shrunken hands and cowering on the ground, not even caring about the dust that filled his nose as his heavy breathing hitched._

_Instead of being devoured, torn apart, impaled or tortured in any other way, he felt a soft furry presence jumping on his back. The pointy legs didn’t do as much as poke him, but the sudden assault was enough to make him roll to the side and get this beast off of his body._

_“You got to be kidding.” Vanitas croaked, seeing a tiny Unversed that kind of reminded him of that black beast in the alley. The first time in an eternity that he created a new and unique Unversed and it was … this thing?!_  
The unwanted creation tilted its head, churring with a sad expression.   
“Of course I don’t want you! Get lost!” He growled, grapping his hurting throat.

_“Now, that’s not a nice way to talk to yourself.” Vain’s voice echoed in the graveyard. “Do you always treat us – **you** – like garbage?”_

_Putting as much effort in as possible, Vanitas stood up, clenching his fists. He hated his tiny form and i’s exposed look and simply everything that was going on. None of that would’ve happened, if -_

_“- If you had been strong enough to not get caught by these idiots. Exactly” The source of that voice came from a purple-black orb with the symbol of Void Gear, across the battlefield in front of a boulder._

_The orb floated in the air, energy radiating from it._

_“I knew you would come and find me for real, one day. But it looks like none of us gets what we want.” The air thickened and the orb expanded, circling energy and black smoke emitting from the core and taking shape. Again, there was this monochrome masked boy with an Unversed symbol on his helmet._

_“Of course you don’t care. You never do. Ignoring and casting every feeling aside, why would you notice it? How much all of **us** is hurting.” Vain pointed at him and then to the tiny Unversed that made a cat hump and hissed at the intruder. “But it’s so much easier to get rid of them instead, right? To leave it behind and become stronger.”_

_The monochrome version stalked closer. For making such a fuss one second before, the cat-unversed was quick to jump on Vanitas’s shoulder and hide behind his hair like a frightened child. For a split moment, Vanitas wanted to do the same. But he couldn’t do much aside from slowly limping backwards, careful not to fall again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here I am, once again :D  
> Sorry for the slow progress. I'm currently working on a short spin off story for christmas and I hope I manage to finish it in time >.<  
> I'm sure you can all guess Vain's origin by now :3 I did the Nomura-method with this one xD It's actually really funny. I didn't intend for this story to take such a turn and complicated plot in the beginning, but here we are.  
> And since I've never watched Merlin in english, I can't say for sure if I nailed his phrasing and attitude correctly. It's been a while since I watched The Sword in the Stone. Anyway, I implied a lot from Merlin's movie in here, such as his ability to travel through time and worlds or predict certain events.


	17. Shadow

“Do you think you can get away from me that easily?” With a swift motion, Vain jumped, only to disappear in thin air and teleport himself in front of Vanitas once again. “I waited over a decade here, enduring your eternal pain and incompletion while you had the **time** of your life!”

The masked and larger figure yelled and grabbed Vanitas, but both the little brat and his cat had the same idea at the same time. With all the might his tiny body could muster, Vanitas bit the hand of his attacker. Grunting, Vain retreated his limb and Vanitas fell to the ground again, his dizziness making it hard to stand up quickly.

“Do you think I intended this?” Vanitas spat, coughing and pushing himself back on his feet. Although unsteady, he managed to control himself enough. “Do you think I had a blast in the future? With **him**?! Fighting a stupid war that I was destined to lose no matter the outcome?!”

Vanitas’s words agitated Vain even more and the stronger Unversed kicked him in the belly in return. The cat-Unversed wasn’t helping at all and merely bit on of the boots to no avail. He kicked it off as if it was nothing but an empty can on the street.

“Buhu, poor you, suffering in solitude!” Vanitas coughed more, holding his stomach and tried to push himself up once more. However, with these noodle-arms it was pointless. He was a fragile tiny creature … with a fragile tiny heart. Fractured. Incomplete. On the verge of extinction. “You’re blaming the wrong person!”

Another kick in his back followed. “I never asked to be born and left behind!” Vain snarled, picking Vanitas up by the hem of his shirt.

“And I never asked to be used like that either!” Vanitas wanted to put more venom in his voice, but with his younger and higher vocal chords, the injuries AND the cold, he sounded like a pathetic wounded fawn. “I never asked for any of that! I never meant to create you either!”

“But you **DID**!” With a heavy thud, Vain smacked him back to the ground and had Vanitas been in the real world with a real childbody, this would’ve destroyed nearly every bone in his torso. “And instead of coming back, you LIVED, leaving me in a constant state on the brink of death! The eternal pain and negativity you leave us Unversed – me – with to endure, while you become stronger through the pain when we are only bound to fade!”   
Vain finally seemed to become aware that he had, in fact, two hands. So he used the other to punch the child, while also putting more force on the little throat.

“I didn’t fade! I couldn’t return to you! I couldn’t fucking DIE!” Even without seeing Vain’s face, the cracking voice and agony behind the dark glass reeked of hatred and madness. “Now there are two of us. And only ONE will remain!”

The Remnant of Vanitas that had spent a decade in this place, had gone insane. Meanwhile, Vanitas’s heart had travelled to the future, and even after being defeated, never returned to its original spot. The body, no, his remaining darkness had been left behind. And without a Replica-Body, his existence was torn in two, like a Heartless and a Nobody. Only that Vanitas was the one who still had a heart – well, not his own. It still used to be part of Ventus four years ago. Although he doubted his brother would need it anymore. He made it his own fragment. His testimony of existence.

But Heartless and Nobody both thirst to have a heart. To be complete. So was it natural that both of them fought for this little spark of light? Actually … why would Vanitas even want that?

“So what?” Vanitas whispered, wondering if his face was smashed in too, like his chest before. “What would you do if you had my place? Do you really think any of that misery would change?!”

“Shut up!” Vain now clawed both of his hands around the little throat and squeezed. There was no reasoning with him, he was too far gone. The truth was, no matter how many leftovers this Unversed had stored, devoured, claimed … it was still an Unversed. Not human. It couldn’t understand such complexity. Unversed were beings of emotions, thus they acted like it. Fledgling feelings, irritating and irrational. Of course Vain wouldn’t thought that far ahead. He acted on instinct, believing everything would become better if he just managed to consume his source, the creator of the Unversed itself. If only he became remotely close to human, to become **versed** at something … at living … He would understand it all. The meaning. And then he, all of him, the Unversed, their entire kind … would experience something else. The salvation Master Xehanort promised! That promise was everything he could hold onto during his torture! The last straw! There was just no way this couldn’t be true! No way!  
“Shut up, shut up, shut up, SHUT UP!”

It was a miracle how Vanitas’s body wasn’t beheaded by now. His throat burned and he couldn’t breathe but somehow didn’t lose consciousness either. And with his small hands and weakened state he couldn’t put up a fight.

Pathetic.

Worthless.

Useless.

Why not just give in? Why not just let this impostor win and let himself be consumed by his own darkness. He already lost control, why not suppression too? Succumbing to his negative emotions and let them flood him until there was nothing left? Nothing mattered anymore. He had no reason to keep fighting. To do anything at all, honestly.

Slowly, his grip around the larger wrists loosened. He could feel the black goop pouring from his nose, mouth and even his eyes. Darkness was flooding out of his pores as his vision blurred more and more. He didn’t need to see Vain’s face to know that he had this crooked, wicked grin on his face. The mad laugh confirmed as much. Yet, it was his own … wasn’t it?

He was laughing. Laughing in this wasted childform, being choked by his own shadow.

That’s right. His existence, the world … everything was utterly useless. Pointless. A waste of time. Really, why had he been so blind? So prideful? So resistant? He didn’t need to control himself. He didn’t need to suppress anything. He could … just let his emotions and darkness out. It didn’t matter.

It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter. It didn’t matter.

Vain was caught off guard by this sudden change of mood. Sure, he was used to his creator to being equally crazy, but he had been in this grumpy, depressed state for weeks now. Such an outburst was …

The ink like darkness started to cover Vanitas. His whole body was engulfed with thick fog and sludge. It even started to crawl up Vain’s arms, as if it wanted to suck him in. Absorb his energy.

With a surprised grunt, he let go of Vanitas and took a few steps backwards, not understanding nor believing what was suddenly going on. He thought his original was broken, but this? This was nuts, even for him.

With a loud roar of unusual rampage and fury, the black smog and mass that surrounded Vanitas kind of exploded, causing a shockwave that threw Vain back. While he managed to land on his feet, the cat-Unversed was sent flying and smacked against the helmet of Vain, distracting him only for a split second. However that was enough to be hit by a brutal force of energy.

Vain’s helmet broke in the process, as his head hit a rock, revealing his albino hair and shining golden irises in black sclera, while dark veins surrounded his eyes. His skin was even more tanned than Vanitas’s. He looked … just like **_him_**.

But that was nothing compared to that little devil. Vanitas was completely radiating with darkness, red dots glowing brightly through the vapor around his head. Strings of the mist loomed above his head, almost resembling horns or antennas of his Floods, but they were transparent. Although this place wasn’t real, every single hair and the matter sauntered in the wind as it blew past them. Like a stupid western movie.

Dust spread everywhere, as the figure of Vanitas had a little increased in size and, with remarkable speed, launched towards Vain on all fours. Pointy gritted teeth almost bitt his arm again as Vain cartwheeled to the side.

Vain summoned Void Gear, an action he did fully on instinct and wasn’t even aware he could do that in his incomplete state outside of the Dive to the Heart. He blocked the next incoming attack. Vanitas’s hand suddenly grew double their size and took the shape of a Scrapper.

As if their roles had been reversed, it was Vain who now had to dodge the very move that he used to impale Vanitas earlier. Karma was a bitch.

The next punch, with the fist of a Bruiser, hit Vain hard. Two long tendrils with thorns, like the Thornbite, emitted from Vanitas’s coccyx and, even though they probably resembled tails, had a will of their own. They extended and wrapped around Vain’s ankles, lifting him up into the air.

As soon as they appeared, they evaporated. But before Vain hit the ground again, Vanitas jumped. Too fast to follow with the mere eye, he twirled around his impostor, scratching and slashing at every part of Vain that he could reach.

“How could you betray me?!” Vain yelled, gritting his teeth as he casted a fire spell with Void Gear around him, to have enough time to teleport out of the way. He landed on the battlefield again, the force pushing him back a couple of meters and he used his free hand to balance on the ground as he came to a stop. Vanitas mimicked the motion, landing a short distance in the opposite direction. “After everything he did, you still obey – **protect** him?! Traitors, cowards, all of you!”

Or … was this all him? He did say the Unversed and Vanitas were one and the same … still, why … why couldn’t he do it too? This couldn’t continue. Vain was unable to destroy his own kind! Well … at least for now.

“Give … me … your heart!” Vain raised the monochrome Keyblade, just like Vanitas would do. He used the telekinetic magic, to drag the dead Keyblades around them in. They surrounded Vain, shielding him and were thrown or struck against Vanitas whenever the latter attempted an assault.

Vanitas, in his animalistic state, attacked everything that came too close and soon was overwhelmed with the targets from every direction. And even with this aggressive strength, his stamina and defense was poorly maintained and soon drained.

Fast teleportations, explosions and sheer pushing-duels followed, resulting in both counterparts breathing and groaning heavily – barely able to keep standing straight. Especially Vanitas was slipping. The longer his Rage-Form was preserved, the more inaccurate and chaotic his movements and precision became. Soon he was mainly running on all fours, clashing and gnawing wildly at everything without strategy or any thoughts at all.   
He mindlessly just attacked, every noise and movement proving how deranged and inhuman he was. A monster from the inside and outside.

Vain doubted his original even realized what was happening anymore. He had lost all control. In order to unleash all his suppressed powers, he was dazed by his emotions. Controlled by his own darkness.

“How long is this going to continue?” Vain knew he was mostly talking to himself, there was no way Vanitas even understood him. He felt his hollow body slowly breaking and shattering beneath the suit. If one of them were to run out of energy in this realm, they would cease to exist in the real world. Only one of them got to get out of this alive. But if none of them won then … both of them would die. “Just give up already! You have nothing to fight for! Before that stupid self-preservation of yours kicked in, you were about to quit, weren’t you?! Vanitas!”  
With his raspy breathing, Vain gripped the monochrome Void Gear with both his hands. He would have to end this quickly, before Vanitas consumed and used up even the last fragment of his precious heart.   
“You can die _after_ I take back what belongs to me!”

As a response, Vanitas growled, baring his teeth. One of his clawed hands clenched together on the ground, leaving long thin marks on it.

Each of them gathered all strength they had left in them, preparing a final exchange of blows. It was deadly silent, even the wind wasn’t present anymore.

And then …

“Vanitas?” A female voice echoed in the distorted dream-version of the Keyblade Graveyard and both Vain’s and Vanitas’s heads perked up.

In the distance, five human shapes, all with the same height except one, ran towards them. It seemed like they were guided by the cat-Unversed, which lead the group. Hissing, it stopped, the fur became pointy and hard as it met eyes with the two opponents. When had it left in the first place? … Nevermind.

Vanitas, unable to recognize someone or something as anything else than enemies or threat that had to be destroyed, reacted hostile. He stood somewhat upright, the thorny tendrils once more forming behind him and ready to strike, should they approach and disturb the match any further.

“What the-?!” Roxas didn’t know what to expect. After they appeared in a gray Dive to the Heart with a single, old, broken door that lead to this place, the Unversed just ran to them.   
At first Ventus was about to destroy it, summoning his Keyblade, but Naminé stopped him in time. Xion was the one to notice it wanted to show them something and … now they were here. Faced with a weird dark Unversed-Heartless-Whatever creature and a Vanitas, but norted and dressed in black and white.

“Xehanort … is that why he’s so sick? Is he … infected with him or something?” Xion wondered out loud. Naminé wasn’t able to say a thing. Something about this whole scenery was just so heart wrenching and sad … but she couldn’t identify which of them was the main source of this aura of utter despair.

“Vanitas …” Ventus was shocked. Seeing his other half after such a long time he … didn’t know what to say or make out of this. Looking at the face of the white-haired Vanitas was just … it felt so wrong. “What is going on?”

Vain observed the intruders, noticing that they had not figured out which of them was the _original_. Yet. Suppressing a sly grin, he immediately took advantage of that.

“Hello _brother_.” He nodded towards Vanitas, who was sauntering and twitching like an unstable chemical experiment. About to explode with one wrong move. Otherwise, he didn’t react. Perfect. “You’re right. This is what’s left of Xehanort’s influence! It has _my_ heart. If I don’t kill it, it will take over my body and cause even more problems. I bet you don’t want that now, don’t you?”  
He went back to his fighting pose. Vanitas reacted to it, going back in his four-legged stance to charge towards him as soon as Vain dared to move.

They exchanged glances, but only Ventus kept asking. “How could this happen? And – why should we believe you?”

“Are you blind, Venty-Wenty?! Don’t you feel it?” He rolled his eyes. Of course he couldn’t count on Ventus to do anything for Vanitas, even if it was to kill him. “Tch, of course I can’t rely on my own brother.” His eyes roamed over to the others, stopping at the last one. “… What about you, Repliku? You have the guts to kill, right?”

Repliku stayed silent. His expression gave nothing away, grim and serious. They were nothing but a bunch of cowards. But it didn’t matter if he couldn’t convince them to kill Vanitas, as long as they didn’t intervened.

“Whatever. I don’t need you.” Vain concentrated his magic to cast another fire spell and aim it at Vanitas. The black monster would’ve dodged in time, if it wasn’t limping so horribly. Half of the body was light up.

Vanitas lost his balance and stumbled, the flames burning and hurting him. He had no suit to protect his flesh, this sensitive body. Therefore, without any defense, he couldn’t do much but scream _(well, roar)_ and thrash around on the earth, trying to put the fire out that was consuming him.

Vain, also at his limit, limbed over, exhausted but with a subtle smile on his features. “I’m done living in your shadow.”  
Vanitas noticed him just in time to push himself upward under incredible effort, just to block the Keyblade with his hands, gripping the length and shoving Vain back. To no avail. “Now give me back what belongs to **me**!” Since his arms had no power left, Vain used his body and threw himself against Vanitas, enough that the other fell back down.

“Farewell.” Vain croaked, gripping the handle of Mono Void Gear tight, as he lifted it to finish Vanitas off. So he was right all along. He was superior to Vanitas. Or the latter had just given up – Finally accepting his fate. Heh, oh well, it deserved him right.

Now it was his turn to laugh.

The Keyblade was just about to pierce the black figure, but another one stopped it right before Vain could claim the heart for himself. Who dared getting into his way to salvation now?!

“You’re not Vanitas.” It was Repliku.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welp, during my vacation I have been very invested in NieR: Automata and even managed to finish it on Platin with around 88 hours playtime ... man, what a time to be alive. But now I have experienced an existential crisis that motivated me to write about Vanitas again :D If that ain't ironic I don't know what is.   
> This was also my very first time to write a Kindgom Hearts fight - I hope I was able to explain it well! And yes, Rage-Form Vanitas and his moves are finally introduced. He creates the Unversed, so it's only natural he would be able to use their abilities when he fights without a Keyblade ^-^
> 
> Despite the circumstances in America, I hope you still personally had a good start for 2021. I passed the driving license theory test, so as soon as my driving school is allowed to open again, I'll have my very first driving lesson~ So this year is already better than the last one for me and going off on a good start xD (Hopefully it stays that way x.x)
> 
> Stay tuned!


	18. Unfair (2)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually cried a little while writing this and the next chapter, not gonna lie.  
> Well, maybe that explains my emotionally outburst: [Dearly Beloved - Vanitas Version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hW-D265gMkY)
> 
> Prepare for the feels, gather your blankets and cocoa everyone, shit is about to go down.

Vain was surprised that not Ventus but this idiot was the first to react. But then again, he hadn’t expected for any of them to show up and get in his way in the first place. So he just grinned and shrugged it off.  
“Does it really matter? You’re making a horrible mistake regardless by trying to save his heart. Really, you could just take advantage of his weakened state and kill the real body but nooo, it’s always about friendship, isn’t it?” He took a few steps back, Repliku remained between the two opponents. Although he acted tough, he was barely holding on to his life anymore. His time was running out … which was funny, since all he had hoped for the past decade was for this to finally end. “Do you expect him to have a change of heart and feel gratitude?”

He laughed at their faces. Even if he felt like he would fall apart any moment, he couldn’t help but wheeze and keel over with laughter as he simultaneously tried to stay on his feet. He bend over like a mad man, the Keyblade incredibly heavy in his hand as his arms loosely dangled. Vain was out of power and self-control, gathering his last bits of magic.

“Cut it out! Who are you?” Ventus, finally awoken from his paralysis, also started to move, which kind of made both of the … Vanitases _(?)_ uncomfortable.  
The smaller black figure on the ground hissed, starting to crawl backwards with what little strength it had left. It was anxious and aware something strange was going on, but it acted like a caged animal, simply trying to keep his distance from everyone. And it would probably leash out at anyone who dared to come too close to him.  
Which made Ventus wonder, if that albino one really wasn’t his other half, then who was it? And, in that case, was this little demon really … Vanitas? But why was he so small?

“Like I said, I am Vanitas.” The norted version grinned, although strained and sauntering a little. “Well, partly. Just like him.” He pointed the monochrome Keyblade towards the Cat-Unversed, that Naminé held in her arms.

“You’re … an Unversed?” Roxas questioned. To him, as a Nobody, that wasn’t new. After all, there were special Nobodies and regular ones like the Organization and the Dusks. So this copy probably also was a special Unversed connected to Vanitas, right?

“In a way.” Vain knew he actually didn’t have any more time left to waste, but while he thought of a way to get rid of them, he could feed them some tragic-villain-backstory-crap. “My title used to be ‘ _Vanitas Remnant’_ , but I go by Vain these days.” He faced Ventus, who seemed to be reminded of something by that. “After you defeated Vanitas in the graveyard, I was all that was left of him, while his heart got abducted from Master Xehanort.”

He also fought against Aqua, but refrained from telling this information since it involved his loss. But even after being defeated, like any other Unversed, he didn’t … he couldn’t return to Vanitas. And Vanitas didn’t even miss him or knew he was gone. Oh how the tables had turned.

“So you stayed here … all this time?” Naminé contributed to the plot-dialogue. She couldn’t help but feel sorry for him a little. After all, she also spent most of her time alone in a castle or mansion against her will. And if no one had come to her rescue, like Sora, Roxas, Riku and the others, maybe she would be just as broken after so many years.

“I did. And I waited.” Vain looked at his hollow Keyblade, a glint of sadness in his eyes – if only for a second. “Neither my creator nor our master returned. And since he spent all his time doing nothing but wasting it, I’ll just take back what should rightfully belong to me.”  
Vain focused on Vanitas again. “I may not be the original, but this is my timeline. He’s the one who doesn’t belong here! And I won’t let him push me out of the way ever again!”

Without a warning, Vain charged forward and teleported right then, when Repliku was about to stop him. He appeared behind him and rose his Keyblade ready for an attack.  
However, they completely forgot that Vanitas himself was still there and conscious. And about the tendrils. They expanded on the ground and tied around one of Vain’s ankles and he tripped over them. Unfortunately he was too drained to stand up quick enough and soon found himself headlocked by Repliku, while the others ran towards them.

Vanitas also attempted to get up, but realized that his legs didn’t work anymore. A low growl of distress was all he could express to this inconvenience.  
_“So this is it …”_ Was the only thought that crossed his mind, as his vision worsened and his face hit the dusty floor. _“No. It’s not fair. Not like this!”_

“It’s over, Vain.” Repliku said as he fastened his grip around the others neck with his elbow, while he used his other hand to bend one of Vain’s arms behind his back, which resulted in them kind of wrestling on the floor. “It doesn’t matter if he’s grateful! We’ll get him that second chance.”

“No! This heart is mine! He doesn’t even want it!” Vain cried out, fearing that his only way of salvation, to end his eternal pain, would be gone forever now. He was despaired and thrashed around, doing everything to break free, but after Roxas joined to assist Repliku by immobilizing his legs, not a single limb was able to move anymore, he just screamed. Horribly. Black tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he continued to scream. “WHY?! Why does he get a second chance and I never had one to begin with?!” He yelled and cried that his voice broke. With his distorted and hoarse voice, he continued to shout “Why do I have to exist if I can’t even LIVE?! Tell me WHY, Vanitas!”  
Vain lifted his head as much off the ground as he could, moist eyes glaring at their creator with hatred and fear.  
“Why was I created? He promised us salvation! So why … why does it keep hurting no matter what we do?!”

Naminé couldn’t help but shut her eyes tight to prevent her own tears from falling. She was too empathetic and overwhelmed with this situation. And she felt completely useless, because she couldn’t think of anything to do instead of just watching this tragic horror scenario.

“Vain …” Ventus couldn’t help but notice the way Vanitas twitched, as if he didn’t realize what was going on, but still felt the emotions from his Unversed. They … shared it? Or was Vain transferring them to his source? Regardless, the black figure was oddly silent now, only anxiously twitching and digging its claws in the dust beneath.

“All we ever feel is pain! That’s the only thing what Unversed are good for … To endure everything and obey … And even if he shares it. Even if he feels it … It’s not the physical pain that makes us suffer.” Vain clenched his fists and gritted his teeth. “It’s the emotions he keeps pushing away and burdens us with, so he can become stronger!”  
Dark tears dripped from Vain’s eyes now. Despite obviously being the taller version, he was weeping like a child, swallowing the hiccups that burned his throat, as he smacked his forehead against the ground. “Not just the pain of being hurt or killed …” Replikus grip was a little weaker now. “Anger, sadness, envy, despair – the emotion of incompleteness and the craving of more. Of salvation. The dream to life. The wish to, at least for one single moment, experience and understand what it’s like … to be complete. Happiness. Joy. Positive. Alive.”

Naminé couldn’t hide her tears now, as she kneeled down to Vain, unsure how she could help this poor being.  
“I endured this for so many years … I don’t want to disappear. Not just like that!” How ironic it was. The one version that wanted to live was probably about to die, while the other that saw no meaning in life yet kept on living. And for no reason at all they fought so hard only for it to come to this singular solution. One of them had to vanish. “It’s not fair … Why … Why does nobody want me.”

The hurt of being abandoned and forgotten by his creator, his master, everyone, filled him with hate. As he felt himself crumble from the inside, he could only think of how unfair and cruel this was. How he just wanted to BE. But that would never be possible. And thus, the only thought he had was how he could make everyone else pay for it.  
Because even if he lied, even if he probably would’ve just used his body to keep causing destruction and hurt towards others … this was a terrible fate. A mind twisted and a fucked up morality because he was never shown another way or learned otherwise. And his last straw was about to be ripped from his hands that he was holding on so dearly.

“Isn’t there anything we can do?” Xion asked no one in particular, crouching next to Vanitas who sluggishly stopped moving and collapsed, his arms finally giving out of supporting his body. The black mud that covered him started to fade very slowly, fog evaporating in the air. His figure started to shrink and for a second, she was afraid he would disappear too, but instead, the figure remained small and fragile.

“I …” Somehow, Ventus felt responsible. Like he would be the only person that could maybe do something to prevent this outcome. Perhaps he could share his heart once again, this time only willingly? Wasn’t there anything to save both of them? What was even happening? They just arrived here and now this disaster went down … What if they couldn’t trust either of them? What if … he … ugh.  
“I don’t know.” He admitted in defeat. At least he wasn’t the only one, Xion, Naminé, Roxas and Liku were also out of ideas.

It played only into Vains hands that these damn fools had their guard down now.

“Heh. Hehe. Hehe hiii. Hihi” It was difficult to tell if Vain was mainly coughing or laughing or both, but his broken vocal cords produced a sound that send shivers down their spines.  
“Well, if I can’t get my salvation … No one will.” Vain mumbled and he subtly reached for his Void Gear one last time. Repliku noticed it, but before he could yank it out of Vain’s hand, a bright short beam shot from the tip of the Keyblade and hit Vanitas, setting the tiny heart inside free.

Beneath all that darkness, a tiny spark shone. With it, all the remaining matter instantly left Vanitas’s body, revealing his four year old form on the ground. Unconscious. At the exact same moment, the air around them somehow changed. The wind suddenly stopped and the fake sky above them turned darker and darker.

The tiny marble, surrounded by darkness, turned into a heart. Although smaller than usual and most of the crystal was tinted in a black-purple tone. Only a little part in the middle had a spark. Porbably the part that once was taken from Ventus. But that couldn’t be. No. Shouldn’t it be pure darkness? That’s what Xehanort meant to cleave apart back then. So how was it possible? Except … what if it was made from Vanitas himself? If Nobodies could develop a heart through memories, bonds and emotions …

Said fragment was starting to crack and tear apart.

“No, the heart!” As Ventus cried out for the obvious, the surroundings around them started to collapse as soon as he took a single step towards it. If Vanitas would die then … all of them, their hearts, everything would be lost! That was what Merlin had warned them about.

An earthquake startled the group and threw them off balance. The stone was breaking apart and crumbling. Xion and Naminé reacted just in time to prevent the small body of Vanitas falling down into the abyss, as a crack split apart just beneath him in the process. Meanwhile, the Cat-Unversed suddenly seemed so … weak. It became transparent and laid next to its master.

It didn’t move anymore. Because without their source of energy, no Unversed could keep existing. Which reminded Naminé … Oh no.

As her gaze drifted to the other Unversed, she gasped. Without the heart in anyone’s possession, Vain also started to gradually fall apart. It was unknown if his last expression had been a satisfied smile, a look of regret or something entirely else … because it was gone. Just like Vanitas had been born without a shape or face, Vain’s monochrome suit became hollow, only a puddle of what once filled this vessel slowly starting to leak out. He had sealed his own and maybe everyone else’s fate.

Ventus was mortified. No. He couldn’t just let things end like this!

Without thinking it through, Ventus did the only semi-logical thing and dived for the heart _(pun intended)_ , nearly falling into the canyon that started to rip itself through the fake graveyard. Repliku and Roxas managed to catch him in time, both luckily skilled enough to use levitation magic to walk or rather float above the nothingness. They caught one of his legs each, while Ventus dangled upside down, his hands reaching for the spark and slowly folding them around it.

“Ventus, what the fuck?!” said person heard Roxas yell above the noise of a crumbling world.

And then, it was all silent all of a sudden.

Perhaps this would’ve been the perfect time to claim back what once was his. To be complete again. To have his fractured and wounded heart in its original shape. After a decade without it, Ventus definitely deserved that, right?

But … He didn’t need it anymore. Sora helped to be whole again, therefore this shard had nowhere to go. It didn’t fit in the mosaic anymore.  
So when Ventus held the broken, fractured, shattered leftovers from Vanitas and their former connection in his hands, he felt like he was under water. Like he was drowning. As if he was surrounded by emptiness and the lingering emotion of bitterness of things that once could have been and never would.  
Was this what Vanitas felt ever since? This hollowness and pain the whole time?

He closed his eyes, listening to a faint heartbeat that seemed to sing a melody. Not out loud, but he could feel it deep inside him. It evoke an emotion he couldn’t tell. One that was impossible to name or describe. But it was there. It was definitely something. Little, like a spark.  
“I see.” He whispered, remembering all their past conversations.

_“It’s always about you and your friends, isn’t it?”_

_“They are what I feel. Fledgling emotions under my control.”_

_“Join your heart with mine!”_

_“Show me anguish!”_

_“We are brothers who, together, make a greater whole.”_

_“But I am by your side. I am the shadow that you cast. How much closer could I be?”_

_…_

_“What I am, is darkness.”_

When Ventus opened his eyes again, he was alone. Well, not exactly. He was in a place where nothing was. It was all black. But he had a tiny floating marble in front of him on his palm. It was incomplete, but still so warm and tender, like the ~~unversed~~ inexperienced young soul of a child. Or someone who was still so irritated, confused and overwhelmed by the wonders of the worlds out there.  
He sensed a big ego. Arrogance. Bitterness. Frustration. Confusion. A lack of knowledge about ethics and morality … But also curiosity, playfulness, ambition … hope. Or at least a faint wish for something more. For guidance. For a purpose. A reason to keep going. But there was also one evident thing above them all: Fear.

“I wonder if …” Ventus looked up from the heart, holding it above him like a lantern. As expected, there was he. Vanitas. In this place, he was like that tiny spark inside all this blackness. A small body surrounded by the oblivion.

Vanitas sat there, his back to him, legs close to his chest and arms tied around them, head resting on his knees. He wasn’t wearing a suit. Only a simple black shirt with the Unversed-symbol and red shorts, just like he wore in the real world. Only with a much smaller body.

Ventus walked over to him, but aside from a subtle flinch, his counterpart didn’t react. However, seeing his evil twin and former enemy in this state … filled Ventus with sadness. Like the one he felt whenever he thought too much about the torture Terra and Aqua went through. He never really considered that Vanitas was also a victim of Xehanorts plans before.

Ventus felt like an idiot. But that wouldn’t stop him from doing the right thing now, so he approached his other half anyway.


	19. Salvation?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [NieR: Automata - Kainé's Salvation](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qlYPu7dwrtw)  
> Come on, you had it comming, after completing NieR with Platin, there was no way I could NOT use that song eventually~

“What are you waiting for? Take it. I don’t care anymore.” Vanitas spat without turning around. He didn’t even sound so hostile or cocky like last time they talked _(and no, this childish voice had nothing to do with that … okay, maybe it was a tiny bit less intimidating than usual)_  
Ventus was a little taken back by the fact that they were here alone – wherever this place was now. Still, this time he wanted to help. And he wouldn’t accept a simple “I am darkness” as an answer today.

“No, I think you need it more than I do.” Ventus sat down next to him. He imagined they would sit on the beach, looking at the night sky full of stars. For some reason that seemed more fitting than a sunset. Small sparks of light surrounded by darkness. “Thanks to Sora my heart is complete now.”

“Yeah and thanks to the screams of terror from little children, mine was too. And now it’s not.” Vanitas still avoided eye contact, but at least he sounded annoyed. It was still an emotion and that was all that counted. Better than this hopeless, hollow stare he saw from the side. Although, seeing this tiny image of Vanitas and hearing that young voice made this situation not only more bizarre but also … tragic to hear him say such things.

It’s funny how the messed up things stuck even more out once they were spoken by a child.

“Vanitas … tell me, why do you want to give up?” Ventus asked, holding the heart so that Vanitas could take it whenever he wanted. “After everything you endured: why now?”

“Then **you** tell me: why do you care?” Vanitas retorted, huffing as if this whole scenario was oh so tragically hilarious.

“Because no matter what, you never quit. And yet … back at the Graveyard and even now … Although your heart still refuses … You don’t want to change your path, even if it leads to a dead end. I mean, I know you’re stubborn, but …” Ventus shook his head. He already had his suspicions back then. How, compared to the last time he defeated Vanitas, the very same was completely fine with being defeated during the war. It didn’t make sense. It didn’t fit his personality. When they fought for the first time, Vanitas was so desperately clinging to the X-Blade and now he said he was okay with it? Bullshit!

“So what? It’s not like it matters anymore.” Vanitas changed his posture, leaning back on his arms while he looked into the distance. “You don’t need my heartpiece anymore, Xehanort is gone, Sora is lost, everyone else got their happy ends and the worlds keep turning just fine.” He smiled bitterly. “Before any of you even knew I was still alive, no one cared. Why should they pretend otherwise now? It’s useless. And they’re liars if they claim to not have any ulterior motives.”

“Do you really believe that?” Ventus patiently waited for an answer.

“I don’t believe in anything … Not anymore.” Vanitas bit the insides of his lip, and wouldn’t they be in yet another mind scape or something, it would probably bleed. Where **was** this place even and why was he here? But more importantly, why did he still look like a freaking CHILD?!

“Still, why not give this life a try? There has to be a reason why you didn’t return to the past or why you didn’t disappear! Maybe this is your chance to-“

“I’m here because of you and Sora, idiot!” Ventus’s motivations fell on deaf ears. Vanitas harshly interrupted him as if he was so sure it could only be that and nothing else.

Now it was Ventus, who angrily retorted “And that’s it? You can’t be serious, Vanitas. Come on, it’s not like you to simply accept this!”

“How would you even know? You didn’t even know I existed back then and you don’t know anything about me now, so stop pretending that you do!” Vanitas retorted just as agitated, like a little black cat hissing at someone. Adorable and yet so lethal if provoked enough.

Realizing that showing Vanitas anger _(nor anguish, which was exactly what Vanitas always wanted in the past), wouldn't get them anywhere,_ he sighed.  
“But … we could change that, right?” Ventus took the heart in both his hands, sensing the warmth and he tried to imagine an unlikely scenario. Yet it made him smile nonetheless. “It doesn’t matter what happened in the past. We can still start from scratch. Our hearts managed to, so why shouldn’t we?” He presented the tiny glowing fragment in his palms, but Vanitas still just glared at it, not making any move to touch it.

“And what, become _friends_? Just like that? Even with me being made of darkness and your former heart-fragments to keep me alive? You really are a childish, naïve idiot. And by my looks, that says a lot.”

“So what if I am?” Ventus pouted, but then, after a moment, a low chuckle escaped his throat. And it wasn’t just for the fact that he acted more like a child and Vanitas like an edgy teen than the other way around.

Now, Vanitas wasn’t used to see him in a good mood. Especially if he was right here next to him. Or if he was involved in any other way. “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, I’ve just been thinking.” Finally, their gazes met for the first time. “Under different circumstances, if things were different … it would have been nice to have a brother, I guess. Even if it’s you.” He laughed again. Vanitas made a disgusted face, but after turning his head away, he refrained from saying anything against this statement. Which meant that he had imagined something similar himself at least once. And that alone proved Ventus there was also at least a tiny part of Vanitas that agreed.

“So I could have been your evil twin for real?” He suddenly asked, no peculiar thoughts behind that question. If it wasn’t for the person he saw right before him, that would’ve sounded so innocent and yet they both knew Vanitas meant it literally. Still, that adorable child voice made Ventus grin even more.

“Maybe. But I doubt it would’ve ever gotten boring.” Ventus giggled and even Vanitas made an amused huff that didn’t sound as patronizing as usual _(well, usually it also didn’t come from a little kid. This image was forever burned in Ventus’s memory. So fucking precious)._

Sadly, this moment of content between them was short lived, as Vanitas’s expression turned bitter and harsh again. “Well, too bad things never turn out like we want them to.”

“I know …” Ventus sighed again, uncrossing his legs. “But it’s still not too late, Vanitas.”

“Oh, and you’re not just telling me that because you want to save your pathetic self and your friends from dying inside me – which is already as fucked up as it is?” Vanitas incidentally questioned, raising his eyebrow in suspicion. Even in this state, that smug expression was still both offending and naughty.

Ventus shrugged. “If you want to drag us down with you, there is literally nothing I can do to prevent that. So it’s really just up to you, I guess.”

“Huh, way to play the reversed psychology card …” Vanitas tilted his head, thinking about his options. After so many things that happened in his short life, all these events and both sides of being pressured with a false purpose and a hollow life without one … He had no idea what he should do. Maybe it was because he wasn’t human enough to fully understand it. What made his brothers fight so much for their life and friends, although they encountered hardships again and again?

What was it that made them keep fighting? This whole ‘ _my friends are my power’_ was just complete nonsense … or maybe not, considering the times he failed and Ventus and Sora didn’t. But maybe that’s just what he was. A failure. A copy. Even less than a Nobody or Replica. He … well, Vain, had been just a few hours older than Sora. And Ventus … boy, that guy had a complicated record. And even as his other half he didn’t understand it.

“Have you ever thought that, perhaps, Xehanort was wrong?” Ventus asked out of the blue, because the silence dragged on for too long and he felt like they had only limited time here in this … limbo or whatever.

“He was wrong about many thingy, but go on. Elaborate.” Vanitas deadpanned. He wasn’t sure if his brother just wanted to distract him or anything, but it was easier than dwelling on his thoughts.

“What if we never were cut clean in half? I mean, everyone except for the princesses of heart has darkness inside their hearts. And if that’s true, there also has to be light, right?” He looked at the little heart in his hand, the barely visible and flickering sparkle inside the purple-black crystal, seemed to prove his thesis.

“Like I said, that’s your … or probably Sora’s fault. I’m only his evil clone after all.”

“But what if it’s not? You don’t need to be a human for that, Vanitas.” Ventus refrained from comparing him to Goofy, Donald and several other species they encountered in all these worlds. “Who said darkness has to be pure evil anyway? Repliku, Isa, Riku, Roxas and also Lea, Xion and Naminé use dark magic, even if it’s just for a portal.”

“Well, who knows, everyone is capable of committing crime if given a reason.” Vanitas rolled his eyes, annoyed by having to endure yet another speech about friendship, light and all that shit. He ignored the fact that he once told the exact same thing to Roxas in that alley. And that it was Roxas who also told him Xehabort had been wrong. It was the last conversation he had before ... Vain.

“And they all have been on the same side as you once. Don’t you get it?” He seemed even more excited than his other half about his breakthrough, while Vanitas showed fairly less enthusiasm than him. “You’re darkness, but that doesn’t define who you are. No matter where you came from or how: whatever Xehanort said, it’s stupid. You can choose for yourself what you want or who you want to be!” Ventus was so excited, he put his free hand on Vanitas’s shoulder and shook it as he spoke.

“Well done Sherlock, but I figured as much already.” Vanitas shoved the hand aside and huffed. “I never needed that old man’s approval. Not anymore.”

“Then what’s holding you back?”

It was dumb how Vanitas averted his gaze now, not able to look at his counterpart’s face when he actually said it. Because he didn’t need to. There was nothing forcing him, but he did it. “Because I don’t know what I’m supposed to do with my life now. All I was ever needed for was forging the X-Blade one way or another. I don’t have a reason to be your enemy, **but** I also don’t have one to be your … _friend_.” That word tasted like acid on his tongue and he regretted telling Ventus, of all people, the thing that was bugging him the whole time in the first place.

“You mean, you’re hesitant just because you don’t know the sense and purpose of life?” Ventus repeated – and started to laugh again. Hard. The offended glare of a mini-Vanitas _(Minitas)_ with pouty puffed out cheeks, made it even more hilarious. So cute! He didn’t care if that ruined whatever moment they were having.

“What’s your problem?!” Vanitas snarled at his brother and was just about to tackle him, when Ventus held his hand up to surrender, as he calmed down from his fit.

“Haha ... Vanitas, no one does that!” He said between catching his breath again and wiping a small tear from the corner of his eye.

“What?” Irritation filled Vanitas. Wasn’t that what everyone was born with? Especially humans, since they had such high ambitions and dreams, regardless how fucking stupid and impossible they may be?

“Nobody knows the reason or purpose of life. Especially their own! We simply … live. And eventually, we figure out what we like, what we want to do, what we value …” Ventus carefully circled his thumb over the heart and looked at the tiny spark. “You don’t need a plan or mission to be ‘ _worthy’_ of it. And even if you fail or if you feel like you have nowhere to go, it won’t change that.”

Vanitas was – well, no, he wasn’t speechless. Because he had something to say about that. “What the hell is wrong with people?!”  
All his life, not having a destiny or a goal just meant he was useless. He always had worked hard for his salvation, whatever that may be now. Death, domination, completion by destruction, you name it. “Then how are people – you – even doing that, if it’s pointless or doesn’t need any deep meaning?”

Ventus mused over that question for a while. He could only tell from his own experience after all. And such philosophical topics weren’t really his thing, but he would try. “Just … take one step after another. And, well, sometimes it helps if you have company. Even small things that you like can make life better without even realizing it. I can only speak for me in that matter, but if it wasn’t for the love and connections I had with my friends, I wouldn’t be here now. So, I guess, that’s my purpose. At least it gives me the willpower to keep going, you know?”

“Tch, friendship, love and all that crap. I knew it.” Vanitas wrinkled his nose just thinking about Ventus playing with his stupid friends. “There’s always a catch.”

“Well, you could also be a part of that.”

Vanitas just looked at Ventus, who had this foolish naïve smile on his lips again that he hated so much. Ugh, why were they even having this conversation? “That’s not my style. I’m fine on my own.”

“You’re obviously not, but keep telling yourself that.” Ventus stood up. Apparently, their time was coming to an end or something, telling by the uneasiness he felt in his chest. “Vain said … you always push your feelings aside. You’re consumed by negative emotions all the time. Envy, sadness, despair. But it doesn’t have to be, if you just gave it a try … Why are you so scared?”

“I’m not scared!” Vanitas also stood up, clenching his fists. How dare Ventus call him out as if he was afraid of his own emotions and feelings! Or that he feared feeling anything else than negative because that might make him … weak. Or something else than he was. He hated change. He hated Ventus. He hated how happy he and everyone else was and that he could not. He also hated the fact that his pride and ego prevented him from doing any of that weak friendship crap. Even if he was alone, even if he had no purpose, even if he had no idea why or what else, he was fine the way he was!

“Yes, you are! I don’t know why, but you can’t accept the thought of being with us! Of having friends! Of what it might feel like-“

“- To have it ripped from me again?! To be disappointed?! To figure out it was just a lie all along? To prove everyone else that I’m just not fitting in, in this fairytale? To make them realize I’m undeserving of any of these positive things? Get real, Ventus! There is a fucking reason why only negativity and pain makes me stronger!” Vanitas yelled, stomping his bare foot on the ground to make a statement, which only made him feel even more ridiculous and pathetic that he let his mortal enemy see so much of his weaknesses. But it was true. The hollow feeling was better than actually experiencing the real emotional pain. You couldn’t grieve what you never had and envy was still more useful to fuel his powers with than sorrow.

“HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?!” Ventus finally snapped and yelled back. “This is only what Xehanort told you! How he trained you! Pain doesn’t make people stronger – overcoming it does! And we do it for the things we care about. Goddammit Vanitas, why won’t you trust anybody? You ARE afraid!”  
He shoved the heart at Vanitas’s chest, pushing him a little due to the difference in height and strength. “Why won’t you let me help you?!”

“Because you never did before!” Vanitas grabbed his brothers' wrists hard, digging his nails in them. “All those times when I called out for you. When I tried to find you. When I wanted to return, I was –“

Alone. Left behind. Hurt. Hoping and wishing for the pain to stop. To experience ~~happiness~~ salvation. But that never came and he eventually submitted to his fate.  
Somehow, those words felt familiar. It was just like what Vain had said to him in the Dive to the Heart. Which wasn’t surprising. The Unversed were a part of him. His emotions that he … pushed away. Right. Of course they would backfire eventually.

“And yet you never even knew I was missing.” He concluded, saying the same thing to Ventus that Vain said to him. It was like history repeated itself. He had left something of him behind without ever noticing it, while Vain had suffered on the other side. How fucking ironic.

Ventus couldn’t bear seeing the sad expression on child-Vanitas. It was too much. Maybe he was just a softy, but he couldn’t help but kneel down on one knee to be on the same eye-level. “You’re right, I didn’t know. But I do now, Vani. It’s not too late for neither of us to start over! Come on, we have nothing to lose.” He unconsciously spoke tender, like anyone would to a child, and gave his encouraging smile one last chance, even if it was strained and bittersweet. There was always a way to overcome things. Even if Vanitas’s story was tragic and based on false and twisted plans by Xehanort, they could still chose another path! This wasn’t just a dead end, there were multiple turns and ways to take. Vanitas just needed to realize that.

“… Except for your dumb life. Fucking call me that again and I end you.” Vanitas deadass grumbled, his expression hidden behind his black hair, as he took the tiny heart from Ventus and forcefully pushed his hands away. “I’m the one doing the nicknames, Venty-Wenty.”

“Does that mean you …?” Ventus’s eyes widened with hope.

“Like you said.” Vanitas was about to crush the marble. He was fucking metal, not a sap like his brothers. No one shall talk to him like he was a stupid kid! “I don’t need a reason to do **anything**. So don’t get any ideas now.”

“Wha-“

A sudden force pulled Ventus back. Inside his chest, there was a certain call, as Vanitas squished the heart in his palm and literally smacked it on his ribcage. Somehow, the Unversed symbol on his shirt started glowing, as his body absorbed the fragment. There was no wind or backlash, but Ventus was soon wiped off the ground as he was harshly kicked out of the realm he was in. His back hit something, but he wasn’t sure what. The collision caused him to force his eyes shut.

The next moment he opened them, he was laying on the ground, the worried faces of the others above him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, these two chapters are a major step in this Fic. Not only did I kill my semi-OC off, but I also finally included a long overdue conversation between Ventus and Vanitas. I don't know, maybe Ventus is a little ooc here, I'm uncertain.  
> These are just things I figured someone needed to tell Vanitas. And perhaps others too :)
> 
> Knowing what a tragic villain Vanitas actually is, I always kind of wanted to give his motivations reasoning. I'm not a profiler or anything, but aside from never knowing a different path, I always figured Vanitas would be scared to change. Not because he can't but more because he fears dealing with his emotions and all the pain and abuse yadda yadda.  
> This Sick-Arc was (well, is, we're not done yet) really important for me to write, as it explores the depths of Vanitas's heart and being and also has a major impact on how he changes from here on.  
> When I started this Fic, I never even knew it would come to all this, I just wanted Vanitas being an awkward cat like guy trying to cope with the mystery that is life. And welp, here we are now~
> 
> Anyway, stay tuned! :D


End file.
